Beautiful Floaty Helium-Voices Saturn & 5 (Obvious? You’d think but….) Dating Do’s & Don’t’s

Saturn was always my favorite planet because it is so gorgeous. When I finally did turn my attention saturnto other planets, I recognized their beauty, and as well, how interesting they are, too. Still, Saturn is mesmerizingly beautiful. Yet, up close hovering in the lil log spaceship, the rings aren’t as lovely but instead feel cold and a little deadly—chunks of ice and rock, some small as little specks of sand and some bigger than a building. I need to back up a little, out of the thick of things and determine what direction to take so I’m not smashed to smithereens.

Hey, if I spin it right, that’s a great metaphor for dating!

Saturn is mostly made up of gas, especially hydrogen and helium; helium, like the kind you put in birthday balloons. I wonder if we took a breath on Saturn (pretending we’d survive it), if the helium would make our voice all squeaky! Let’s hop in the lil log spaceship and go find out! Is that a date? Sure! Okay! Wow, what will I wear? It’s pretty danged cold, like minus 276F—better wear my coat.

Because of those gasses, Saturn could float in water!

Saturn’s year is like 29 Earth years; Saturn’s day is 10 hours, 14 minutes. Born on this day, 1970, you’d be less than two years old and your next birthday wouldn’t be until July 15, 2029. If you weighed 118 on Earth, you’d be 125.5 on Saturn.

Saturn’s nickname given by the ancient Assyrians is “Lubadsagush—meaning, “oldest of the old.” Some days I feel rather lubadsagush, and others I feel rather kickass sexilicious. Ha!

The planet Saturn has 150 moons and little moonlets. 150! Dang! If I were dating, which I am not, I’d say that sounds like a fun date: helium voices while on a floating beautiful planet (if we pretend it’s floating in a milky-way sea) with 150 moons to stare up at.

Today is the second post in my dating and relationship series. And, as promised, I’m delving into some Dating Do’s and Don’t’s. All of these are anonymous, of course! Let’s just start today with Five “These Should Be Obvious” Dating Do’s & Don’t’s, shall we?

I changed the information somewhat to protect privacy. Do’s/Don’t’s  are not gender specific, and not specific to hetero, though my few examples are “he/she.”

(I’m not referring here to “Hanging Out,”—a whole other thang, but actual Dating.)

  1. Do show up showered and dressed appropriately, and on time.

Oh, the stories I have heard about dates showing up nasty and late. Do I really need to say that’s a No-No? A Red Flag? You’d think not! But it happens more than you would imagine.

052

Hey, s’up?

A friend once recounted her experience of having her date show up an hour late, straight from working out in the yard, beer in hand (see below!), scratching his crotch, and saying, “Did you cook somethin’? Cause I don’t feel like goin’ to the restaurant after all *burrrrrp*.” She asked him to leave. They didn’t have a second date.

When a man met his date for coffee, him smelling all nice and all, she showed up sweaty and stinky from her run—this apparently happens a lot to people, this “sweaty gym date thing;” I even saw an episode of The Big Bang Theory about “Gym Sweaty” date behavior! Huh. Well. No second date here, either.

So, by “appropriately,” that means show you care! Take a little time to dress, and show up on time and if you are going to be late, call or text, people! R _ E_S_P_E_C_T!

If you ask someone out, maybe give them a head’s up if it’s extremely casual or very dressy. If you are the one asked out and you aren’t sure how to dress, it doesn’t hurt to ask if it’s casual or not-casual.

Long long ago, I once arrived with my date at what turned out to be a formal event. Oh the beautiful gowns and tuxes! And me in my casual pants and top, while nice enough, were completely inappropriate. Ungh! My dates earlier words of, “Just throw something on,” didn’t help *laughing.*

  1. Watch the booze, y’all.

Sure, the nerves may need a little priming, you may think. Why, just a little bit o’ the booze will calm the nerves, right? Welp, maybe a beer or glass of wine before the date never hurt anyone, but more awkward, and scary, moments are created by alcohol than not. While I would never go as far as to say “Do not drink,” I will say that keeping those drinks to no more than two for that first date will never do you wrong.
Oh, you and I both know what sometimes can happen, don’t you?  Of course we do! By the third drink—the first two went so fast! Where did they go so fast?—you’re heading to that giddy nice glowy stage where you think you are SO clever! (And I’ll interject here: if your date can slam them down and not show any sign of intoxication: Red Flag. There are always exceptions, but, yeah, I stand by it: Red Flag).

Passing out, puking, cursing out someone, becoming angry, grab-assing, stumbling about, etc etc etc—all of these are of course Red Flags and yes I have heard these stories, including how a friend had to carry his date to his car, carry his date to her door, and when no one was home and he couldn’t find a key, carry her back to his car, carry her to his apartment, where he deposited her on his bed (he slept on the couch). Next very late morning when he was finally able to rouse her, she was pissed off and ornery and on the way home she asked if he’d mind stopping at the store—he did, and she came out with a six pack, one of which she opened and said, “Fucking hair of the dog, man.” *laughing* oh dear.

I don’t care what excuse they give. Want to give them another chance? Maybe it was just that once? I stand by my: Red Flag!

If your date is obviously loaded, please do not leave with them—call a cab, a friend, or if you have your car call your date a cab, and then leave. It’s about respect, but it’s about safety, too. And about them becoming a big pain in your ass.

If you had too much to drink, then for gawd’s sake do apologize! Even if it’s the next day when you wake up in a blurry haze and go, “Oh shit!”

Perhaps many of us have had a little too much to drink when we were nervous, so before that date even happens, just take some deep breaths, and imagine yourself doing something really embarrassingly stupid where you say Oh Shit—then drink responsibly.

  1. Do pay for something—or at least sincerely offer to.
I'll have a salad: NOT!

I’ll have a salad: NOT!

Notice I wrote “sincerely offer to”—the disingenuous offer is annoying. If you don’t want to pay for any part of it or feel you should not have to or the situation just does not call for it, then just don’t offer while expecting them to decline!

“Bad” date story a friend long long ago told me (and I ain’t sayin’ if this was a man or woman): The date not only ordered the most expensive items on the menu, they also had drinks, plus dessert. Ah but they weren’t done, my friends. To boot, the date also ordered a complete, and expensive, “To Go” meal “for later,” and they didn’t offer to pay for any of it.  Haw! I’m laughing as I write that. But yeah. Don’t do that.

If the date pays for dinner, why not pay for dessert? If the date pays for the movie, why not pay for some treats? If your date does not drink and you do drink, maybe you want to pay for your drinks. Perhaps it is my independent streak, but it feels weird to me to have someone pay for everything. Offering to pay for something, even if small, is a nice gesture, and doesn’t leave all the control to one person (okay, that empowered control is probably my issue!). And I don’t care how much money they make compared to how much you make. That’s not the point, at least in my thinking. Actually, I never know what a person’s income is—it’s never been a determining factor of my dating/relationship life.

If your date seems insulted by this offering to pay for something gesture, or awkward about it, let it go. Actually, if your date is actually “insulted” maybe that’s a Red Flag. If they are that touchy, then what else is hiding under that skin? Hmmmmmmm.

  1. Don’t desperately slobber and drool and manhandle. Yeah. (Sex is also something I’ll get more into later.)

Date Disaster: Date arrives nicely dressed, smells nice, all smiles, says, “You ready?” Why yes, of course, she says. He opens the door for her. Why thank you! How gallant! As he drives, he chats

These are snottites that you find in caves - or inside someone's mouth if they can't kiss - ewwww

These are snottites that you find in caves – or inside someone’s mouth if they can’t kiss – ewwww

about this and that, but suddenly however, they are in a neighborhood, pulling into a driveway. He gets out, opens her door, and she exits (oh oh – no no – don’t go in there!), thinking, “Ummmm . . . ?” Folks, if you are going “Ummmm . . . ?” Pay Attention to that! But she thought, “Maybe he forgot something or . . . ?” Ha! No, when they were barely inside, he sticks his tongue down her throat and swabs the contents of her tummy and starts pulling at her clothes, and says, “How about a little appetizer before dinner?” OMGawd! I’m laughing again. No, this is not funny, but I’m still laughing—only because I know everything turned out okay and the woman was safe, grossed out, but safe.

Yeah. Don’t do that. And don’t feel embarrassed to say No Effing Way! And especially do not feel pressured about ANYTHING! Who is in charge here? You are!

Or like the woman who was all over her date in the parking lot of a family restaurant. Parents were grabbing kids and running *laugh* Do.Not.Do.That.

Please don’t stick your tongue so far down his/her throat you scoop up some dessert (ewwww!). Kissing should have a little finesse. It should be an exploration (but not of one’s stomach contents – lawd!).  If it’s the first date, go a little easy there, ‘kay? Red Flag is if someone is super handsy while their tongue is exploring your bowels (ewwww).

Look, if you’ve not dated in a while, or been out of a relationship for a while, the loneliness is an issue, oh how I know that! But beyond that, having no sex is an issue. All systems are on HIGH ipod pics 014ALERT; your nerve endings are on fire; your body is revved and R.E.A.D.Y. But if you’re all over the man/woman before you figure out what kind of person they are, you aren’t respecting yourself and could potentially be setting yourself up for something you’ll Regret—who wants to wake up the next morning thinking “Oh shit.”  Ha! Nope. You can’t tell enough about a person on a first or second date to determine if they are cray cray. I don’t care how much you are thinking, “Sex. Sex. Sex. Sex. Sex. Sex. Sex. Sex. Sex. Please god now, SEX!” Rushing someone, or rushing into it yourself, could lead you to Something Oh Shit, or Something GOOD—waiting a bit will help you to know which one. Even if it makes you tear out your hair in frustration, laugh!

  1. Do talk about SOMEthing, but not constantly about ex’s please.

If someone can’t stop talking about their ex to the exclusion of everything else, then likely they aren’t over that person. Likely, they are still working through “issues” with that person. Likely, they still have a world of feelings about that person—whether it is love, or rage, or hurt, or the more insidious, hope—and you don’t need to be embroiled in their Continuing Saga of As the World Squirms. They are likely dating Too Soon. Not your problem to figure out. Red Flag. If you are the one doing all the talking about your ex, then maybe you need to give yourself a little more time. Been there; done that!

Of course, ex’s come up; they’re a part of our experiences, but yammering on about an ex during the entire date is a Red Flag. Surely there are other things to talk about? Surely there are other interests besides how that ex is a fucking asshole/bitch who deserves to DIE DIE DIE! (Red Flag: if your date is talking like that, exit stage left-good lawd!), but as well, Red Flags are: your date starts to cry (oh oh, dang), your date is still heavily involved with the ex (maybe there are children, and this is completely understandable, as it should be, that they would still be involved, but, if you are listening and listening and listening, and thinking, “Hmmmmm,” then Hear that “hmmmmm,” ‘kay? And, if there are children involved, don’t pretend you are okay with this if you are not—more on that and other “accommodating behavior” later).

Dating should be about exploration and discovery and enjoying each other’s company. It should be images (4)for finding out if you are compatible as dating partners. It should feel safe; it should feel respectful; it should feel GOOD! It should not be about “finding your soul mate” – please stop with the Soul Mate stuff already (more on that later). It should not be about grabbing onto this person you barely know and thinking about “your life together as a couple.” If you want to find a “relationship,” fine, but expecting the other person to go along on your ride to Forever-tude probably is unreasonable, particularly on the first few dates—lawd, let’s take a breath!

I’ll explore more of this next post.

Still time to comment/like here or on Facebook for the “Kat’s Choice” drawing, which will be soon.

The Lightning Charmer coverAnd my novel The Lightning Charmer  is on sale August 16 – 31, for $1.99, e-books only! It’s for all e-books, not just Amazon, though the link above takes you to Amazon. There’s actually some delicious, or disastrous, dating in there, too.

A haunted man shadows the Smoky Mountain forest. A lonely woman returns to what she left behind. A legacy unfulfilled calls out to them both. .

The sky darkens, the lightning seeks . . .  

The Lightning Charmer is full of whimsy, enchantment, ancient secrets, and dark earthy seduction.  Magendie taps into those primal secret places we all harbor, with a powerful story of learning where one fits in a world that may not fit us.  Braided with color, humor, and loyalty to family, this is storytelling at its best!  Sharla Lovelace, Bestselling and Award Winning author of THE REASON IS YOU

Later, y’all! Time to jump in the lil log spaceship and head off to my next adventure. Um. All alone. Dang.

Kat’s “Tutorial” – (ha! Tool-torial – ungh).

allen wrench, pliers, crescent wrench – do you know what those are?

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Morning Coffee . . . how we create – how we write – how we don’t self edit our work because that’s the death of it

10364033_10152476299144176_4680787522175960798_a1011253_10203243524002060_658622034422461467_nLawd, y’all — I am behind in my posts, but insomnia has ponked me upside my peahead most undeliciously . . . so, again for now, until I can gets me shits together, I will post here the last Tuesday’s and today’s video from our Morning Coffee series. We’re moving into more “themes” here instead of random chaos, but for me it’s always about chaos – haw haw!

 

Hope you’ll join in live on Tuesday mornings at 10 ET, but you can catch us on YouTube – muwah!

Today’s ‘show’ – creating from random words – how we create – how we write – how we don’t self edit our work because that’s the death of it – and Papito joins me in my closet.

 

Last Tuesday’s “show:” where I was completely low-key – I was! believe it or not – my insomnia gripping me harder that night and thus that morning the shadow of it was all over my personality – I was actually subdued! Dang! We chatted about writing/creating about Place – Home- Geography.

 

Y’all join in now, ya hear! :D

 

 

When you said “never will I leave this place/ideal/way of life” . . . and then you do

I’m sitting in a closet right now typing this. Yeah, a closet. Because it feels quiet and contained and intimate. I will need this closet, I now know, very often, as I write my books, as I edit mine and other authors’ books, and maybe just when I need to hide myself in work and thought.

002For ten years I lived in the cove at Killian Knob in Maggie Valley, North Carolina. Right smack in the Smokies. One of the most beautiful places in the world. And, with some of the oldest, most ancient, mountains in the world — once as tall as those younger ones in the west but worn down by time’s winds and rains. It was quiet there, serene, and I could go weeks without seeing a soul. I was an aging Rapunzel in her tower, locked away, both ignoring and curious of the world outside of my cocoon but somehow unable to escape my self-imposed captivity. But that way of life served me well: I wrote five books and a novella, and many short stories, and many personal essays, and some really bad poetry, and took photograph after photograph of nature.

deep creek hike 044Yet, as the years went on, a restlessness was rising up, pushing against my chest, churning in my gut, filling my brain with wants and desires and needs. It was only when the pressure exploded and imploded and all kinds of plodedes that I knew I had to take action.

arlington-tx-solar-panel-installerBut in all my imaginings, I never imagined I’d be moving to Arlington, Texas. I have family here, yes. And they need me (and I them). But still. The flatlands? The people? The noise? The lights and sounds and crowds – oh dear.

10274015_10152437219614176_2351572946895967498_nConsider this: Arlington has about 400,000 people. Maggie Valley has about between 1000 and 1100 full time residents. The biggest city closest to Arlington, Dallas, has about 1.3 million, while the biggest city closest to Maggie Valley, Asheville, has about between 85,000 and 90,000 people.  Oh.Dear.Lawd.

Snake_strike_coiled_HIBut remember my post(s) below about “Never Say Never?” How it bites you on your ass? Yeah.

So here I sit in my closet — which is really my kind and supportive brother’s closet, which is on loan to me as his “resident guest” until I am on my feet and find my own place. What I took from my mountain log house easily fits into two rooms–or one and a half rooms. That includes boxes I stored  for when I do find a place of my own. I left much behind–big pieces of my heart for one, and a husband I separated from for another, and the two do not entwine.

10262044_10152427873924176_3093475397210212123_nWhen someone we love dies, a piece of our heart is carved away that leaves a hole that will never ever be filled by anyone or anything–we can try to fill it with sex or drugs or rock and roll or things or alcohol or time or distance or pets or other people or other family or — etc — but it will never ever be filled; sorry to tell you this if you are trying to fill it, because it will not. It will remain a hole for the rest of the days you walk upon the earth. And really, that’s okay, for our loved ones deserve an unfilled space that is all theirs. Place can do this, too. Place can leave a hole in your heart that won’t be filled by all those things. And this is how I feel about my cove at Killian Knob. There is a hole in my heart that will never be filled.

rainbows and lollipops and la la la tee dah

I will find happiness here. I will find Home. I will be with family who needs my help. I will meet friends. I will meet men who I will date. I will settle in with all these thousands and thousands of people here. But that hole will echo with the beauty and serenity and loneliness and isolation and ancient callings and my pet crow and my other critters and my chimes in the mountain winds and my walks in the deep woods and my creek singing and . . . all of it. That echo will follow me all the livings of my days until my livings are no longer. And as sad as that may feel, I’m glad that hole will be there, that it will never be filled.

So, here I am in my closet, while outside my world has changed and it is as if someone stepped upon an ant bed and there all these ants go scurrying hither and thither and beyond while I stand aside with my mouth gaped open.

 

A new life. A new journey. Endings. Beginnings. Never say never.

——————————————————————————————————————————————

1461250_496657083765127_1387255473_nNow, for a bit of business while I’m thinking of it: thank you to readers and friends for sending The Lightning Charmer to several Number 1 spots on the best seller list at Amazon, including No 1 in Women’s Fiction (and No 1 in fantasy and fairy tale or something like that I can’t remember, and another one I can’t recall, and number 4 on another one – I should remember these things but I do not). As well, it went to No. 30 in the overall Top 100 best-sellers. I missed all this excitement as I was on the road moving. Appreciate you all.

!cid_ii_hvb68sfn0_1460b2a0d019105b

 

The Lightning Charmer on $1.99 “sale” this weekend . . . .

The Lightning Charmer coverYou all know I always like to pass on savings to readers, so, here you go: The Lightning Charmer will be $1.99 tomorrow, Saturday the 8th, and Sunday the 9th.

My publishers are doing this promo, and it won’t be this price again for a long time (if ever) so now is the time to grab T.L.C. and ride the lightning with Laura and Ayron.

Blurby stuff:

A haunted man shadows the Smoky Mountain forest. A lonely woman returns to what she left behind. A legacy unfulfilled calls out to them both. .

The sky darkens, the lightning seeks . . .  

The Lightning Charmer is full of whimsy, enchantment, ancient secrets, and dark earthy seduction.  Magendie taps into those primal secret places we all harbor, with a powerful story of learning where one fits in a world that may not fit us.  Braided with color, humor, and loyalty to family, this is storytelling at its best!  Sharla Lovelace, Bestselling and Award Winning author of THE REASON IS YOU

The spell was cast when they were children. That bond cannot be broken. In the deep hollows and high ridges of the ancient Appalachian mountains, a legacy of stunning magic will change their lives forever.

1461250_496657083765127_1387255473_nLaura is caught between the modern and the mystical, struggling to lead a normal life in New York despite a powerful psychic connection to her childhood home in North Carolina—and to the mysterious stranger who calls her name. She’s a synesthete—someone who mentally “sees” and “tastes” splashes of color connected to people, emotions, and things. She’s struggled against the distracting ability all her life; now the effects have grown stronger. She returns home to the mountains, desperate to resolve the obsessive pull of their mysteries.

But life in her mountain community is far from peaceful. An arsonist has the town on edge, and she discovers Ayron, scarred and tormented, an irresistible recluse who rarely leaves the forest. As her childhood memories of him surface, the façade of her ordinary world begins to fade. The knots she’s tied around her heart and her beliefs start unraveling. Ayron has never forgotten her or the meaning of their astonishing bond. If his kind is to survive in modern times, he and Laura must face the consequences of falling in love.

 

Thank you all for your continued support – it means so much to me. *smiling warmly*

The Lightning Charmer – so it begins . . . Aw Lawd! *Jittery Jittery Jittery* LAWD!

The Lightning Charmer coverY’all know how much I detest the “author spamming” stuff, so it’s difficult for me to go on my FB page or to come here and talk about my novels, and if you scroll down my blog posts and FB updates, you will see I rarely do that. However, it’s difficult, no it’s impossible, not to say “It’s here!” when a new book is released, or if I have other good news — like promotions or whatever.

And so, now I can say, at least for Amazon, The Lightning Charmer is here! Amazon always jumps out of the gate first, it seems. The “official” release date is November 1, but Amazon already has The Lightning Charmer up in print and e-book.

I’ve always been excited about a new release, but I find this time it hasn’t fully hit me yet. Perhaps when I receive my author copies I’ll hold one in my hands and do my usual writing a personal note to myself in it and feel it – FEEL IT – F.E.E.L. I.T.. But for now? I’m caught in a surreal weird-land of Not Yet Feeling It. I went to the Amazon page and stared at it – yup, it’s there; it’s real; it’s happening, but still – LAWD!

What is my hope for my book out with Amazon first? Well, that it will climb in the charts of course, and that it will receive good reviews of course, and that it will do well on Goodreads, as well, of course, since Amazon and Goodreads are combined (from what I understand). But will I be looking at my ranking and checking reviews? Nope! Not I, says the Kat! *haw* – Because I don’t keep up with reviews and rankings, and I believe that reviews are for the readers, not for authors to go poking her head in and looking around and commenting.

 

As well, I learned from my wise editor Deborah Smith (who is a best-selling author herself and please google her and check out her books!) never to go hunting up reviews, and stop looking at rankings. The only time that it may be advised to celebrate rankings is if someone contacts me and says, “Your book is climbing the charts and is in the top 100 and writer's blodkaclimbing!” Then I can go “Whoohooooooo!” *laughing* yeah. That happened with Tender Graces — made it to Number 1 and caused The Help to be Number 2 -sure did, but at the time I didn’t understand what was happening, so I didn’t talk about it – Duh, Kat!

So, y’all, if you want use Amazon as your book source, and you think you would like to read my latest, then I invite you to it. If you only want to say “Congrats, Kat!” and not to read my book, that’s fine, too! I never expect everyone to be interested in what I write–even friends and family! If you want to send me chocolate and vodka to help me to control my jittery, well, that’s awesome! *laughing*

Now, I’m going to try to control the jitters in my stomach–this book is different from my others and I admit so much nervousness in the hopes my “Regular Readers” who have been such wonderful “fans” of my work, will love TLC and be happy with the new direction I took.

A little more about The Lightning Charmer Here on my website.

Y’all are awesome. All of you.

The Lightning Charmer cover . . . . it’s purdy

Welp, here ’tis – the cover art for The Lightning Charmer. It’ll be out this month. Something a little different from my former novels. I’m excited and happy, and I hope my readers will love Laura, Ayron, Betty, the crows, the wolf-dog, the lightning, the sex, the love, the supernatural, the fire — I hope my readers will love it all. *Fingers Tightly Crossed*

The Lightning Charmer cover

 

 

 

A haunted man shadows the Smoky Mountain forest. A lonely woman returns to what she left behind. A legacy unfulfilled calls out to them both. .

The sky darkens, the lightning seeks . . .  

The Lightning Charmer is full of whimsy, enchantment, ancient secrets, and dark earthy seduction.  Magendie taps into those primal secret places we all harbor, with a powerful story of learning where one fits in a world that may not fit us.  Braided with color, humor, and loyalty to family, this is storytelling at its best!  Sharla Lovelace, Bestselling and Award Winning author of THE REASON IS YOU

The spell was cast when they were children. That bond cannot be broken. In the deep hollows and high ridges of the ancient Appalachian mountains, a legacy of stunning magic will change their lives forever.

Laura is caught between the modern and the mystical, struggling to lead a normal life in New York despite a powerful psychic connection to her childhood home in North Carolina—and to the mysterious stranger who calls her name. She’s a synesthete—someone who mentally “sees” and “tastes” splashes of color connected to people, emotions, and things. She’s struggled against the distracting ability all her life; now the effects have grown stronger. She returns home to the mountains, desperate to resolve the obsessive pull of their mysteries.

But life in her mountain community is far from peaceful. An arsonist has the town on edge, and she discovers Ayron, scarred and tormented, an irresistible recluse who rarely leaves the forest. As her childhood memories of him surface, the façade of her ordinary world begins to fade. The knots she’s tied around her heart and her beliefs start unraveling. Ayron has never forgotten her or the meaning of their astonishing bond. If his kind is to survive in modern times, he and Laura must face the consequences of falling in love.