Naw, the gym ain’t no charity–so stop donating to it! But, join a gym wisely.

Being on the road is nice, but too much of it pretty much sucks :D

Hi Y’allses! Did you enjoy your holidays? I did–had a wonderful time in Oregon with my little Oregon family. However, with a few exceptions (like my little Oregon family), I can say with sincere LAWDYNESS that I am sick of traveling. Enough. Yup, good to be home now, and after extensive travel over the past 14 months, I am ready to spend quite a long time in my little Smoky Mountain cove finishing up my new novel The Lightning Charmer, rocking on the porch (less’n it’s too cold, which it is right now), taking mountain walks, and kickin up my heels on the gym’s treadmill. Yup, y’all, I am one of those people who love love love to exercise–it was part of what made me a good trainer. Same as I love love love to write, which makes me a pretty good book writer, too, I think!

Gyms make money on Sales, so they want to impress/entice you in–but be sure to look in the nooks and crannies of the gym and the contract: When I worked as a personal trainer at a gym, January/February were our busiest months, and so sometimes we trainers had to help with “sales.” I hated “sales” because, as many of you may know, I have a hard time “selling” things, even if I believe in them!—e-yup, I also sucketh at promo and marketing and salesmanship of my novels. Lawdy.

ask questions about the trainers at the gym, ask to meet them and talk to them first

So, during those busy “sales days,” we trainers, and other gym staff, would tour unsuspecting prospective victims clients about the gym while touting the wonderful exceptional qualities of gym and staff–some things we were told to say bordered on “not quite as wonderful as said.” Well, I was always honest/truthful, even if it meant I would not make that sale and would not make any extra money, but that’s just how I rawk-n-roll. Listen to the “spiel” but look carefully about the gym and ask as many questions as you need to: Is the gym clean, and do they regularly clean the equipment? Is the whirlpool/jacuzzi cleaned properly, drained, sanitized, and re-filled regularly, etc.? Is the equipment in good shape? Do the staff seem upbeat, excited to have you there? Is the contract easy to understand? Do they offer a few free weeks you can take advantage of? What kind of classes are offered and are they included in the contract? Etc etc!

Gyms take in monthly contract sales whether you and you and you and you attend the gym or not, and even sometimes over-book because of the “donations” concept, so why just “give” them your money? GO!: Sometimes I’d hear the salespeople talk about “donations/donators.” Yeah. Those are the people who are all gungo-ho’d to join a gym and work they’s asses off after the holidays (or before a wedding, or a reunion, or whatever the event may be), and after about a month, or when the event is over, their happy asses quit going to the gym—and since they signed a contract for a year, la tee dah, all they’s butts are doing is making a donation every month. It’s difficult to worm your way out of a contract, folkses, so think twice before signing your name to a binding document.

Most Gyms will work with you, for they want/need your business: What I would suggest to potential clients of the gym was to sign up for a shorter contract—say three months. Yes, it was not as good of a deal, but three months was, and is, a good amount of time to see if you’ll be consistent in your gym-going. Then, if you are consistent and want to continue, work with the gym for a better contract–believe me, folks, all gyms WANT and many NEED your business, so you can ask them to give you a good deal or you walk–just be reasonable, for after all, it is a business where people/bills have to be paid, too.

well, huhn!

Ask about free personal trainers, and use them, but ask about their experience: When you sign up at a gym, take advantage of the (usually a few sessions only) free personal training service, if it is offered. Do, however, ask them what kind of experience the gym trainers have. More education does not necessarily mean a great trainer, but they should be certified by a reputable agency (you can do your research), and what they say to you when you talk with them should make sense to you, and fit your personal goals. Of course, if your personal goal is to sit on your ass, well, no reputable trainer would say, “Sure dude! I can work you out on your couch! Just show me the money.” Haw. Lawd no.

Gyms should offer, at the least, a trainer/staff to show you how to use the equipment properly: You simply must know how to work that gym equipment properly, with proper form, to effectively, and safely, work out. Don’t think you are “bothering” the trainers, for that’s what they are there for. And, if they are worth a dang, they will enjoy showing you what to do—I used to love the busy times, because I hated standing around twiddling my thumbs. I loved training, and when someone wanted me to help them, I did it gladly and with passion, and for free. I had clients who paid me to work with them, but that was separate from the help I gave to clients on the gym floor. Take advantage of trainers who are walking about the gym. If they do not have trainers on the floor, then ask a staff person to provide someone to answer questions/help you with equipment. If there is no one available, maybe another gym is in order? However, don’t try to wheedle free hour-long sessions from a trainer, y’all, now! Dang!

You don’t have to say “no, never” to this kind of thing, but you CAN say, “Hardly ever, only occasionally”

Don’t burn up and burn out: One of the worst things you can do is to go in that gym all fired up and jumping around and slamming your fist in the air and Doing Too Much until you burn out and drop out. I saw it, and I see it, time and time again. That fired up WANT to be in shape and/or lose weight. The person will go to the gym every day, stay for far longer than they should, eating little food and/or foods that have

An apple a day may be a cliche, but it is solid advice–it just may keep the doc away, uh huh

no taste because they think that’s the best way to lose weight. Dial it back a little and give yourself time to be used to the new load you are placing on your body with exercise—if you are too sore to work out, or have a stress-injury, you will not be able to continue your work out safely and effectively until you feel better. If you eat foods you hate, you won’t keep up with your new eating plan. Take time to think things through with a well-thought out plan for a reasonable exercise routine that you can slowly build on. Take time to think about meals that are tasty but healthy that you will reasonably fit into your daily meal-times. Don’t be unrealistic, but DO challenge yourself to try new foods/workouts!

Do your research to find a gym/trainer that/who fits: Now, get out there and do some research. Find a gym that fits you. If you hate gyms, then I’m not talking to you in this post—although, I will say to you who hate gyms: Why? If it’s the money, fine, I can understand that, and perhaps you can talk to a gym about some kind of reasonable contract. But if it’s because you become a “donator,” then consider altering your thoughts and routines at the gym—and consider trying out the gym for a shorter contract time, or a gym that offers month-to-month without contracts–although, you could use that contract as a motivator–”I’m going because I simply will not throw away my money for nothing!” YEAH!

Now, go ye and be healthy and kick-ass! I’m here for you if you have any questions–about working out, or about writing!

When my head exploded, that was enough for me: Taking back my life, Part 2

Go Away. I’m enjoying doing Nuttin!

I’m feeling rebellious. Feeling all eye-rolly and pouty and “whatEVER”-y. The more I hear and read about how much I should be doing to draw people to me and to my “product” (that’s my books, y’all, but also it’s my blog, my You-Tube page, my FB/twitter—my online presence), the more I back away with my hands held out, “Whoa, just whoa now . . . .”

Remember this post “Doing the F*ck what I want; I”m taking back my life” ? Yeah. I’m still feeling that, majorly.

I’ve been off-line a whole lot more than I have in years. It feels rather wonderful!  In the mornings, I rise and instead of pushing my face in a screen, I grab my coffee, sit in my comfy rocker, and stare out at the smoky mountain view: the mountains, ridgetops, the critters. I see/feel/hear/touch/experience. And guess what? My coffee tastes better—no! Really! I thought I was just preparing better coffee, but I’ve come to know it’s that I’m actually TASTING the sumbitch instead of slogging it down my throat as I scan the ‘puter. And I took that unplugging further to other points in my day. I’m feeling human again, less cyborgish—haw!

Always looking in the rearview at what I missed? hell no!

It’s becoming about self-preservation of my sanity, y’all. Yeah. When I am online, I am inundated with people telling me how I’m doing things all wrong, and how I’m missing opportunities, and how I could be a fucking millionaire if I’d just listen to their advice and stop whining about how I don’t want to listen to their advice—how if I weren’t so hard-headed and resistant and a negative-nelly, then I’d be not only more beautiful and younger and AWESOMER, but I’d also be selling a whole lot more books and people would flock instead of trickle to my blog and facebook page and twitter. I’d be one popular bitch! But since I’m not doing the things they tell me to do, I will be forever medium, maybe even less than medium, I’ll be low, just a simmer on the hotplate of life.

Going INSANE hooohooohahahahhaahahaha

And I’m watching writers, and others, as they try to catch up and catch on, as they jump through hoops, as they constantly try to let everyone know their product is available so please please buy it or like it or try it for free. And the more I see it, the more I don’t wanna.

All that advice and hollering and people waving their hands in the air like that Horshack dude on “Welcome Back, Kotter,” yelling Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! makes me feel crazy and discombobulated and confused, and worst of all, Less Than. Yeah, folkses, it’s having the opposite affect/effect than maybe intended—instead of feeling inspired, I am becoming Rebellious. I am turning away from all that advice. Just as I said in that earlier blog post, I am still, and further, Taking Back My Fucking Life.

KA-BLOOOOEY!

For all you who know how to market yourself, who enjoy that, who can navigate through all the White Noise Din and find the advice that fits you perfectly and can apply that advice and then become really Kick-Ass, then well dang, You Go! I’ll be eating your dust and feeling those envy twinges. For all you who give advice, and I’ve been known to do it—we all do it—I know many of you, like me, do it from a place of goodness and an urge to share what you know and pass it forward, well, then go ye to advice-giving and don’t look back. But for all but a few I’ve come to admire and adore, I just can’t take in anymore of it; I’m full; I’m filled to the brim; I’m over-flowing; I’m a Mt. Vesuvius of information and advice exploding out in a fury of fire and rock. I’m kind of done, at least for this moment, this time in my life.

I no longer want to feel as if I am not good enough, to feel less than, to be told I am missing all these opportunities and thus stupid for it; I just don’t want other people to define who and what I am any longer. I just ain’t good at all that stuff and that’s that. Pretty danged simple: I ain’t good at it; it makes me crazy. Nothing anyone says has made any difference, and believe me, I’ve read and tried to apply and instead my head spun around and then exploded.

Here is what I have to offer you all, and it’s pretty danged simple: I write good books—they’re not for everyone, but they are for many. I write them the best I can—I give my ALL when I write; I do it with love and passion and sincerity and care. I do the best I can with my words and language and then they are put out to the world and I hope for the best. I can’t beg you to buy my books, to like me. I don’t want to scream and shout and raise my hand in the air as I try to attract your attention. I would love to be discovered by you, and then for you to love me and my books.

I’d love to have your respect, most of all.

Kat enjoying friends

I want to be Me. Who I am. Imperfect but still Kick Ass. I don’t want to make myself into some Product that I have to sell to all of you. I just want to do what I love and live my life. I want to see people as People, interesting people who I want to interact with in Real Life and Online, not as walking wallets who should buy my books, or as potential numbers on my stats. I want to enjoy you all, and I want you to enjoy me.

When constantly scrabbling about seeking approval or friendship or readers or “numbers,” I am devaluing myself but I am also devaluing YOU; I feel cheapened and I cheapen YOU—does this attitude apply to everyone out there who promotes/gives advice/etc? Hells to the No, I am only speaking of how I feel about my life and what works or doesn’t work for me. Everyone must find his/her own Kick Ass Life.

Letting Go of some things feels a little worrisome at first, but the more I Let Go, the better I feel. The more I ignore what so many people are telling me I “Should Do,” and instead do what the fuck I want to do, the better I feel; the more I feel comfortable with myself instead of feeling that kind of “ick” feeling of constant self-promotion, the more my life takes on a richer more colorful hue.

Does this mean we never talk about good news, or our books/whatever? Well, that’s silly; course not! But when I do have something wonderful to share, well, I can share it and feel proud of it or happy about it and then go on with my life. Like when calling/emailing/texting a friend and saying, “Guess what happened!” and sharing it, versus constantly calling/texing/emailing that friend until she/he is sick of my ass.

Maybe all this will mean my books will forever be stuck in some limbo of “okayness” when it comes to sales and rankings and I’ll never be more than than medium. It’ll probably mean my blog and other social networking sites will always be in some middling piddling land. Maybe it’ll mean people will shake their heads at my stupidity and think how I am missing so many opportunities.

But hot damn! I’ll be happier! Oh yeah. Much much happier—with my life, myself, and all the world around me–cause the dirty little secret is that if you do sell a shit load of books or whatever your product is, if you do call to you lots and lots of people, if you do make some kind of Successful Goal, it never ends, you will want or need more or it doesn’t last and you try to grab it back as it fades back some, it’s forever a hard-ass ride to the top.

When I let go, I feel more substantial.

I feel free.

That’s me. Yeah.

 

 

#takingbackmylife

Will all y’allses authors stand on your head wearing a book suit with a little book hat?

For months I kept an eye on a new hot dog and ice cream parlor. This new business tried just about everything to draw customers to it—new items gaily written on the menu board, wi-fi now available!, bright colors shouting out, huge signs proclaiming their awesomeness, and a woman dressed as a hot dog with a hot dog hat who stood outside and waved exuberantly while rubbing her tummy and beckoning everyone to “Come on in!”

Did it work? If the parking lot was any indication, not so much. However, just a few miles from this little hotdog stand is a hamburger and ice cream joint that always has a full parking lot. One could say it’s the difference between hot dog love and hamburger love. Still, I wondered: just what makes the customer choose one place over another?

It isn’t always about the quality and taste of the food or the spiffy look of the establishment. Maybe the food isn’t as good, or isn’t any better, in the crowded

Good food, okay food, exceptional food . . . atmosphere, word of mouth . . . what draws you in to a restaurant?

restaurant, but the atmosphere brings in the customers, or how long it’s been around, or people talk about it and spread the word, or or or . . . .

There are the places that are always full, seats hard to find, and while the food may be consistently good, or even hit or miss, there’s just something about the restaurant that pulls in a good loyal crowd.

There are the iconic restaurants, and the ones who garner five-stars who employ chefs with a pedigree. The food is good, the atmosphere stunning, the prices astronomical.

Well, isn’t there good food and wonderful atmosphere in the little tiny diners across America? —why yes, and they’ve only to find that One Thing, or Some Thing to call the customer to them, and once that happens, off they’ll go! Right? Right? Well. Maybe. Maybe not.

I’ve tried to study the whys of how some restaurants are packed and popular and others, though they have good quality food and sincere staff/owners, are barely hanging on. I have come to the conclusion that sometimes there simply isn’t a why. Sometimes there is only a How It Is. Sometimes it’s just luck. Timing. And luck. And Lots of Luck. And some Something that can’t be defined no matter how much we try, no matter how many blogs and updates and twitter feeds we read about “How To.” Sometimes it just is.

So. Our books. Yeah. Our readers. Our love. Our Life.

We can try to call people to us with contests or give aways or pointing out the good reviews

finding the silver lining . . .

we have or wear a funny book suit with a book hat on our heads while exuberantly rubbing our bellies—et cetera et cetera et cetera—but, in the end, sometimes our books may never become iconic or popular—we may never make a million bucks, and be lucky to make some thousands of bucks, or some may be lucky to sell but a few books at all.

While there are those savvy people who know how to market effectively, most of us are standing around with deer in the headlights eyes, flinging out sticky shit one side to the other in the hopes something sticks.

See, I’m thinking — I have to wake up with myself every day. I have to look in

No, really, I am a NICE person – I wouldn’t push my brother over the edge.

the mirror and like what I see. I have to feel comfortable with myself. I have to write the best book I know how and then hope a lot of hope. It is not in my nature to stand outside in a funny suit, rubbing my stomach, and wildly beckoning y’all to come inside. It’s in my nature to give you my words with love and hard work and sincerity and do the best I know how while remaining the person I am. To try my best without being a big pain in the ass to the social networking airwaves.

Would I love to see my books back in the Number 1 spot at Kindle? Hells to the yeahs, but will I hop on my head while reciting the complete works of Shakespeare to get your attention? Nope! Because what would you think of me? What would I think of myself? Lawd!

Keep it flowing and flowing and flowing and flowing . . .

Readers: what you can do to help your favorite author is to pass along the word – tell others about the author/book(s), and further if you are so inclined, review it on Amazon, B&N, etc., or talk about it on your blog/facebook/twitter: give us your love for it will be appreciated. Writers, what you can do is support other writers – someone else’s success does not take away from our own potential or real successes! We also can be more appreciative of what we have and where we are, for there is always someone else who’d love to be in our position. We should write the best books we can, and present them as beautifully and as “perfectly” as possible (note: in other words, don’t be in such a hurry to throw out your words just to say “I’m published”).

By the way: that hotdog stand went out of business. Just sayin.

Tell me: what’s up with y’all? My laptop is still in the laptop hospital and this little mini-netbook is terrible. lawd. I hope this post turns out presentable. Lawdy be in a bucket of worms.

Announcement: Three Authors signing & Music in Waynesville, NC . . .

This is off my schedule of course, but since it’s a “special announcement,” here I am. If you are in the Western North Carolina area, I hope you will join us for music and authors and books and some food. I am now home from Oregon – lawdy I have so many photos to upload.

See y’all later – either at the bookstore or here online!

On Sunday, July 15 at 3:00 p.m., Blue Ridge Books will host authors Kathryn Magendie (Family Graces), Kimberly Brock (The River Witch), Erika Marks (Little Gale Gumbo), and the musical act, Grits & Soul. Kathryn Magendie’s Family Graces is the last in her trilogy that includes Tender Graces and Secret Graces. Her trilogy traces the journey of Virginia Kate Carey as she deals with the ghosts of her dysfunctional family. The River Witch, Kimberly Babb Brock, set in Georgia’s Sea Islands, follows the mystical story of ballerina Roslyn Byrne after the end of her career and a devastating miscarriage.  Erika Marks’ Little Gale Gumbo is about a family that relocates from New Orleans to a small island town in Maine. Camille and her two teenage daughters open a Creole restaurant and become an indispensible part of the community. Grits & Soul, comprised of Anna Kline and John Looney, has already met with national acclaim. Their song “Flood Waters” caught the ears of CNN reporters last summer after it was featured on NBC affiliates around the South.

Blue Ridge Books152 S. Main Street Waynesville, North Carolina 28786 828-456-6000 blueridgebooksnc.com

Wednesday Classroom: Do your research to gain trust with your reader, yawwwwl

Morning Y’allses! Guess where I am while you are reading this? In Oregon! Lawdy but I’m far away from my little log house. GMR and the dawgs and the ghost dawg have the house and cove all to themselves and I bet they miss my pea-headed s’ef.  So, for this post, I’m a’trying to post ahead of time. Just think, as I’m typing this I’m in the little log house, but as you read it, I’m in Oregon. Wheeee ain’t technology grand?

Folkses, as you all may be able to tell from reading my posts on writing, I can be strict about some thangs. I try to have things Right. I want to convince my audience, and you should, too!

With fiction, bring in truths to ground the reader—and whatever those truths are will be  up to the writer to convey them. The amount of danged old research we do will have much to do with the place/time we create. My worlds have been and are in South Louisiana, West Virginia, and here in these western North Carolina mountains. My time has been from the 50′s to the present. My research will deal with that time and place.

If I’m writing about a real town, I need to be accurate about that town to honor its people and sense of Place–I wouldn’t have New Orleans as the capital of Louisiana–lawd!–because it is Baton Rouge; I wouldn’t have Maggie Valley with a McDonald’s because we do not have fast food joints in Maggie (except for one lonely Subway, and who knows how it managed to find its way here). If I’m writing about a fictional town based on a real town, I have a little more flexibility, but I still need to be mindful. Most of my books do not mention specific towns, but my readers can often guess where I am talking about, or place my characters in a specific area that they can relate to.

If you’ses have yourse’f a world that’s all made up, like “Madeupland,” you still must ground the reader in some reality, yawwwl, right? riigghhht! So there will be some research even if it’s minor. Mainly, if you have a “Madeupland” you best be consistent–I tell you what!

All you’ses wunnerfuls out there have seen me write this before: Convince your audience and you’ve done your job, no matter how, what, where, when, who you write. Throw all the danged ole rules out the window for all I care—just convince me, or you lose me as your reader.

Sometimes you may think you have something correct, but you do not! oopsies! It doesn’t hurt to double-check those things you “remember” or “think you know.” I had Tang in a Tender Graces scene–later, it began to bug me, when was Tang invented? I looked it up and Lawd!, it wasn’t released to the general public until sometime after my scene–the astronauts had it first.

Whenever I mentioned a movie or a television show or a football game, I made sure I had it Right. Folkses, you don’t EVEN want to go messing with South Louisiana and have their LSU Tigers game days, or anything else, wrong–lawd! I can’t have my South Louisiana town’s team playing  Old Miss in September when they didn’t play until later in the season, or have them playing in town when it was an out of town game. I can’t have the movie Rocky coming out in March of 1976 (in Secret Graces), because it didn’t release until December 1976. Look It Up and double check–our memories are wankity.

You can play around with research to enhance your books. Was there a significant weather event that would change something with my characters or their Place? Or make something fun/interesting? (Like the South Louisiana Hurricane mention in TG when Mee Maw comes to visit—category five Grandmother.) Or, if in the holler in West Virginia there was a bad snow storm, Katie Ivene wouldn’t be flying to town in her Rambler with the windows open yelling “wheeee!” I found sites that show historical weather. I love those little details even if only I know that on April 13, 1976, it really was 82 degrees and foggy in a town in South Louisiana (I use weather more as a mood or as Place or whatever, not that I go around quoting weather).

Little details help the reader to “Be There” with the character, to ground them in a place or time or mood, maybe even to have them say, “I know that place/event/area!” “Hey, I remember that!”

Don’t rely on only one source. I do the best I can to make sure I have everything as accurate as possible—because you are worth my time and care, you being the reader. Often, I double and triple check my sources.

Will someone find an error if they go through my books with a fine-toothed eye? I don’t know, but it won’t be for lack of me working hard and doing my job best I can. I don’t respect lazy writing and I know it when I read it.

When and how you do your research is up to you. Do what works.

Don’t cheat. Don’t be lazy. It’s worth it to build trust with your readers. Do you want your reader to stop and say, “Hey, wait a minute! This ain’t right . . .” and bump them from your world, your story? Naw! And more important to me: I want my reader to trust me and to forget about me and only focus on the narrator and the story.

Do you make sure you have things Right and build trust? Does your work require extensive research, or just a bit?

See all y’allses wunnerfuls later!

Don’t forget: I changed my blog posting schedule for my Classroom series & I am your Personal Trainer series, etc, to the first and third Wednesdays of the month, with Friday open to photos/art/video: no words. So there will only be posts twice a month, and on most Fridays, photos/video/art with no words.

Friday Photos/Video: Cove Walk & Novelists Who Can’t Sing & Et Cetera

A novelist and her laptop – a love story Part One – to be continued . . .

I am The Worst Dang Singer EVER . . . I dare you to post YOUR singing – haw!

My brother composed this music for Virginia Kate

My debut novel Tender Graces and the video Bellebooks made – I was so excited!

Then when Secret Graces came out, I tried to make one – lawdy!

Okay all y’allses – I have a visitor coming who has never been to the states! Then, I’ll be flying out, leaving GMR and the dawgs here, to visit my Granddaughter, Son, and DIL in Oregon. I am hoping to post ahead of time for my first and third of the month posts -Don’t Forget Me! :D (Note new posting schedule to the right – )

Monday Classroom: See-Saw/Watch(ed)/Look(ed) – cleaning up our manuscripts, y’all (and no whining allowed!)

Morning all y’allses out there, wherever you are. I first want to say how much I appreciate you. Many of you come by here for every post, and there are those of you who leave comments regularly. Thank you.

I have not been able to return the favor as I used to, but I am subscribed to many of your blogs if you have that capability, and I do read your posts in my email. I know many of you are in the same ole boat–so much to do, so many blogs, so much social networking–Lawd!

I am behind on writing The Lightning Charmer because I whined too much instead of trusting my process.  ”I caaaaaan’t write this boooooook. Cause it suuuuuuucccckkkks and I suuuucccck!” I have a deadline; I have already received my advance; I have people depending on me, readers waiting. There should be No Whining Allowed! But whine I did. I felt stuck.

After four published novels and a novella, you’d think I’d Have This. But we can always create some angst, can’t we? Lawdy be in a bucket – yes. Folks, sometimes just switching a scene around (making something happen earlier–as I did to TLC) or turning the manuscript on its head in some other way does the trick–Hey! Why, there it is! There’s the thang I was looking for hiding in plain ole sight–haw! And then the “flutter” of excitement begins in my/our belly and off I/we go! Give that sucker (your manuscript) a shake and see what falls out. Do whatever it takes to make it seem fresh  and alive. No Whining Allowed! (Okay, you can give yourself “whine time” as long as you do not give in to it for longer than two shakes of a hippo’s tail.)

Sometimes it is appropriate for a character to see-saw/watch(ed)/look(ed). But oft-times we write the character seeing looking watching when the direct action would work better. Right? Riiighhht!

For example, let’s say there’s a scene in Tender Graces where Virginia Kate and Micah are on the porch in the Looseeaner house after she’s left West Virginia.

Oh look! A rock. I am looking at the rock. You are looking at the rock. GMR is watching me look at the rock. I saw the rock. I see the rock and saw it and looked at it

Scene:

I looked over at Micah as we rocked on the porch. I saw him grin at me. I watched him run down the steps, pick up a pretty rock, and bring it back to me. He looked at me looking at the rock. I saw him look at me. We looked at each other and smiled. I watched him sit down. He looked at me as I rocked. I watched as he rocked. Then we looked at the sky because we were danged ole sick of looking at each other, sheesh.

Okay, folkses, I know that’s a little extreme, *teehee,* but you get the idea. Obviously sometimes we use looked/watched/saw, etc, because it fits the scene. Sometimes Virginia Kate uses the “I’m a looking fool” because that’s what she does–her thang; in those cases, I actually use it as a device, On Purpose, and I know it is On Purpose and the audience knows it is On Purpose–if they do not, then I ain’t done my job. This is what I mean about breaking rules or manipulating the language—if you are aware of what you are doing, if you are doing it On Purpose, it is fun to play with the language and it can be quite effective/affective.

If the sneakity sneaker thangs make their way into the work, then being aware of those sneakies will help tighten the manuscript.

Don’t stress yourself striving for perfection, especially in the first draft or two. I like to slam that story down first. However, the more you know instinctively, the less mess you have to clean up, right? RIIIIGHHHT!

Simplistically:
I saw the ball hit the wall. – The ball hit the wall.

I watched Marie jump rope. – Marie jumped rope.

I looked at Jennifer eating her pie. – Jennifer ate her pie. I want pie–this has nothing to do with this post, I just want pie now.

The audience will know the narrator is doing the watching/looking without us bomping them upside the head with it.

Playing with language and words is the most wonderful danged old thang in the world. If you tend to “over-do” or “over-use” certain words or phrases, etc, find ways to recast your sentences/phrases to create a tighter work. A swollen manuscript will become, well, not swolled up.

So, pull up your manuscript in your editing phases and do a search/find and see how many “look/see-saw/watch” you have hiding in there. You may be surprised.

Now–go Do This Day with Gratitude. And write.

Monday Classroom: The angst we can heap on our pea-heads, or the joy – you are in control, right?

Sometimes I follow Good Man Roger into Ingles Supermarket as he shops for groceries (yeah, he does the grocery shopping and most the cooking because I just ain’t innerested, y’allses! Left to my own self’ses, I eat the weirdest stuff that does not require cooking, or very little of it). I wander the aisles touching things and going “Hmmmm . . . food good, like food . . .” or I’ll study the ad copy on some miracle face cream and wonder if it’ll make me look like the Tender Graces author photo my publishers airbrushed–I look like my younger cousin once removed *lawd!*

And while doing these la-tee-dah thangs, I suddenly think, “Oh, hey, hold up y’all! I just remembered! I’m a published author.” I lift up my head from bright-colored packaging and muse-i-vate, “Right this very danged ole moment, someone may be reading one of my books . . .” Oh wonderment!–and

I gots books and friends and family – lucky me!

no one even knows who I am. But what if someone does? What if that person who just walked by and looked at me and smiled as if they know me does “know” me. Lawd! Teeheehee! I’m an author and I done wrote some books and those books are out there somewhere on someone’s bedside or bookshelf, or in their Kindle or Nook or whatever, whodathunkit?

I inhale that moment with the mountain air. I swallow it down and it enters my blood and rushes through my veins and fills my marrow and I’m full full full of how wunnerful it all is. As if I can think, “My time has come at last.” Without hubris, for humility covers my head like a gentle hand staying the jittery jumping up and down in glee–yeah, that humility ain’t always humble in us, is it? But it sure will kick us upside our asses if we become too comfy in our authory skinses and think we’re all that and then some on a southern-fried stick *haw haw.* Dang. I wanna be all that and then some on a southern-fried stick, at least a little. Right? Riiighhht. For without goals, what are we? Goal-less I guess – teehee. But I need me some goals. Something to work for, and that something is You and You and You reading me me me. Right? Isn’t that what you all writers out there want? Besides some Pride in our accomplishments? Maybe a best-seller list. And an award–ohh, yeah, a big fat ole award telling us how brilliant we are! Oh, yeah, and our ever-present humility, too – haw!

Yup, there are those moments of such clarity, those that stop me short in the peanut butter and jelly aisle. Those moments where I feel gratitude, and a surreal fascination with the entire process of writing and books and language and publishing. And how I am a part of all that even if in a small way in the Big Fat Ass Scheme of Thangs.

Aw lawd, what if what if what if what if – I’m trapped in What If Land!

Then, lawd he’p me, there are the moments of terror. The expectations I heap upon my ole pea-head until it’s heavy and I have to go lie down and pull some covers over my weighted-with-angsty-lawdyness head. I lie in my bed and the anxiety curls itself around my innards. “What if this very

lawdy! gots my pea-head all tied up in knots!

moment someone is reading my book and thinks, ‘This isn’t very good. I think I’ll put it down and read something else . . .’” Oh horrors! ”What if I don’t sell many books and my publishers and family and friends think I’m a failure?” Ungh  ungh! “What if the next book isn’t as good as the last? And was the last good enough?” Shivers on me timbers! “What if I let everyone down?” Oh Chicken Little, be quiet! The sky is not falling to bang you upside your head, lessen you pull it down your head. Right? Riiiighhhht.

There is such contradiction in this process of having your dream come true. For me, the original dream was to see my Virginia Kate novel published and to know she is being read and enjoyed by someone somewhere. I accomplished that. Everything else should be lagniappe (that’s a South Loooseeeaner term for “just a little something more.”) But when those little voices creep up and tell us how we need to do more, and more, and even more, and ever ever ever MORE MORE MORE MORE, this is when the joy of the language, the characters, the readers, the accomplishment of writing and publishing a novel is not enough and we think we have to have/do/be it all– and most of us can’t have/do/be it all. There’s always going to be Something More unless we find a way to put all this in some perspective, stop and take a breath, and then decide what our ultimate Goal is and how we will get there and if we do not get there will we be happy with what we DO have.

Welp, guess what? We really are in control of what we want to heap on our wittle pea-headed selves–much more than we give our selfses credit for. We can heap and heap, or we can not heap and heap.

Relax, relax, relax and enjoy life sometime . . .

I know I like me better when I’m walking through the grocery store and suddenly stop and that beautiful realization pops me upside my head that I actually did it. I wrote a novel and that novel is published and then I wrote three more of them and they were published, and any one of them could be, right at this moment, read and enjoyed by someone out there somewhere. Sometimes that is enough. Those Dang! Whoop! I did it! moments of tasting our accomplishments–rolling those accomplishments on our tongue. Sometimes, it is enough. Sometimes. Sommmmeeetimmmmmessssss it is enough *sigh*

My challenge to all of you is to stop where you are at this moment in your life, savor who and where you are—hold close to you the Right Now moment, before you move on to MORE MORE MORE. Then, when you move on to More, maybe it’ll have a Name and  Goal instead of “I have to have/be/do it ALL!”

squirrels ain’t stressing

Right now. Right here at this moment, a mountain breeze flies down from the ridge and brushes against my face, a bird’s bright eye watches me, a chipmunk fills its cheeks with seed, the red squirrels are fussing, the creek sings its journey song to the bold creek to the river to the ocean, the sun tips greened trees, and I feel a connection to every creature, every living being—through words and thought and life. I will soon begin my day’s work and it is good. It is good. Right now, it is good.

Thank all y’allses for reading: Now . . . what is your right now, right here moment?

And what is your Ultimate Goal?

Monday Classroom: Why you’ses dumping information all up and down and all-over creation? Ain’t necessary.

Oh woe is us’ses but sometimes we feel the need to stuff down too much information at once, instead of gradually feeding information to our readers, or hinting, or giving them just enough so that they come to their own conclusions. We think, and I have done this, we have to tell the reader “certain thangs” or else they’ll be lost or won’t read our story because we haven’t given them “reason to—” but instead, when we dump too much on our readers, we may drive them away (meaning: put down our book – NOOOO lawdy NOOO! Woeful sobbing Noooooo’s!)

Some writers want the reader to know some “backstory” or other information that may or may not be crucial to the storyline and they shove it down the readers’ throats all at once. Ease back. It’ll all work out. Trust the process. Trust your readers. Trust yourself. Let your reader figure things out, feed them a spoonful so that they want more, and then give them just a little more.

Some writers want the reader to know how the character looks, because they know just how that character is “supposed to” look instead of letting the reader form their own images.

And please y’allses, don’t describe your character in a mirror. That’s another form of dumpity dumping information.

Can you see me? You can see enough of me.

Now, does that mean you can never ever ever never ever have your character look into a mirror and “see” her/himself? Whyses No’ses. Shoot, I have a mirror scene (or two), as in: Young Virginia Kate runs to her bedroom to fetch her camera, sees herself in the mirror, and notices her hair is messy, she has a spot of ketchup on her blouse and it reminds her of the snake’s blood (from the snake polo scene). So, she makes these observations and goes on. That’s something we’d all do, wouldn’t we? We’d pass a mirror and make an observation about ourselves, but would we describe ourselves to ourselves?–um, prolly not.

Remember I’ve said before: think about your scene in reality. What do people really do?

And lawdy be in a bucket, sometimes, to my horrorification, information dump is done in dialogue, and in such an

Objects in mirror are often described too much . . .

unnatural way, thusly:

After describing her heaving bosoms, cornflower blue eyes, pouty red-tinted lips, thick glorious hair, and determined chin in the mirror, arms akimbo, she stomped her little foot and cried to the bedroom decorated in tapestries and filmy scarves, because no one was standing there and the room was a good listener, “I am going back to the market on fifty-first street today, where I went last week to buy tomatoes for the famous homemade sauce my family has made for generations and I have made my twenty-three years I’ve been on this earth, and while there I saw that dark and dastardly street vendor Raoul and Raoul stole my broach just as it happened with my mother and her mother’s mother and her grandmother before her! I shall have vengeance on Raoul this very day or else my name isn’t Sabrinina Melissa Bambitto Deligato!”

 Lawd!

Some writers want the reader to “see” the place/setting/room/house just as they imagined it, so they write and write and write the description to dawg-danged-old death, such as:

She then turns on her pretty little slender heels and stalks out of the bedroom, and as she huffs to her front door . . . the

lawd, I need a nap! Wearing me out with all these words!

drapes were orange-marmalade velveteen after it has set in the sun three hours, the armchairs polka-dotted except on the fringe because the fringe is solid and hung down all-fringe-like, and in the corner to the right was a purple violet vase with forget-me-nots inside with an inch of water to cover the stems and some aspirin in there to keep the flowers fresh and the flowers were bought last Tuesday and were still perky and next week she’d put red—the color of the red crayon she had as a child and it was her favorite—roses in the vase and the petals would be soft as her peachity-creamy comely skin, and in the other corner to the left, as Sabrinina Melissa Bambitto Deligato’s corn-flower blue eyed lashes swept her flushed cheeks as she further surveyed the room and saw how her lovely yellow as a egg yolk that just was cracked from the shell five minutes ago chaise longue captured her kitty cat named Mr. Furry McFurrPants, and the lady-slipper pink carpeting that crushed most charmingly and softeningly  under her tiny little feet, and the chandelier above her golden-blonde glorious hair sparked all diamondy and sparkly, and . . .

. . . and all the while, we are supposed to imagine Sabrinina Melissa Bambitto Deligato is walking through this room staring at all of this long enough for the reader to read allllll this description—so she must be walking sloooooowww moooooootion, right? Riiggghtt. Why not just give a little detail here and there that she notices as she goes through the room—maybe a favorite item that she touches or brushes her hand against, or a couple of details about the room that a person would note as they walked through it—the reader will fill in the blanks and be happy to do so, even if they don’t even realize they are filling in the blanks and instead think you are a genius at description—Haw!

Okay, while I’m at it: I’ve never used arms akimbo (other than this example :-D), but the other night I read a book and there it was. In fact, I had to look up “arms akimbo” to know what it meant. I’ll never use arms akimbo, but I suppose if you must you must. Nope, I ain’t telling you; you’ll have to look it up just as I did. *laughing oh laughing with mouth akimbo.*

Professor Dawg says, “Woof!” – that means, write it all good and all, y’allses

So, friends, what I am talking about here and digressed into my brain going akimbo is don’t take the easy or cheating or unimaginative or lazy way out and force down the throats of your readers information—instead write it to show readers in a more natural, or gradual, way, in a way that gives the reader credit for knowing or figuring out much more than we as writers think they do/can. If you need to write it all out, that’s great, as long as you delete what isn’t needed. Consider: our readers’ imaginations and thought-processes are quite intelligent. Why, sometimes they even think up better things than we could have written . . . right? Riiighht! No, really, riiighhht!

If you dump on your readers too much description, they’ses eyes might glaze over and what might they do? OH NO! They might put down the book or “skim it.” Oh, the dreaded skimming isn’t as bad as the putting down the book, but both set my wittle heart to squeezing inward with writerly angsteses. Why, I bet some of you’ses out there have skimmed this! Oh heavy Irony abounds! Haw!

I read a novel a couple of weeks ago by a well-known, well-beloved author. So imagine my surprise when she info-dumped a whole-lotta backstory into the first chapter. There was no dialogue, no moving the story along—it was as if she

la la la la I can’t hear youuu; I’m looking inside my hat – you done lost me – la la la tee dah – Yawn, whatchoo was saying? Whatever, the inside a-my hat is more innerestin

and I were sitting in a restaurant having dinner and she was filling me in on all these details to make sure “I got it—you know, got it, the stuff that happened before the stuff that’s really happening” all before she could go on to “the meat of the story.” Well, I was bored. I didn’t want to know all that backstory—I didn’t care. Because once she began writing The Story, once she just wrote what the character was up to, I forgot all that crapa-doodle-doo-doo she’d stuck in that first chapter. It’d have been so easy to take a few things from that first chapter and insert a little bit here and there to fill me in on any details. She could-a deleted most of that entire first chapter and I’d have not cared.

How do you know it’s backstory? How do you know it’s boring? How do you know it’s crapa-doodle-doo-doo? Dang—you’ll have to use your instincts on this one, folkses. If you feel you are moved to tell your readers a bunch of this’s and thatses to “catch them up” or to “make sure they know the reason for it” or “if I don’t tell them this, they may not understand what comes later,” then maybe just maybe you are dumping information in the front part of the book—then it’ll be all top heavy and end up toppley-gangly all over creation. As well, if you are bored or restless when you read it–not a good sign.

Write write write—and then make good friends with your delete key. It’s such a lovely key. People are afraid of the delete key. They think the delete key is EEEE-VILLLLE, but it isn’t! It’s our friend.

But, y’allses know what I tell you. What I preach and preach—what is most important to remember: If you convince your audience, make them believe, make them happy to be where you lead them, engage them in your character’s world, you have done your job–Period. And be-doodle-be-damned any “advice” some writer, like me or anyone else, gives you, right? Riiighhht! But consider: just consider.

So, are your arms akimbo? If so, un-akimbo them and get to work! That’s what I’ma gonna do, folkses.

Friday Photos (and a free Kindle book for mother’s day) . . .

A bit of news first – I passed this news on at my facebook page (come ‘friend’ me if you like!- I’m rather shy so I mostly stand on the corner waiting for people to come to me *laugh*), and will do so here – either Amazon, or Bellebooks, has put my first novel – the first in the trilogy – Tender Graces – on a free promo for two days only (far as I know)  - yesterday and today. It’s for a Mother’s Day promo (there are strong mother-daughter themes in the trilogy), and as a “launch celebration” for Family Graces release. I always love passing on promos, and you all know it’s difficult for me to post/talk about my books–lawdy be in  a bucket!

Tender Graces, back when it was first released, became a Kindle best-seller – hitting number 1 over The Help on the Kindle Paid list of top 100 for  a while there – it was most exciting! It then hovered there in the top 5 for a while, and that was quite exciting, too.

Now, on the Free list, it is hovering at No 1 on contemporary fiction and No 4 on over-all kindle books–this does help with people seeing an author, I do believe, but whether it does or does not, it’s a great promo for readers to try out an author. So, thank you to all you who have downloaded my Virginia Kate — I hope you enjoy it and if so, you will perhaps read the rest of the trilogy! *smiling warmly* And if you want to try out my books without risk, here’s your chance.

There is much debate about “free books” and I won’t go into what I think or don’t think or in between–but, those promos are here to stay, I do believe, and at best they give readers a chance to check out an author and as a Thank You for reading our work. At worst – well, I’m not going there because that’s not what this is about!

If you have  B&N Nook, then it is not free but it’s there as well. I want to give a shout out to Barnes & Noble, and the indie bookstores — I support them, as well, and all they do for authors.

Now . . . Photos of the day: Spider Webs

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