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Archive for the ‘gratitude’ Category

Hurtling forward . . . .

018This is a repeat of a post from March of 2007  – How damned appropriate that I stumbled on it now, when just about everything in my life is rushing forward so fast that many things will be left behind. It’s so apt, I had to re-post it . . . .
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Ever have that feeling that perhaps things are moving faster than you are, but then, at the same time, you realize it is you who is moving faster than those around you, some those, not all those.
 
And particles whiz by your head as you hurtle, and you become afraid . . . and there are those who will chide your fear, but do not worry, for maybe they are ahead of you, but at least you are moving . . . moving . . . moving.
 
Left behind are ones who will miss you, and for once, you can’t worry about that, for there are shiny things ahead, shiny new things . . . and maybe they will be sharp and give you pain, but how do you know, until you hurtle there?
 
185Ever have that feeling that things will never be the same again, that some action or thought or being will forever alter everything you tried to hold tight to yourself, until you give in and let go. And you feel excitement mixed with a scattered horror?
 
Ever have those feelings?
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DSC_0089I’ll be back soon with another post from my “list,” below, from my “never say never” post.
  • What not to do when you are alone and vulnerable
  • When you are the one you says, “I want a separation”
  • When you have said you “never” have writer’s block and suddenly you cannot write
  • When you have to leave a place/an ideal/a way of life that you thought was “forever” because you said “never will I leave this place/ideal/way of life
  • When disappointment in people attacks—when you realize the people you thought would call never do, and the ones you never thought would reach out to you do.
  • When the word “lonely” expands beyond and above what you ever thought it could be
  • When you think you cannot, absolutely cannot, face something—but then you do
  • What happens next?
  • At my age! . . . the prospects of dating and all that jazz (and being called a cougar—? Um, what?)
  • Etc.

Stop! Five “don’ts” when you are feeling vulnerable (and five “do’s”):

All righty then. From the list in the “never say never” post below:

  1. writer's blodkaDon’t drink too much. Okay, allow yourself that one night where you slug down some vodka and dance around the living room to techno trance (for the first 30 minutes) before feeling  sorry for yourself and throwing a mug against a tree and railing against your fates and . . .  and then just don’t . . . don’t allow yourself to drink yourself into a stupor where you curl into a ball in a chair and sob and fall asleep and wake up with your mouth dry and your pea-headed brain full of cotton and then unsteadily climb into your bed where you wake the next day feeling like crap on a stick that’s been beaten against a tree. Don’t. Find another way to cope. For that alcohol habit is not one you want to find yourself embedded in. No scenario has you drinking too much and then going, “Sure am glad I did that! I feel great now! All my problems are SOLVED!” Yeah  . . . no. And especially do not drink and text . . . .
  2. Don’t text whiny self-indulgent messages to anyone but your most trusted BFF (or post Facebook updates). No one wants to read that shit. No one wants to see your dark depressed underbelly. Believe me dangity do, that if you DO text/message/FB update with your whiny ramblings, you will forever regret it. Yes you will. YES YOU WILL! Do whatever is necessary not to bare your darkened squishy brain ramblings to anyone other than that trusted bestie. Later, when you are back to your strong kickass self, you will rather that you had not let people see a side of you that you’d have rather not—you will forever wonder if they now see you differently and not in a completely positive self-respecting I know my worth way. Remember, once again: NO ONE wants to read that shit—not even your BFF, but the contract of BFF’dom says they have to, so they have to suck it up. Only them, and you’d do the same for your BFF.
  3. well, sheee'it

    well, sheee’it

    Don’t further isolate yourself by further isolating yourself. Give yourself a little time–a week? two? three? four? oh oh-five? six? oops . . . seven? erk . . .  to push all the nasties out of your system, and then it’s time to stop wallowing. Get out with friends. Go for a drive. Invite someone(s) over. Workout. Smile at people. Talk to people. Be aware of your surroundings and remember where you once found joy. Remember that things are not all BAD, just different, and if there is some BAD, then remember it will not last forever unless you give the bad POWER—don’t give away your power. Find excitement in that different—isn’t this what you wanted? *Did you think this would be easy?*

  4. However, pertaining to Number 3, don’t spend time with people you don’t give a rat’s big ole ass about or who don’t give a rat’s big old heiny about you, just so you won’t feel alone. Self-Worth! Say it to yourself, in your head and then aloud: I know my worth! I am worthy! Look about your psyche-house until you find your self-worth and self-respect – are they under the bed, all dusty and rusty? Pull them out, dust them off, and let them back onto your life. Say it with me: I am worthy; I know my worth. You do not NEED people or company or that “friend” or that man or that woman or that crowd—be with the ones who give you joy, or are fun to be with/around, or you complement each other’s psyches or whatever. “I am worthy; I know my worth.”
  5. *I Kiss You*

    *I Kiss You*

    Beating yourself up? Don’t. Stop it. Yes, even if you’ve done the above. Give yourself a big fat break for being human. Beating yourself up will only make things worse. Even if you are the one who made the decision to dive into dark terrifying unknowns, who cut ties, who said, “I do not want this anymore,” why are you punishing yourself?  Why are you saying, “Oh well, this is what I get. This is what I deserve for shaking things up.” Nope. Not reality. Be your own BFF for a while. Use this quiet solitude time to discover just what kinds of guts you have. Recognize how you are doing exactly what you wanted and needed and considered for quite some time—and did you really think it was going to be easy? Hell no! Not much worth doing and having and obtaining ever comes “Easy.” Be kind to yourself. Love yourself. Give yourself some credit for Going For It, whatever that is, despite the initial feelings of grief and terror and stark-raving-madness.

DO!

  1. Do find gratitude—every day. Every morning take a deep breath and consider just what you are grateful for. And throughout the day, remind yourself what you are grateful for! Don’t forget to let out that breath. Ha.
  2. flexibility - yeah, it helps . . . uh huh

    exercise outdoors when you can

    Do get out and breathe in some fresh air; and definitely get some exercise. Your body and your brain will love you for it, and you will feel GREAT. I promise you this. If you have never exercised, then take a simple walk, and then another, and then another, and one after that, and another after that, and feel your body grow strong and your brain feel centered.

  3. Do live in the NOW, not some future. Remind yourself throughout the day to calm the voices in your head, stop for a moment, and BE IN THE NOW. What scents are surrounding you? How does your skin feel when you touch it? How do your lungs feel as you fill them with air? Your feet as they connect to the ground? Find the NOW, the present, this very moment in time, and savor it. The future will come soon enough and it’s rarely exactly how you envisioned it.
  4. Do reach out to your BFF(s) and your family. You can allow yourself a few whiny self-indulgent messages to the BFF (and maybe, MAYBE a trusted close family member), but after that, work with your besties and/or family on solutions to how you can transition from Old Life to New Life. There will have to be some grieving of the old life, even if you were ready to move on.  So . . . .
  5. photoDo allow yourself to grieve. If you don’t, then you are only denying what was once an important part of your life, no matter whether it wasn’t all healthy or perfect or wonderful or enlightened, it was still YOUR LIFE. Grieve the old as you step into the new.

 

A Whole Sackful of Crazy-let it out a bit of a time, Kat, and they'be be none the wiser -hahahahahahahaahahahhaNow. Go kickass.

Oprah says, “Don’t Be Attached to the Outcome . . . .” AHA! What about you and your “Goals?” . . .

$T2eC16ZHJHYE9nzpebcPBQwlkrIDOQ~~60_57When you have done everything that you can do, surrender. Give yourself up to the power and energy that’s greater than yourself  . . . and then don’t be attached to the outcome.”

When I read this last night in the January issue of O (Oprah) Magazine, I had one of her “Aha!” moments. For “attaching myself to the outcome” was exactly the thing I’ve always done. I’ve always been goal-oriented, driven, conscientious, competitive—nothing wrong with those traits, but when “attaching myself to the outcome” of my work, I create a never-ending river of rapids where, despite what I believe, I am not in control, and in fact outside forces and circumstance are completely in control of me as I hurtle from rock to rock, place to place, every so often my head above water, but so often I’m barely able to catch my breath.

In my life as a published author, this manifests itself as: I write the best books I know how with sincere love and hope and a whole lot of hard work and sacrifice. Where I attach myself to the outcome is when I angst and worry and make myself half-sick (or wholly sick) that I’m not achieving some “Desired Outcome” such as a literary prize, or a best seller list, or a review in some Big Magazine, or high on some ranking, etc etc etc—those are things for which I really have little control, so I’m tumbling willy nilly 084down those rapids, trying to grab onto slippery rocks (and banging myself up in the process), or grabbing at things just out of my reach. I attach my self worth to some outcome, instead of to what I have already achieved. I do not live in the Right Now where I see each step I make, each tiny,  or large, goal that I achieve in that moment as a success, as a part of my journey–I have not been paying attention, living my life for the moment. Everything has been about attaching myself to the OUTCOME–some faraway thing I’m hurtling towards.

What Oprah said so resonated with me, I felt my innards relax, gave myself permission to let go. It helps that I was ready for this statement, because already I’d been letting some things go, already assessing my life as an author, a woman, a mother, a grandmother, a sister, a friend. How many moments have I lost because I did not pay attention to the Right Now and instead kept looking so very far ahead? Well, actually, that’s still never-ending-circle thinking! Instead, I think, “Right now, I’m feeling happy to share this AHA moment with you.”

valerie-bertinelli-1-290x218What about how goal-oriented we are when it comes to fitness and healthand our weight? I mean, it’s all goal-oriented in the weight-loss field isn’t it? Actor Before; Actor After—everyone sees the outcome of the actor’s work on Jenny Craig or Weight Watchers, and let the games begin as you look at the “After” and say, “I want that! That’s what I want!” All the betweens for this person are unknown or forgotten.

But what if you didn’t attach yourself to the outcome? What if you didn’t attach some self-worth to the end-goal? What if you said to yourself, “Right now, this moment, I can’t control some future outcome—I don’t know what the future will bring. However! I can control the Right Now.” What if you lowered the FUTURE stakes by concentrating on the RIGHT NOW stakes.

When you say, for example, “I want to be healthy, in shape, and lose fifty pounds,” you are thinking of OUTCOME—the End Goal, some Thing that is off into the future. What if

Rainbows are right now; pots of gold are some goal where you miss the rainbow in the searching

Rainbows are right now; pots of gold are some goal where you miss the rainbow in the searching

you changed that to say, “Right now, I am going to go to the gym.” You go to the gym. At the gym you say, “Right now, I am going to jump on the treadmill and walk/run/walk-run.” Then you do it. You step off the treadmill and say, “I feel pretty good. Right now, I’m going to do some yoga/pilates/weights/stretching.” And you do it. You go home and you feel great, so Right Now you eat a sensible meal with some protein and carb. You say, “Right now, I’m going to eat an apple for dessert.” Who wants to think, “I can never have dessert again!” Bleah! BORING! UNREALISTIC! But, “Right now, I’m going to eat an apple for dessert,” is manageable, right?

Each thing you do, you do In The Moment, not thinking of outcomes, not basing your worth on some future goal, but on each goal no matter how small it may seem. You celebrate every small thing, or large thing, that you do and live in the RIGHT NOW.

Perhaps when you tell yourself, “Right now I’m going to go for a walk;” “Right now I’m not going to eat that candy bar;” “Right now I’m going to go to the gym and work out;” “Right now I’m happy because I lost a pound;” “Right now I’m happy because I was able to walk up the stairs without gasping for air;” “Right now I feel really great because I played catch with my kids/grandkids;” “Right now I look kick-ass in these jeans that I am able to now button,” you give yourself permission to live your life as it unfolds, in incremental joys, instead of always looking ahead and feeling frustrated because you Aren’t There Yet.

Stay in the moment(s) you are in. Enjoy your life RIGHT NOW. Celebrate every little, and big, moment in this Right Now.

How do you think that would feel? To live in the Right Now? Not to attach your happiness, your self-worth, your life on some outcome, but to let go of that and live your live in the moments? Why not give it a try?

DSC_0109 Right now, I am going to watch the rain fall on the smoky mountains and the birds flocking to the feeders.

Monday Classroom: We should all take a break . . .

Today I am thinking of so many men and women. And, I am thinking about my nephew. Gone 17 years now. He was almost 20 when he was killed in a training accident. He was in the Marines and something went wrong. He loved the Marines, and it did turn his life around. So young. So full of promise.

So many.

Today for Monday Classroom, I want to remind all y’allses beauties out there to take a day here, there, and yonder, to rest, reflect, go out and see the world, give thanks, have gratitude, experience. For when we do these things, our writing is richer, broader, opened up to so much more. We see things we’ve never seen or revisit things we’ve long forgotten or find beauty or find someone or find ourselves.

Memorial Day . . . a day for rest, a day for BBQ, a day for the beach, a day for family, and a day for remembrance . . . then, tomorrow, it’s back to work.

 

 

Presenting: Barbara from Serenity Gate…

Hi Y’all (yawwwllllll)….Isn’t that a lovely face? Barbara from Serenity Gate – what a light inside she carries- and look at her sparkling eyes.

Before I brag on Barbara, I guest blogged at J. Kaye’s Book Blog. Had a fun ole time, too. Still having fun – reading comments and answering questions. Teehee. She’s having a contest there, too- for a signed copy of Tender Graces – This is her contest, and the contest rules are outlined there (my apologies to my friends outside of US and Canada who may go there to try to win a copy …dang….!)

Now, there are so many of you who have taken the time to write up a praise blurb, or post about Tender Graces, or write up a review, or email me your thoughts, et-cetera. I am overwhelmed with gratitude. So, I’m going to spend some time bragging and talking up all of you! My first “brag” was on Deb Leblanc.

Today, I want to talk about Barbara at the Serenity Gate.
From Barbara’s sidebar: “WELCOME TO MY SERENITY GATE. I CREATED THIS QUIET SPACE SO THAT MYSELF AND OTHERS MIGHT FIND PEACE, INSPIRATION, AND JOY HERE. I HOPE YOU WILL STAY TO READ MY THOUGHTS AND ENJOY THE MUSIC AND ART.”

And I do find peace, inspiration, and joy there. And lovely music. And lyrical poetic musings. Barbara’s blog is a lovely breath of air. There is always something upbeat to read, to feel, to ponder over.
When Barbara won books from my book give-aways, I sent her a bonus book. I never expected anything in return. But one day a package came. Inside was a layer of cloud! Barbara sent me the most beautiful pashima – it is the softest wrap I’ve ever had. Stop by her Fatimas Treasures!
Barbara wrote this about Tender Graces- I am overwhelmed by her words (and Barbara – I saw your review on Amazon reviews – *laughing!* yes – I went by there…but just for a second, only a teeny second!):
I didn’t realize just how gifted she really is until I read her new book! How did I love it? Let me count the ways: 1. Poetic 2. Imaginative 3. Clever 4. Unique 5. Exciting 6. Haunting 7. It made me laugh/it made me cry 8. It’s one I’ll never forget. The story is beautifully written, haunting, profound, and develops the characters in a way that makes the reader feel personally connected. It should be in Oprah’s book club (for the complete post, you can click here)
Thank you, Barbara, for your words, and for your Serenity Gate.
Now, I need to Git to Work (yes GIT!….said like mean old Aunt Ruby!)

I’m so excited! and I ain’t gonna hide it, I was about to lose control but thank gawd I didn’t….haw!

I am feeling calmer. Ommmmm. Ommmmmm. Ommmygawdmmmmmm (teeheehee). Well, an excited calmer anyway …

First. My brother in Texas has already received his Tender Grace books! No Faiiirrrrr; I’m telling Moommmmmm. He called me up all excited and happy and jumping around opening up the box and then describing stuff to me. I asked, “How heavy is it? What color pink is it? What does it feel like? How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie roll tootsie pop?” Then he said he was just sitting there petting my book *laughing*….I said, “I want my boooookkkkssss….” He just laughed and said, “Nya nya nya nya nya; I got the first Tender Graces books! hahahahahahaha!” …..ah, brothers and sisters.
Here is something that eased my mind, too, though, not just that my books are actually real and I didn’t dream all this, and the proof is in the call I received from Tommy that he has my book! haw! I was stressed thinking about book signings and promo materials and all manner of things I thought I needed to do to be An Author…..silly me; I forgot that being an author has to do with words and language.
BelleBooks put it into perspective for me, and after that, I calmed. They told me that word of mouth and good reviews are what helps to sell your book. They told me to get to work on the second book – that is what is important right now. To not worry about Promo Materials like bookmarks and the like (for those most times get tossed away and forgotten – it is the words the writer writes that are remembered). They said not to knock myself out trying to do book signings all over – to choose some places I think I’d enjoy and do them there.
The main message is this: Word of Mouth. Good Reviews. Get the second book written!
So, for any of you who read Tender Graces and like/love it, then you tell someone else about it, and/or write up a review/thoughts on Amazon, or B&N, or Target, or your blog – or all of them (laughing!). Telling other readers about an author’s book is one of the greatest compliments a writer can have. And the greatest help an author can have. You all have already been doing this – before you even see the book and my gratitude is mighty mighty MIGHTY. Thank you.
In my google alerts this morning, I found a review for TG at Scooper Speaks. It made my morning to read it – when someone takes the time to read your work and then write about it, well, as I said: it is a compliment and a joy.
I have two reviews on Amazon….teeheehee. Made me happy.
So, what I’m feeling today is Happy. Tommy told his big sister: “Sister, ENJOY this — enjoy all these moments…” And I know that is the advice I have given and would give to others. I’m putting aside the anxiety I had all day yesterday and instead, I am going to enjoy all these moments! These FIRSTS will never happen the same way again….they’ll never be firsts.
Soon, my good friends, I will be scarce. I am making some decisions. Like, backing away from book reviews for a while…much as I hate to, for I love doing them, the last couple I have done do not seem up to my standards (I’m too distracted and busy!). I’ll be looking at some other things, as well, that need a second look. As for this blog, I certainly am not going to abandon it (gawd no!~) but, as I begin serious work on the second novel in the Virginia Kate Saga, I will need to place almost all my energies there. I would love to post my progress, but visiting will be cut way back – you know how it is; you visit and you read and next you know hours have gone by! So please forgive me if in the coming months you rarely see my little icon and “Haws!” and “LAUGHINGS!” and comments in your comments….although I am selfish and hope you will still come by here …teeheehee!
Today feels like a good good day. It started off good with that review I found; and from the conversation with Tommy and with BelleBooks last night to pave the way for this good day. I am going to take a mountain walk soon to clear my head, and then get some busy work done.
HAPPY DAY, Everyone! And, soon you should be receiving your books! Oh, I can’t wait! I’m so excited!
MY BOOKS ARE HERE! I HAVE A COPY OF TENDER GRACES ON MY LAP; ANOTHER ON MY SHELF; THE OTHERS WAITING TO GO WHERE THEY NEED TO GO! IT’S REAL! I HAVE A PUBLISHED NOVEL! OH SHE’S BEAUTIFUL! I THINK I’M GOING TO EITHER CRY, THROW UP, SCREAM YAYYY, OR FAINT–all all of those things! laughing…..

Exit light, enter night…off to where-ever-land

I don’t know why this Mongoose cartoon made me laugh so much, but it did! teeheehee

Friends, your books should soon be on their way. It’s about that time, yes. I will get an exact date, but from what I understand, they will begin to ship next week; I think early next week. If you wanted one with a signed bookplate, be sure that you marked that — if you get one that doesn’t have one, I’ll be happy to send you one if you email me (unless it’s not too late to let BB know you want a signed copy). I tried to make the bookplates as special as I could.

I can’t wait to get mine. I can’t wait to hold one in my hands. I will smell the pages. I will put it on my bookshelf and step back and see how it looks and then take a photo of it. Oh, I hope I am never jaded and blaise about this!

I had the strangest dreams last night. I suppose they are “stress dreams.” Anxiety. Along with all my happiness and excitement, I do have the anxiety — it’s all a big swirley mess in my pea-headed brain. One of my dreams was about this strange place I came upon. It was a community of what I thought were an isolated strange people. But, when I came close to the community, which turned out to be only indoors, never outdoors, I noticed the eyes of the “people” — they were black and spacy. Seems some “mad scientist” type had made these people – grown them – or something – and there were a good many of them. It was creepy. What did he have planned with them, I don’t know because the dream slid into something else (and if I were someone who wrote thrillers or supernatural books, this dream would facilitate a creepy creepy book)…

…the dream morphed into where I was in a house and there was a man who hated us (me and whomever else was with me)….he wanted to harm us….there was an explosion in one of the rooms of the house (and it is said that houses in dreams are representations of our minds?)- we got out in time, but then I walked back into the room where the explosion occurred and there was a HUGE statue that seemed made of dark dark wood and in the arms of this dark dark wood statue was an infant…and then the statue began cracking open some, the arms that held the infant became more human than wood, and the statue opened its arms out to give the child back to us — it had protected the infant from harm and it was the most beautiful thing – so beautiful. I can see the statue so clearly this morning: a broad dark face, with a broad nose, strong features, strong arms, a solid body – female.

Strange strange dreams. I’ve always had vivid dreams, since I was a child – and I even remember some of my childhood dreams (the more terrifying ones). I was plagued with nightmares from childhood until we moved to these mountains….then suddenly, when we moved here, the nightmares pretty much stopped -isn’t that something? Every so often I’ll have a bad dream, but mostly when I’m really stressed or worried or something that facilitates it. The mountain cove has been magical for me – healing. My dreams are still vivid at times, but more gentle to me. So last night must be worry stress dreams!

Thing is, I’m filled with gratitude and happy feelings for my Dream of this novel coming to life in the pages of a book. I know my anxious thoughts are those where I heap expectation on myself to be “successful” – to not let anyone down – to be “perfect” – and no one can be all these things, not really – not in reality. But, I am like that – fall headlong into things with passion and then soon grow bored with them and the passion fades: EXCEPT!…except when it comes to literature, writing, books, and my writing life. That is the one area I have never grown bored with, the one where my passion flares hot and steady and true – my constant.

What about you? What did you dream last night, if you dreamed and remember it. Do you have “stress dreams?”

(PS – Update on TG orders – BB has said the books should start to be shipped out on Monday…so you all should start receiving them soon! Oh! I’m so nervous…..! but excited too!)

Take me home, or curving roads…to the place I belong! Mountain Mama; I am home….

Home. All the snow melted before I arrived and it has warmed up enough to open the door. The breeze blows the chimes and the creek rushes — oh home on my mountain cove at Killian Knob!

Last night, our old fat raccoon came calling to the squirrel feeder. She was early –as very old people who go to cafeterias do. Oh, what am I saying? I am like an old country granny sometimes as I eat my dinner at 4’o’clock–while watching Golden Girls (when they are on).

I have so much to do, but last night I slept the sleep of one who is so exhausted they just drop down, drop far down, drop long way down, drop deep into the far reaches of nothingness of sleep. I know I dreamed at some point, but do not remember them. Far far far down I fell. Deep and heavy. I woke only two or three times. This morning when I woke, I was disoriented….where am I? What? Who? When? How? I rose from my bed, the morning sunshine slipping through the windows – and my legs were actually shaky. I blinked. I put on my robe and shuffled to splash my face with cold water. In the kitchen, I poured cup 1 of Deep Creek Blend. We later took a mountain walk to clear my head. It is still a bit swirly, but better.

I hope to get by to visit you today, but if you do not see me today, you will tomorrow. I thank you thank you for still coming by even though I have not been round your places — please know it is only because of circumstance of the novel and travel and etc…..soon, I will have to work on the second novel draft (oh thank gawd it is partly written already!). What a problem to have though, right? *smiling* — what a problem to have….ah.

Later my friends. Thank you to all you who have pre-ordered Tender Graces – *muwah* — and thank you for all your kind words. and for visiting. and for commenting. For everything you do.
(And later I’ll tell you some good news I have — I’m rushing now. )

Who stopped de raiinnnnn……? Don’t matter; the cove sopped it up like biscuits and gravy

Last night it rained again. But, I’m happy for the rain. See This Post at our YOG (year of gratitude). We needed rain. The creek is filled again. Despite a tossing and turning beginning, when I opened my eyes this morning, it was already daylight: good, I needed the sleep as much as our creek and cove needed the recent rains — and Sun now pours into our little log house at Killian Knob. Oh!

Have you met our Fat Lazy Labrador Jake?

Well, Good Man Roger is painting a series of paintings that just make me laugh or smile, or go “awww!” He calls them: Le Chein Rouge. Have you ever seen “the blue dog” paintings? This is GMR’s version *teehee* … Fat Lazy Lab Jake is unfazed by the attention. As my brother Tommy says, “Jake has about one expression…” and he proceeded to show me those “one expressions” …”Here’s happy; here’s sad; here’s contemplative; here’s ‘I’m hungry’…” (and those expressions are as you see above) while I laughed…it’s true! Unless FLLJ sees someone he thinks is an intruder – oh! Then the sharp white fangs are exposed, the lips drawn back in warning, the low growl: it’s quite terrifying to UPS people and other strangers come round the cove. He is a good watcher of the cove and all his domain.

The Le Chein Rouge are at top of this post- and I am not giving them much justice as I took the photos in a hurry (I am the most impatient person…geez). GMR gave these LSU collars, since these are for someone(s) who loves LSU.

I spoke with the most beautiful person yesterday! She has a soft southern accent. Her voice is filled with energy. She is a sincere and thoughtful person. Someone I would feel comfortable around. Hmm, maybe I should use this as a contest to win a book! Every day I’ll give a hint and see if y’all can guess who I am talking about *laughing* –unless this person has said something on her blog about how she talked to this weird Kat Mountain Woman who cackles when she laughs and says things like “huhn….” and “Lawd!” and “Well, la tee dah!” teeheehee. We talked about books and writing and publishing, etcetera. I have a hard time talking on the phone – it’s weird, but it’s hard for me to follow conversations and I sometimes accidentally interrupt – my brain needs to either write conversations, or I need to look at someone in person to follow the convo properly. Huhn. I hope I made any sense at all….haw!

Now, on to Sunday Breakfast; then, I want to come visit you all. It’s too late to do anything else with Tender Graces manuscript….in spite of the fact that I woke up at 2:00 AM, was it Friday?, night in a panic and emailed Bellebooks and said “Oh no oh no!” and they said, “oh too late too late!” *laughing* So, that’s that. La Tee Dah. Huhn.

UPDATE!: OMG! Just received an email from BB: BelleBooks is the BEST! They did go in and fix that thing I woke up at 2AM worried about – no one would have known what it was, no reader would have known, but it was something I’d wanted to have at the beginning…and they did it! They put that in! Even though they said they couldn’t, and I said, “I understand” because it would be extra work and time and etc – but they DID IT! This is the beauty of the small independent press – they love you and work with you. *BIG GRINNING*

I gots a joy joy joy joy up on Kilian Knob, up on Killian knob to-dayyyy

I’m peeping in quickly! Tommorrow I’ll have a guest blogger: I have one more peek at Tender Graces before it’s out of my hands ….eek! I can’t change any of the text and all that, this is just to make sure the things we caught and listed were fixed. If there is anything else in there, well, consider it Human Error …. thing is, you’ll know me now and you’ll read it and say, “Hey! Here’s one of Kat’s unfound errors! I found one I found one!” then you can email me and we’ll laugh about it….haw! Um, I think we’ll laugh…hmmmm….teehee.
Then, I also have to finish The Rose & Thorn newsletter; get my next book review done, and etcetera.
This morning, I was walking Fat Lazy Labrador Jake in the cove at Killian Knob and as I turned the curve in the road where the creek stays on my right, I passed where the water rushes down from the mountain into the creek and I felt a sudden Joy….as sudden as the wind that came tearing down the ridge and across FLLJ and me – the wind pounded my face and I laughed because it didn’t hurt at all-the wind laughed too – The sounds of the singing creek, the rush of the water runoff from our recent rains, the wind washing over us and blasting through the still-bare trees with a roar, the spring birds that had earlier woke me (oh, I recognize the ones who have been gone and now returned!) — all of this brought up my sudden joy.

I thought, as I rounded that curve, how lucky I am. Farther down, I glimpsed the distant Smokies – awe awe awe awe awe-some Grandfather and Grandmother mountains. There are ancient souls here – I feel them sometimes; I see them in orbs and once the Shadowman came to visit me; I am not afraid of them, in fact, they comfort me. (Which reminds me – while I was sitting by Frank in the hospital, I saw something pass over him – it was misty and had no shape, but it was SOMEthing -i t passed right over him….and then a few days later while Tommy was lying in the emergency room, I saw an orb race across the room and arc over him and then away—imagination? lights playing tricks? my exhaustion? our brother? our granny? someone else? I don’t know, but I know I saw something).

So, I am feeling lucky and awed and wonderful and it struck me that No Matter what happens with Tender Graces, I am still loved and wanted and so very lucky to live where I live. If you took away my writing life (oh, I can’t imagine that – but let’s entertain it)…if Tender Graces weren’t being published, if I’d never published anything, if I was “just” this Mountain Woman living in my little cove at Killian Knob, walking Fat Lazy Lab Jake, being loved and spoilt rotten by Good Man Roger, hearing and seeing all the things I do, well then, my good friends, that is a pretty dagum wonderful life, isn’t it? That is the Dream Life I once dreamed about when my life was in disorder and pain. I am blessed? lucky? whatever you want to call it, this is a wonderful life I live.

I smile. I enjoy. I appreciate. What a lovely place. I give you my peace and serenity this morning. Yes, I must get to work, but I start my work with a feeling of joy – for how lucky am I? Not only do I have my little log house and my little life here at Killian Knob, but my novel IS being published, and I do have some little things out there published, and people ARE enjoying my work and my fur is being rubbed off so that I feel loved.
Namaste. *muwah!*

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