Sometimes I just feel like kicking ass. When I was a personal trainer, some of my clients called me MB (Mean Bitch). But, my clients loved me because though I could be tough, I was also fair and empathetic and understanding—while kicking their ass. When I edit, I am the same way—fair and empathetic and understanding, while kicking ass. The result, the outcome, of the ass-kicking over-rides the actual ass-kicking every time. Yeah.
1. One or the other is often true for many relationships: The love you give isn’t always returned with equal measure. The love you receive is not always the love you return. Love isn’t always a balanced world. Once we let go of the idea of complete balance in a relationship, there’s freedom and happiness to be found.
2. You can put your entire heart, blood, sweat, tears into your work and still are rejected. Sometimes it really is not “the other guys,” sometimes it really is all about how your work is not ready.
3. You read the above and it makes you mad. You say, “I’ll show her! I’ll show them all!” and sometimes you do! Yes! And sometimes it still is that the work is not ready. And sometimes, it is only that you just have not found the right person/place/thing. Such is the sucky part of the writing business (or whatever business). Welcome aboard the crazy train! If you want it bad enough, you’ll figure out what you need to do or to change or start over.
4. If you aren’t having sex with your partner as often as you used to, maybe it’s time to *gasp* find out why by asking. Maybe it has nothing to do with “I like sex better because . . .” or “I have a higher sex drive because . . .” maybe it’s something worth digging out and examining. Are you groaning “Noooo! Not the talk thing!”? Well, then, keeping enjoying those really awesome showers!
5. You can call yourself a Writer anytime you want to! Who’s the “you aren’t qualified to do that” police? No one’s going to come to your house and stand over your shoulder to see if you “deserve” some title. And it’s just a title. If you never actually, seriously, write, what’s the point? Can’t throw a dime without hitting a writer these days, so why not be one who writes with passion and with purpose? Own it, y’all!
6. No, you can’t lose weight/get in shape with that pill they just touted on that television commercial. You stand up from the couch. You decide not to eat another helping even when you’ve had enough, just because it tastes good. You make choices, one at a time, that move you towards your goal. You move your ass and you step away from the table. You can forgive yourself when you are off-track, but you don’t give yourself permission to whine about how it’s just soooo haarrd—of course it’s hard! And it may suck, but how come so many of us have become allergic to hard work/determination/movement? Humans thrive on discovery and movement and delight and wonder–sitting on our couches with a tater-chip bag watching everyone else do these things, well, what kinda life is that?
7. There really is no magic in life and work. There is hard work and determination. Do people sometimes seem to have magic around them where things come to them as if on a sparkly wand of good timing and good luck and good genes? Yeah, but either they really are an anomaly, or maybe just maybe we don’t know their backstory of hard work and determination.
8. We spend a lot of time reading advice on social networking because we are either looking for guidance, or we are looking for someone with a shared experience who “made it” and that may mean we can make it too, or we are looking for an excuse for why things haven’t worked out for us because lookee there someone else had the same thing happen to them so all is lost, or we keep hoping we’ll hear what we want to, or we sincerely want to be the best goddammed writer/person/mother/father/chef/accountant/whatever-whomever we can be. So take the advice that sings to you in harmony and discard the advice that is discordant to your life—you’ll need to figure out if you are avoiding truths or embracing reality.
9. The easiest thing to do is to ignore the hard thing. It’ll keep coming back to haunt you until you deal with it. And sometimes it sucks mightily to deal with it. But sometimes that ghost when faced by strong determined you turns out to be a puny little bastard after all.
10. Excuses are weak. Failures at least mean you tried. Excuses just sound whiny. Failure is often a misunderstood word. Failure often means you went for it and it just didn’t work out. Respect the trying. Each failure means you are living and doing and working and trying. Excuses are boring—no one wants to hear it. Failure is interesting; it brings about conversation—what did you do? And what happened? Wow, yeah, that’s happened to me! How can we change that? Okay . . . let’s try this instead.
Now, if I pissed you off—good! Go prove me wrong and kick some ass. If I made you go YEAH I’m with you! Good, keep kicking ass! Today is another day. Make it count. Get up. Get out. Get over it. Get busy. Get real. I really do want to see you happy and successful—whatever those words mean to you in the life you choose and want to live.
I *heart* YOU! *muwah*