Sometimes I stand or sit or lie and stare off into space. I’ll think, "wait…wait…" and there is a feeling of surreal amazement.
When I hold my words in my hands and feel the weight of them, it will all take on Real instead of Surreal.
Sometimes I could just cry. But I’m a toughie. Still, sometimes I have the burning behind my eyes.
I wonder if the first book is like the first kiss, or the first love, or the first roller coaster ride, or the first bite of something delicious you’ve never had in your life…if none others will be like the first, or like good love, good rides, good food, good friends, things become familiar but in a good way and even in the familiar there is always the new and unexpected.
My brother, Mike, sent me an email and it made me smile. He said this:
it’s Christmas Eve Eve Eve Eve !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I remember you saying that one Christmas your eyes were all wide open and you spoke in hushed solemn tones
Now it’s Christmas Eve Eve.
The wind is howling across and over the ridgetops.
Then, my other brother, Johnny, sent me proverbs of all kinds – saying "I know you don’t believe in some things anymore – but I believe for you…"
And then, finally, my youngest brother Tommy send me a photo that broke my heart in a million gazillion pieces – and for that, I did cry. It is of him and of my beloved David – and David is so innocently smiling, unaware of his short time on our Earth. But, he is smiling at me right now, I can feel it. Feel him sitting on the moon, and when he blows us, his family, a kiss, it creates the brightest stars of all time. I could hardly bear to look on the photo, yet I want to look at it. David ….I see you…I feel you. Are you proud of your big sister? *smiling*
My eyes are all wide open and I’m speaking in hushed tones….