(Oh, I meant to write a nice letter, but then just as I entered "Dear…" I was rendered brain-addled and thus could not remember what I was to write and to whom I was to write it to and thus lost all trains of all thoughts…alas…I must write another letter to Mr. Commercial because it is His fault my brain was swiped clean).
Dear Kia of (insert town/city here):
Stop it. Just please stop it. I can’t take it anymore. There I am, minding my own business in my own little world of Television; perhaps I am watching a beautiful nature show, or maybe even an empty-headed Sit-Com, or the news, or weather, or even another commercial!, and there YOU come, loud and insistent (oh, the understatement of that). Oh, but it’s more than Loud and Insistent—it is ear-splitting and annoying and aggravating and my synapses startle into over-drive and begin jumping around erratically in a wild jig of upset. Just stop it. Just, well, Just Shut The Eff Up!
I can’t reach the remote fast enough when I hear, “KIA OF TOWN KIA OF TOWN KIA OF TOWN…..SHOUT SHOUT SHOUT SHOUT SCREAM SCREAM EARTH SHATTERING QUAKE STARTING EAR SPLITTING SONIC BOOM CLATTERING BIG OLE LOUD ARSE KIA OF TOWN!” I am rendered helpless on my couch, head snapped back, blood dripping from my ears, my face frozen in a mask of shock, the hairs on my body sliced off, my toes curled inward and my fingers curved backward.
Shut up. Just stop it. Please. For god’s sake, please, just lower your voice a few decibels. Just bring it down a level or ten. Your screaming does not inspire me to go right out, to jump right off my couch, to hit the highway, to zippity do dah day to your Car Lot From Hell and buy a KIA OF WHATEVER POOR CITY KIA LOTS ROAM.
What about a little simple, “Zoom Zoom Zoom?;” while annoyingly wannabe blasé, it is at least (relatively) quiet. But, please, do not take your example from the German Volkswagon commercials that leave me thinking “Huh? What the hell is that all about?,” or the ones where people drive around with smug-I’m-better-than-you-because-I-have-this-car-and-you-don’t-and-you-can-get-this-look-on-your-face-too-if-YOU-buy-this-car looks on their smug faces.
I remain yours truly near-catatonic from the shockwaves of your Noise Noise Noise,
Green Tip of the day: Huh, interesting if you can figure all this out and have time and all that jazz– Carbon dioxide emissions calculator
Health Tip of the day: A yogurt a day really is good for you. Some have loads of sugar, but better than none at all. I take a container of Yoplait and mix half of it with plain yogurt (I like the Greek yogurt!) and that cuts back on sugars some. For breakfast most days I have yogurt mixed with fruit and nuts. See this article from WebMD.
Writer’s/Editors Tip of the day: — When you write, do not try to force in words/phrases and taglines to "make your writing sound better" — just write, just be natural, just use said and asked, just be Yourself except in the form and voice of the character – don’t, in other words, write what you think the editor wants to see, or how you think writing is "supposed to sound/read" – don’t shoehorn in words and phrases. It shows, believe me, it does. Let yourself be who you are, let the writing come from the You who is You. I don’t know how else to explain it without giving concrete examples, and perhaps another day I will do that.