One Night Not So Very Long Ago, A Woman Once Thought:
I lay my head upon my pillow, and thought, “Enough!” And I forced myself to think of other things, things other than novels and short stories and editors and publishers. So, I thought of sunflowers first – big-headed, bright yellow with their deeply brownish black centers, faces bending from the weight of those great heads upon their long stalks. I once saw a field of them, in Kansas, breaking up the acres and acres of corn, and in that field those sunflowers’ heads bent, each one facing the same direction–save for one I noticed, whose great round bright and dark head was facing the opposite way, and I thought, “that is me. I am that sunflower,” and wondered at the metaphor, the imagery, the analogy for myself I had chosen by relating to that one sunflower who was turned away from the rest, without any other sign of difference, without show of wear or tear, looking quite the same as the others, save for that turned away countenance. Dreams were then dreamed….the night flew by…rushing with images and thoughts and surreal imaginings of my synapses…
and then, awakening, I saw
…in the distant Smoky Mountains, with Mt Pisgah rising up, Cold Mountain not quite visible, and in the valley and above the valley, the serenity swirl of ethereal mists, and as the sun shines within, the mists are as a glowing ghostly lake, a white lake, and I imagine great sea monsters of ancient-old rising their hoary heads from the mist-lake, and great strange and beautiful fish jumping up and over and through, and mermaids and mermen peeking at me before they hurl themselves back into the deep, and whales with opening blowholes forcing air and misty clouds out and up and with a flip of their awesome tails; they too disappear into the white-glow lake. And I imagine I stand upon the ridge, looking into the mists, and I curl my toes, wondering if I should jump in, jump jump into the surreal-silver-white lake, jump and swim with the ancient-old sea monsters, whales, fish, mermaid, mermen, but I know I am not destined for that, but instead, to step back, and back, and write it for you, write it all down for you so that you can see it feel it touch it wish it real and it becomes real for I will make it real for you as best I can.
(images from google images http://cache.daylife.com/imageserve/02rIajQ9jJerO/610x.jpg)