Me trudge trudges to coffee pot; hair askew, face dragging the ground.
Chipper Dipper GMR is between coffee and Me.
Me: “Urghhhherrrghhhhhh . . .” *Imagine Frankenstein asking for coffee*
Me: “Ugrreehhrhhrhrhrgrhhhhhgrrrr . . .” points to coffee cup. *translation: Me want coffee now, move outta way. Me want coffee NOW!”
GMR: “Well, Good Morning to you, too!” (said a bit snippity high horse if Me asks me). Pours Me a cup and hands it over.
Me: “Ugrhh . . .” then, “I couldn’t sleep . . . I’m discombobulated. Coffee. Need.”
GMR: Said uber concerninglingly and innocentinglyly: “Did your back pain keep you up, hmmmmmmmm?”
Me: Gives him That Look. “Um, noooo. Your noises kept me up.” *AGAIN is implied here*
GMR: “Noises? I made noises?”
Me: My inside voice: *OMG! How many times do we have to go through this? How many times I have to tell him?* “Yes, your noises.”
GMR: “Me or the (cpap) machine?”
Me: *how . . . many . . . times . . . must . . . we . . . go . . . et cetera . . . * “Both! I was awakened about fifty-galleven million times …ughrhhhgrrrr.” (Just want coffee).
GMR: “I made noise?”
Me: Gives That Look again. “I can’t remember when I’ve had a full good night’s sleep. I mean . . . it’s like this:” *Me mimics the sound of gale force wind gusting through a narrow lead pipe.*
GMR: Says nothing. But his inside voice is saying, *Boy is she cranky! Oh well, doop doop, beep beep blorp blick flickering inner television screen….. She’ll get over it. Do do do do do la la la..images from Law & Order, Food Network, Jeopardy … blip blorp… ….Well, I’ll just be the best ole husband I can be the rest of the day and she’ll forget about all this can’t sleep because of some noise that’s probably nothing at all and she’s making a big deal of out of what’s nothing at all business. *** white noise white noise white noise white noise****
Me: Takes coffee and sludgers away to her laptop. *I swear! I can’t sleep! I’m sooooo tired! I’m soooo sick of whooooosh whoooooosh WOOOO WOWOO WOOOOOwhooooshhh, and another thing, while I’m at it . . . hey, SHINY THING SHINY THING SHIINNNNNYYY THINNNNNGGGG IS DISTRACTING ME — and . . . that . . .who what where when how why . . . did I do those edits? Hey, here’s some email, oh wait, there’s a facebook message, oh, twitter . . . ***music music earworm music ….* and boy he makes me mad when . . . where did I put my . . . I’m hungry** *
GMR: GMR has his cup and goes to his computer. **white noise white noise white noise white noise white noise . . . online crossword puzzle white noise puzzle white noise**
How it Could Go, and Perhaps A Version of How It Has Gone:
Me: “Good Morning! That coffee sure smells good!”
GMR: “Well, here’s a nice fresh cup!”
Me: “Thank you! *sip* hmmm doggies! That’s some good coffee!” Big Fat Morning Smile.
GMR: “Uh huh.” Fiddle dee dee with his cream and sugar.
Me: *takes a sip of good ole coffee* “Hey, by the waysies, GMR ole buddy, ole pal: I had a hard time sleeping last night. Maybe it’s time to have that ole zippity do dah day cpap machine fixed, or something, tootle lee doo? Might be a good idea to look into it!” *Big Arse Happy Go Lucky Ain’t Life Grand Smile*
GMR: “Huhn . . .uh huh. Maybe so. I’ll look into it. Yessirree indeedy do!” GMR’s inside voice says, *I don’t want to deal with that; so I’ll just be the best ole husband I can be the rest of the day and she’ll just forget about all this can’t sleep stuff, fix the whatever ***Flickering TV Screen, crossword puzzle, blip blorp . . . White noise white noise white noise white noise*** . . .
Me: Walks away with coffee. Inside voice: *I am SOOOOO tired. Unghhhh. I’m so . . .. SHINY THING SHINY THING . . . *