The Sun shines on, until it goes kablooey; Clear your own debris & find your joy before you even think about dating again

solar-system-tourOur Sun. The planets revolve around it, though once long long ago people believed that everything revolved around the Earth—just like some people think everything revolves around them, right? Ha!

Did you know that the sun is all colors mixed together, but appears as white or yellow or maybe even gold to us? Sun’s power (386 billion megawatts) is created by nuclear fusion reactions—much like the Rage I experienced-hawhaw! (more on that later). Light from Sun takes about eight minutes to reach the earth—the amount of time many people wait between relationships; ha! Over one million Earths could fit inside the sun.

If you were 118 pounds on Earth, you’d be 3,194 pounds on the sun. Dang! On the sun you best back away from the Halloween Candy, y’all—in fact, send your Halloween Candy (the good kind; I don’t want that nasty kind) to Kathryn Magendie, The Cove at Killian Knob, Western North Carolina. Boo! I can’t calculate your age on the sun because age is figured out by our rotation around the sun, so it makes no sense to try to calculate our age on the sun.

Sun is about 4.5 billion years old and it now has about half of its hydrogen, at its core, left to “burn.” explodingsunuploadSo, it’ll shine on for about another 5 billion years and we’ll take it for granted. Until! One day, it will run dry of hydrogen fuel and this is bad news for us humans, because then Sun will devour Earth—complete destruction—hmm, this also applies to some people in our lives, doesn’t it? They completely consume us and create utter destruction! OH FIERY DEPTHS OF HELLACIOUS CHAOS! AIIIYEEEEEE!

At Sun’s destructive death, it may create a planetary nebula—nebula is debris/gas thrown out by dying stars. May I use this as another comparison or analogy? When a relationship dies, there is lots of emotional debris, and if we are not careful, and we start dating too soon, or worse, enter into a relationship too soon, we still have all that debris and destruction and exploding gases happening all around us—and for all you know, maybe your dating partner is going through the same thing. Double Whammy! How can we clearly see with all that debris clouding our vision?

Before you start dating or looking for a relationship, I cannot stress enough—really really stress Back to the cove at Killian Knobenough—how important it is to have some time alone. ALONE—by yourself—YOU BEING YOU ONLY! Not just to “lick your wounds” but to figure out things. To look at yourself in the mirror. To do some uncomfortable thinking.

To clear the air of all that debris and gas. To see things realistically. To feel healthy and strong. The longer you go, the more your life journey begins to make sense in ways you never imagined. As the dust settles, you see the galaxy around you clearly. Because if you’ve gone from relationship-to-relationship, you may have a Big Ass Debris-Covered Galaxy—your debris mixed with their debris until you don’t know who you are separate from Someone Else any longer—your life is a bit of a mess.

It’s been a year since my last relationship nebulized all over the place, and that relationship came round much too fast after I left my marriage—debris on top of debris. But boy was it exciting and exhilarating and passionate and interesting and satisfying in ways I never imagined in all my imagining. But it was also other things; it was also what it wasn’t, all of which is of course private.

If I’d have known then I’d go a images (4)year alone (so far!), I’d have thought, “Well, Dang! A YEAR! DANG!” There’s lots of This Is Not Fun when you are alone. You miss things. Emotional things. Physical things. But what I found as time went on and I became stronger and saw just what I was made up of, is how I began to recognize patterns that both related to others and also only related to Me. I began to see things I’d done that created chaos in my life. I began to see things I’d allowed in my life that I should not have. I saw things about myself that made me cringe, and made me feel sorrow. I learned a lot about Me.

630320In my year-long journey, I discovered many Epiphanies that made me gasp and go “OMG! Now I get it!”

The person I am emerged, warts and all. We are all imperfectly beautiful. Once you clear the air and see WHO you are all by yourself, you begin to learn to accept yourself. It’s a “oh, there I am!” moment.

I recognize I am a very intense and passionate woman. Now I see how for years I tried to control that. Worse, I often allowed others to try to control my passionate intensity—maybe they were afraid of it; maybe I was afraid to show it with them; maybe this that the other.

Even from childhood, I realized, I’ve squashed down, or let someone squash down, the Core of Who I 007am. Passionate. Intense. Creative. Weird. A whirlwind of a woman. But oh I am worth it. I know my worth. You have to know yours. If you do not recognize your worth, you and your partner or potential partner are doomed.

If you take a wild mountain storm and throw it in a box and nail it shut, that box will shake, rattle. The storm will barely be contained, pushing out through cracks and crevices. From the outside, you see this box shaking and rattling and you are a bit afraid of it. Maybe out of that fear you throw the box in a closet. One day that box will explode. Debris.

Two emotions I had problems with: Crying and Rage. You do not cry (and I rarely did); you do not show your anger—when I’d become mad, I’d become like a stone, still and rigid. Oh that rattling box!

And what of Joy? Where is the Joy? I’d laugh, but Joy seemed something situational. Something imagesthat happened when something good came around—fleeting before the next shitstorm arrived. Better feel it while you can before you have to deal with Real Life. Wow. That’s sad.

During my year-long Discovery Journey, my box began to RATTLE, SHAKE, EXPAND. The doors to the closet I’d been thrown in blew open. The locks on the box buckled under the pressure. And then that box EXPLODED and Hooooo Boy was there a shit-load of debris!

First came the crying. Oh did I cry at every little thing! I hated it! Can you imagine a well of tears from childhood that have finally been tapped? That well had to be drained, and it was deep and wide. I allowed it to come. It was annoying at first, then it became a cleansing.

The Rage was harder to deal with. A terrible terrible rage. I was one pissed off woman and it created imagesa bit of an Asshole Effect. Rage I’d tamped down from childhood and on through the years, just as with the crying, gushed up like some ancient volcano that finally erupts after a hundred years of boiling. Lava spilled and burned anyone who dared come close.

Imagine Godzilla stomping across the city scorching with its breath everything in its path, stopping every so often to sob and rail and whine? Yeah. It’s not pretty.

godzilla-breathMy dears! Can you imagine dating in a healthy way during this time? Good gawd no! Even if your emotions aren’t from years and years of repression, I can guaran-damn-tee you that you have a crap-load of debris from your last relationship, or relationships, you need to deal with. You’ll carry what you haven’t dealt with from person to person. I don’t care who you are with—they can be the most “perfect” person but if you haven’t cleaned up your own debris, it’s going to be messy.

Heck, you may end up screwing up a good thing. Or, you may end up being with a bad thing. Either one sucks.

You can’t blame the other person, exclusively. I don’t care how “bad” they may have been, you had your part and you best be figuring out what it was and dealing with it, even if it was just putting up with someone’s bullshit—you were there, you put up with it; why?

DSC02718Almost a year into my journey, I noticed that I was laughing a lot. Like, A Lot a lot. What was this feeling? What is this, Kathryn?

Well, damn it all! I’d found my Joy! It wasn’t until the debris cleared that Joy shone through, big and bright and beautiful. Warming my face and bones and skin and heart.

3fd128c3-39b6-45af-bd84-e1f22f6d587cThere comes a lightness of being, if you will. A knowing that you have gone through this weird-ass tunnel and come out the other side. Like a death and rebirth kind of thang, y’all!

And, in that lightness also comes Determination. You have heard it ALL before and you ain’t putting up with Da’Bull’Sheet. You don’t want to hear a litany of “I’m sorry” and then the same thing happens again and again while you make excuses for them, and excuses for why you put up with it. Or maybe they are putting up with your sorry ass? I ain’t there; I don’t know.

You don’t want someone else’s debris choking the life out of you.

Once Joy comes into DSC00024your life (and its sister, Peace—don’t forget Peace), you will never want to go back to The Old Way. And one of the ways not to go back to The Old Way is not to allow people into your life who will hurt you, or make you feel Less Than, or try to change you to fit who they want you to be, or—and this goes without saying but I’ll write it anyway—abuse you in ANY way. You will see your way more clearly. You will stop making excuses for someone else’s behavior, and, for your own behavior. You will trust your instincts. You will see the red flags and walk away. You will be strong enough to do this, yes, but mostly you will want NOTHING to take away Joy.

How do you know you are experiencing Joy (and Peace) and that the debris has cleared? You know it. You know it because it is the most pure of all the emotions. There are no conditions to it. There is no: “If only this would happen, then I’d be happy!” “If only he/she would do (or not do) this/that, then I would be happy.” “If only If only If only”—with Pure Joy, the clearing away of debris, there are no If Only This, Then I will be happy. There is contentment, laughter, strength.

This is not Pollyanna stuff. I am not talking about Manic or Giddy–I’m talking about Peace and Joy. Bad things are still going to happen. Sad will happen. Shit will happen. But you will get through it and Joy will be there waiting.

Your joy will follow you around whether you are with someone or whether you are alone. I can’t stress that enough either: You must find your Joy (and your Peace) all by yourself, completely alone, before you combine your joy and peace with someone else. Because if DSC00035that someone else has a debris-covered heart, it will cloud your vision. At best, you’ll be in their shitstorm and have to figure out if it’s worth it—and maybe it will be and maybe it will not be. Or, at worse, they are bad news, and they will drag you down to the hell-pits with them, and there goes your clear beautiful Galaxy of Joy.

So, folks. Please. Stop. Take a breath. Consider that taking time—and I cannot tell you how long it will be for you—will not always be easy, but it is Worth It. So very much worth it.

And then, when you do start dating again, you’ll only “choose” those who will make your Joy shine, Photos, no words: A walk in my Cove on Fourth of Julyand you will make their Joy shine. You will laugh. A lot. You will feel trust. Peace. Even in the hard times, you will know that Pure Joy is there, unclouded by destruction debris.

But first: be with yourself a while. Get to know you. You are worth it.

 


1964980_10152466287074176_8369086502746553258_nIf you like Southern/Appalachian/Family Saga fiction (sometimes with a supernatural touch), then I hope you will consider one of my novels (or short story “snacks”) by clicking on this link to my 51j6n1OihJL._BO2,204,203,200_PIsitb-sticker-v3-big,TopRight,0,-55_SX278_SY278_PIkin4,BottomRight,1,22_AA300_SH20_OU01_Amazon Page. I appreciate your support!

1461250_496657083765127_1387255473_nAnd I thank you, my readers.

 

 

Advertisements

Black Holes. Deaths of Stars. “How to” of the day. Give-away drawing.

This from The Physics of the Universe, which has more information on Black Holes you may be article-2302364-00570A6100000258-460_634x430interested in reading: “A black hole’s mass is concentrated at a single point deep in its heart, and clearly cannot be seen.” A single point deep in its heart—ah, how poetic and lovely. In my lil log spaceship, I only skim around the places where the black holes are in our Milky Way Galaxy, because to go too close is dangerous. The blackness pulls, pulls, pulls, and once inside, just as with the light, there is no escape from it. We must search out the light and leave behind the darkness, though the darkness holds fascination and we are often drawn to its mysteries.

You see, black holes are places in space where the gravity is such that even light can’t escape; the gravity is so strong because matter is condensed into a tiny space. It can occur when a star is dying. The idea of shining beautiful stars dying is poetic in itself. Nothing escapes death—so shine as bright and beautiful as you can while you can. As the narrator in the video below says, “Out of catastrophe, comes creation.” Ah. yes.

Since no light escapes, black holes are invisible, but scientists can use their sciencey toys to look at stars close to black holes and study how they act differently from other stars.

The Big Ones are called supermassive black holes—imagine a mass that’s more than a million suns. Our galaxy has a supermassive black hole and it’s called Sagittarius A. Sagittarius A has a mass that’s equal to about 4 million suns. A whole bunch of Earth’s could fit in that black hole. But some are tiny enough to hold in my hand. *Kat takes a moment to picture this—holding a tiny black hole and feeding it light. Amazing.*

To say it most unscientifically, black holes are constantly “hungry,” and if the spaceship is too close, DSC09985we could be sucked into the blackness. Of course, then we’d know what was inside and that would be kind of awesome. Though, we’d never survive—once you arrive at the Event Horizon, time slows way down, and you are spaghettified—streeeeeetched out most uncomfortably.

Earth is probably safe, since black holes are too far away to swallow up our Earth. But even if Sagittarius A drifted our way, the black hole’s gravity would be the same as the sun and we’d just orbit the black hole.  Now, that presents problems all of its own, right? Sometimes in life we orbit around black holes instead of the sun, don’t we? Where light doesn’t escape. But we don’t stay there, because we are strong and we are fearless and we are determined. Right? Right!

Over the last few posts, I’ve talked about what it’s like to be lonely—the feelings and emotions behind loneliness. Now I want to explore our galaxy in other ways. Ways that will be helpful—I can’t guarantee I won’t become Black Hole-ish where light can’t escape and I am dark and mysterious and looming, but it’s all part of the Lonely Woman’s (or Lonely Man’s) journey, right?

Today I made you a video of how to check your oil. We all should learn how to do simple things with our vehicles, our homes, our lives. And taking care of simple things gives us a feeling of accomplishment and power. It saves us a little money, too. The first week I showed you a simple “repair” of your garbage disposal. Week after that, what to try if your ceiling fan is making noise. Today, checking your oil!

Next week, I will be talking about cooking for one. And, I’ll be asking you for ideas and recipes. It’s easy to slip into buying quick easy processed frozen food and though that’s okay for an occasional meal, preparing fresh healthy food will keep us at top performance, just as we want our vehicles to be at their top performance.

So let’s move away from the Black Hole for a while and towards the shining stars that are still brilliant and light-giving. Shall we?


Give Away: I’ll be drawing for a pound of Starbucks coffee. Beans or Ground, strong or medium or light, your choice. Coffee! Coffee! Oh how I love coffee! The winner is chosen by me drawing a name from the comments or “likes” section-either one, it’s just nice to have you drop by and acknowledge you were here so I can smile at you. My plan is to have at least one give-away a month, perhaps two. Judy D won the chocolate from the last give-away.


If you like Southern/Appalachian/Family Saga fiction (sometimes with a supernatural touch), then I hope you will consider one of my novels (or short story “snacks”) by clicking on this link to my Amazon Page. I appreciate your support! And I thank you, my readers.

Introduction to the Galaxy

imagesThe Milky Way Galaxy. Home. It’s not very big, as galaxies go. Though, progress intrudes as it often does—the Milky Way is moving towards the Andromeda Galaxy at seventy miles per second, and what was One will become a bigger messier Two that becomes a strange unknown One. Much as we humans do—we hurtle towards one another knowing the collision will be beautiful and fiery, and end in our spiritual or romantic or sexual (or all three) deaths. Perhaps before that happens, the sun will have already swollen to a red giant and, well, we won’t survive that either. We have no choice in the matter—death comes, so we must do the living, hurtling towards what we think will make our lives more exciting, bigger, better, sexier. Often, if we are careless, hurtling towards hurt—hurt(ling).

Oh but do not fret, for the aforementioned collision is millions of years away. Or, as in the case of Human Endeavors, it has already occurred and there is quite the mess to clean up and the resurrecting of Life not as it became known, but as it will become. Advice will be given freely: Think Positive! There are people who have it much worse! You can do it! It’s not so bad is it? Buck up and stop whining!

084Looking out of the spaceship window, there is a vastness of sky interspersed with Stuff. Though one would think traveling into space would be a silent and black existence, it is not. It only seems that way for the Lonely Woman when eyes turn too far inward; but yet, even then, the brain is as the galaxy is—full of gas, dust, black hole, planets, moons, and stars, never still, ever-changing. In the midst of it all, one cannot see to think clearly with the dust and gas so thick, yet there are wonders there, beauties, discoveries. There is also the Hidden inside the black hole that one does not want to be too close to. Why, you may ask?

The massive black hole is a greedy dark mouth that devours all the beauty and wonder and light. But yet, you wonder, inside the blackness, where no one can see, the wonders and beauty are still there, are they not? Still, you know the danger of Black Hole. No one really understands it, and that makes it bigger and badder. It is ravenous, dark, moving, surreal, dangerous, scary. Even before you enter the Event Horizon and are sucked in, you are drawn to it, drawn to it, drawn to it, drawn to that strange awful blackness.

In this galaxy, there are over 200 billion stars, maybe up to 400 billion, and that makes up only part of the home of the Earth home. Back on earth, there are about 7.5 billion people—the world could possibly support 9 or 10 billion. (Go to this World Population Calculator and see how the number changes yet stays the same as it calculates births and deaths.) And yet, for the Lonely Woman, there is One. And the inside of the spaceship has a silence so loud it bangs upon the eardrums a tune that says: Alone Alone Alone Alone Alone Alone Alone, to the tune of the heartbeat. Turn your head this way and that, and find the spot that turns off the sound, brief respite you’ll cover up with alcohol, silly inane tv shows, work, or long walks in the atrium side of your ship.

The thing about being alone is people are afraid of the vastness of it, or ashamed of it, or think that it means they are somehow Not Quite Right. But often, the Lonely choose it. Because they must. One must learn to be alone before one can learn to be, well, not alone. So while it is a choice, it also has its challenges.

Earth is noisy, and Lonely Woman recoils, retreats to the safety of the ship. Yet in space, it is not as silent as one would imagine. Though sound is not as it is on Earth. Sound in space is eerie—it is the sound of loneliness, beautiful but frightening—it is a sound that both entices and repels. You want to listen, yet you want to run away from it. (Visit this website called “Can You Actually” that has YouTube videos of the sounds of planets, including Earth.)

download (1)Turning from the window, thoughts turn to the basics: how to navigate a busy galaxy when it is but you at the helm of your spaceship? And that is what this journey will be. Effectively, or sometimes ineffectively, navigating the galaxy as One, which includes that of Home Earth. What will you eat for One? How will you repair the spaceship as One? Where are safe places to go, as One? What to do when no one has your back but you? What if you are sick? What if . . . what if . . . what if? How to . . . how to . . . how to? Why, how, when, where? Thus, yes, the name: The Lonely Woman’s Guide to the Galaxy.

I hope to help. Or at least commiserate when I cannot help. And, perhaps you out there will offer your own solutions and ideas for how you navigate the Galaxy—not just as one, but as one of the billions of shining stars out there in this Milky Way Galaxy.

And today, to speed us off on our journey, as promised, I have a give-away. While I won’t always do it this way, and it will not always be a book from me, or a book by someone else, for I would grow bored with that, I do not want to seem as if I’m ‘trolling for comments,’ which I am not; so, that written, today, since it’s the first day of our journey, I will offer a Kindle copy of one of my books to the first three commenters (your choice of books, and to do with as you will – give away or keep). If you comment and do not wish for a copy, it won’t hurt my feelings, just say so. Lonely Woman does not get her panties in a twist about such.

I hope you will join in. How ironic that this blog could very well be the loneliest of places, as well? Ha! I can navigate around that, too. Yes.

 

 

 

 

 

Stop! Five “don’ts” when you are feeling vulnerable (and five “do’s”):

All righty then. From the list in the “never say never” post below:

  1. writer's blodkaDon’t drink too much. Okay, allow yourself that one night where you slug down some vodka and dance around the living room to techno trance (for the first 30 minutes) before feeling  sorry for yourself and throwing a mug against a tree and railing against your fates and . . .  and then just don’t . . . don’t allow yourself to drink yourself into a stupor where you curl into a ball in a chair and sob and fall asleep and wake up with your mouth dry and your pea-headed brain full of cotton and then unsteadily climb into your bed where you wake the next day feeling like crap on a stick that’s been beaten against a tree. Don’t. Find another way to cope. For that alcohol habit is not one you want to find yourself embedded in. No scenario has you drinking too much and then going, “Sure am glad I did that! I feel great now! All my problems are SOLVED!” Yeah  . . . no. And especially do not drink and text . . . .
  2. Don’t text whiny self-indulgent messages to anyone but your most trusted BFF (or post Facebook updates). No one wants to read that shit. No one wants to see your dark depressed underbelly. Believe me dangity do, that if you DO text/message/FB update with your whiny ramblings, you will forever regret it. Yes you will. YES YOU WILL! Do whatever is necessary not to bare your darkened squishy brain ramblings to anyone other than that trusted bestie. Later, when you are back to your strong kickass self, you will rather that you had not let people see a side of you that you’d have rather not—you will forever wonder if they now see you differently and not in a completely positive self-respecting I know my worth way. Remember, once again: NO ONE wants to read that shit—not even your BFF, but the contract of BFF’dom says they have to, so they have to suck it up. Only them, and you’d do the same for your BFF.
  3. well, sheee'it

    well, sheee’it

    Don’t further isolate yourself by further isolating yourself. Give yourself a little time–a week? two? three? four? oh oh-five? six? oops . . . seven? erk . . .  to push all the nasties out of your system, and then it’s time to stop wallowing. Get out with friends. Go for a drive. Invite someone(s) over. Workout. Smile at people. Talk to people. Be aware of your surroundings and remember where you once found joy. Remember that things are not all BAD, just different, and if there is some BAD, then remember it will not last forever unless you give the bad POWER—don’t give away your power. Find excitement in that different—isn’t this what you wanted? *Did you think this would be easy?*

  4. However, pertaining to Number 3, don’t spend time with people you don’t give a rat’s big ole ass about or who don’t give a rat’s big old heiny about you, just so you won’t feel alone. Self-Worth! Say it to yourself, in your head and then aloud: I know my worth! I am worthy! Look about your psyche-house until you find your self-worth and self-respect – are they under the bed, all dusty and rusty? Pull them out, dust them off, and let them back onto your life. Say it with me: I am worthy; I know my worth. You do not NEED people or company or that “friend” or that man or that woman or that crowd—be with the ones who give you joy, or are fun to be with/around, or you complement each other’s psyches or whatever. “I am worthy; I know my worth.”
  5. *I Kiss You*

    *I Kiss You*

    Beating yourself up? Don’t. Stop it. Yes, even if you’ve done the above. Give yourself a big fat break for being human. Beating yourself up will only make things worse. Even if you are the one who made the decision to dive into dark terrifying unknowns, who cut ties, who said, “I do not want this anymore,” why are you punishing yourself?  Why are you saying, “Oh well, this is what I get. This is what I deserve for shaking things up.” Nope. Not reality. Be your own BFF for a while. Use this quiet solitude time to discover just what kinds of guts you have. Recognize how you are doing exactly what you wanted and needed and considered for quite some time—and did you really think it was going to be easy? Hell no! Not much worth doing and having and obtaining ever comes “Easy.” Be kind to yourself. Love yourself. Give yourself some credit for Going For It, whatever that is, despite the initial feelings of grief and terror and stark-raving-madness.

DO!

  1. Do find gratitude—every day. Every morning take a deep breath and consider just what you are grateful for. And throughout the day, remind yourself what you are grateful for! Don’t forget to let out that breath. Ha.
  2. flexibility - yeah, it helps . . . uh huh

    exercise outdoors when you can

    Do get out and breathe in some fresh air; and definitely get some exercise. Your body and your brain will love you for it, and you will feel GREAT. I promise you this. If you have never exercised, then take a simple walk, and then another, and then another, and one after that, and another after that, and feel your body grow strong and your brain feel centered.

  3. Do live in the NOW, not some future. Remind yourself throughout the day to calm the voices in your head, stop for a moment, and BE IN THE NOW. What scents are surrounding you? How does your skin feel when you touch it? How do your lungs feel as you fill them with air? Your feet as they connect to the ground? Find the NOW, the present, this very moment in time, and savor it. The future will come soon enough and it’s rarely exactly how you envisioned it.
  4. Do reach out to your BFF(s) and your family. You can allow yourself a few whiny self-indulgent messages to the BFF (and maybe, MAYBE a trusted close family member), but after that, work with your besties and/or family on solutions to how you can transition from Old Life to New Life. There will have to be some grieving of the old life, even if you were ready to move on.  So . . . .
  5. photoDo allow yourself to grieve. If you don’t, then you are only denying what was once an important part of your life, no matter whether it wasn’t all healthy or perfect or wonderful or enlightened, it was still YOUR LIFE. Grieve the old as you step into the new.

 

A Whole Sackful of Crazy-let it out a bit of a time, Kat, and they'be be none the wiser -hahahahahahahaahahahhaNow. Go kickass.