Just a Randon Thought, or two

23 Dec
Sometimes I stand or sit or lie and stare off into space. I’ll think, "wait…wait…" and there is a feeling of surreal amazement.
When I hold my words in my hands and feel the weight of them, it will all take on Real instead of Surreal.
Sometimes I could just cry. But I’m a toughie. Still, sometimes I have the burning behind my eyes.
I wonder if the first book is like the first kiss, or the first love, or the first roller coaster ride, or the first bite of something delicious you’ve never had in your life…if none others will be like the first, or like good love, good rides, good food, good friends, things become familiar but in a good way and even in the familiar there is always the new and unexpected.
My brother, Mike, sent me an email and it made me smile. He said this:

it’s Christmas Eve Eve Eve Eve !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!    I remember you saying that one Christmas your eyes were all wide open and you spoke in hushed solemn tones
Now it’s Christmas Eve Eve.
The wind is howling across and over the ridgetops.
Then, my other brother, Johnny, sent me proverbs of all kinds – saying "I know you don’t believe in some things anymore – but I believe for you…"
And then, finally, my youngest brother Tommy send me a photo that broke my heart in a million gazillion pieces – and for that, I did cry. It is of him and of my beloved David – and David is so innocently smiling, unaware of his short time on our Earth. But, he is smiling at me right now, I can feel it. Feel him sitting on the moon, and when he blows us, his family, a kiss, it creates the brightest stars of all time. I could hardly bear to look on the photo, yet I want to look at it. David ….I see you…I feel you. Are you proud of your big sister? *smiling*
My eyes are all wide open and I’m speaking in hushed tones….


6 Responses to “Just a Randon Thought, or two”

  1. Ann December 23, 2008 at 1:28 pm #

    A few years ago I was doing something special and I began to appreciate all the "firsts" associated with it. So, I recommend you do the same with your first book published. There will be many firsts involved with it. Appreciate them all. Best,Nan

  2. Gumbo December 23, 2008 at 8:38 pm #

    David\’s looking down, brothers and others who love you are looking on…watching little Kat finally get to dance in the spotlight she\’s waited for. The audience is hushed and ready, full of anticipation…take a deep breath and know they (we) are there in the darkness…waiting to bring the house down with applause. :)

  3. Diane December 23, 2008 at 11:37 pm #

    Kat, these two "youngins" caught my eye and snatched my heart. You too, self-described toughie. Our light shines forever – here and everywhere. David will always be with you. And your newest creation, born from your own life experiences, will now always be with us. We can\’t wait to read your book!

  4. caroline December 26, 2008 at 1:17 pm #

    God Bless you. Merry Christmas.At this time of year, I too, have tears for lost loved ones. Not lost, but gone. The pictures of young ones are the sweetest and best.Have a wonderful New Year.Caroline

  5. P December 26, 2008 at 2:39 pm #

    mmm. what a sweet picture and what a sweet moment.an interesting thing about these old photos. i remember staring intently at a wedding picture of my aunt and uncle bill. they were so happy and innocent of what would come later — uncle bill\’s ALS. i kept examining the picture wondering if there was some kind of clue. but i guess the beauty of moments (as photos capture them) is the purity of them. "nowness" of course. hmm.

  6. Cynical December 26, 2008 at 4:40 pm #

    I think I do know what you mean about Real and Serreal or alternate realities. Memories are just as real to the perceiver as "real life." Sometimes moreso. I supppose that\’s why my last post was about the lesser known form of Christmas tree. I wonder if anyone other than me would get the rush out of clicking the final asterisk that I\’ve been putting some posts recently? That particular one let me shed 40 years and be sitting in the staging lane again. Happy Boxing Day.Peace, Doc

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