Ah, I’ve missed this blog, and I have promised myself I will be posting to it more regularly. It makes me feel a bit less lonely, knowing that somewhere, someone is reading or may pass by. Long ago, I had an active blog and active community. Long ago, I was active in many writing circles and writing and social media. Long ago, I had a blog that was well-visited. It was fun. Maybe blogs are on the wane, but I still like them. I still visit them, though I rarely comment. Perhaps I will start commenting more. Perhaps blogs will make a come-back and we will enjoy that community again, one much different from/than Facebook or Twitter, etc.
Loneliness is a strange beast. A part of me embraces it, after the chaos I’ve had in my life. But sometimes it swallows me and I am left wandering in some strange Other World of Silence. Loneliness can become a safe haven, too. Where you begin to be so used to it that anything else feels too loud, too much. When a man asks for my phone number or expresses an interest, I find myself backing away, then turning around and running for the safety of my little log house. Yet, I’m also ready to open that door wider when I feel a return spark of interest in someone. Oh, the angst of it all! Right?
But I digress. Even if my words are swallowed into a Big Black Hole, I find satisfaction in the writing, and the researching of Wonders of our Galaxy, and beyond. For today, I am directing you to the wonderful community of Writer Unboxed, where I am proud to be a monthly contributor. Saturday’s post fell in line with how and what I write here at the Lonely Woman’s Guide to Our Galaxy, so I’m linking you there. To be a part of any community, even an online one, makes my Galaxy here much less lonely. As well, I’m often on Facebook, and I invite any of you who aren’t already there to join me. I’m on Twitter and Instagram must less frequently, but I meander every so often.
These are snottites that you find in caves – or inside someone’s mouth if they can’t kiss – ewwww
A few billion years ago, microscopic “life forms” caused Earth to change from an uninhabitable nasty suffocating place to one more like we now know. As the movie Jurassic Park scientist character said, “Life, uh, finds a way….” So, here are these tiny forms of life Finding Their Way, and what they did was pave the way for all living things by transforming our Earth.
Sometimes I wonder, if I were transported back even a few thousand years, how would my breathing be? What would the earth smell like? How would my feet feel upon the ground, my eyes see color and texture? If a scientist took the inner workings, the soft tissue, of someone from that time and compared it to my soft tissue, what would the differences be? How have we evolved because of the changes in our atmosphere, and what we eat, how we move about or don’t move about, and how we live our everyday lives in response to happiness and having things and not having things, to the stresses and joys and overwhelming possibilities of just where are we headed and how life is lived now and our responses to each other as humans with varied thoughts and beliefs and the very nature of how we know everything that is going on everywhere twenty-four hours a day/night—how would we differ from the earliest “intelligent life?” To begin and end and begin and end and begin and end, round and round and round we go.
But I seemingly digress. Let’s see. Meteorites bombarded—carbon arrived. Bacteria partied and hooked up. Things began to change. For rest of post, visit Writer Unboxed, and while you are there, follow this wonderful writers’, readers’, and industry peoples’ blog.
“Repair” of the Day: Garage Door Opener.
Do you immediately call a service repair person any time something quits working? Or take your car to a mechanic any time something goes awry with your car? Maybe you don’t need to. Particularly if you, like I am, are on a tight budget. Sometimes the fix is simple and easy. Often, as long as you do it safely and carefully, just TRYING something will net you results. It’s very satisfying, and empowering.
My garage door opener stopped working, and though that’s not the worst thing to happen as I have a keypad to open it, I depend on that automatic opener at night and during bad weather, particularly very cold snowy weather or high-wind rainy weather, when I don’t want to exit my car. My first thought was that it was the battery, so I changed that. No such luck. Still didn’t work. I tried the spare opener: nope, nothing.
I then googled “garage door opener stopped working.” Now, y’all, I highly suggest this when you have a problem with something in your home, or car, or whatever: google, bing, IE search, whatever search provider you like. For sometimes you’ll find the answer to your problem and it may be something you can remedy on your own, saving you money. I’ve had other things I’ve repaired in my home and my car simply by doing a Google search of the problem, and I’ve posted them here. Maybe you’ll end up a little greasy or dirty, but so what? Ain’t gonna hurt you!
I’ve had this same opener for 13 years and I may never know why it suddenly decided to malfunction, but the fix was super easy. I climbed up a ladder, took a look at the controls that are attached to the ceiling of the garage, and there were the simple instructions. VOILA! I had my opener back. Super easy. Free.
You can do this.
If you like Southern/Appalachian/Family Saga fiction (sometimes with a supernatural touch), then I hope you will consider one of my novels (or short story “snacks”) by clicking on this link to my Amazon Page. I appreciate your support!
Where have I been? Why, I’ve been here, there, and yonder! I’ve been working on my new novel. I’ve been editing other writers’ books and novels. I’ve been working on Edge of Arlington website. I was asked to be a regular contributor to Writer Unboxed (poor thangs – they don’t know what they did – I’m hillbilly’ing up they’s space; I’m dirty-footing up they’s respectable blog. Dang!). It’s an honor to write for such a prestigious group and I am grateful. My latest is: Grocery Store Glory (& Angst), (and earlier: A Writer’s Tombstone, Giving Up & Giving In, and as an earlier guest: The Isolated Author).
As well, from November through January, Lil Bear and I traveled by plane to Oregon and stayed 6 whole weeks! Wow! And from there we flew to Arlington, Texas, where we visited a bit, before I rented a Nissan Rogue and drove back to my mountains. It was so danged good to be home but I’m glad I traveled through the holidays instead of . . . being *gasp* ALONE FOR THE HOLIDAYS! That’s not my emphasis, since it wouldn’t have bothered me to be alone for the holidays. I do have friends. I do get out. I’m not completely reclusive. *laugh*
It looked just like this! Snazzy!
How appropriate that I rented a Nissan Rogue—for that’s often how I feel. As if I am a Rogue Planet, spiraled out and beyond away from the Mother Star of its birth, away from other planets, away from the security of that comforting planetary orbit. Wandering through space and time—that word again: Alone.
From Phenomena A SCIENCE SALON: “Rogue planets are homeless worlds. They have neither sunrises nor sunsets, because unlike the planets we’re more familiar with, these lonely worlds aren’t tethered to a star. Instead, they travel in solitary arcs around the Milky Way’s core. Earlier this week, Cosmos: A Spacetime Odyssey, introduced many of its viewers to the concept of these lonely planets. ‘The galaxy has billions of them, adrift in perpetual night. They’re orphans, cast away from their mother stars during the chaotic birth of their native solar systems,’ Neil DeGrasse Tyson says, as a planet emerges from the darkness. ‘Rogue planets are molten at the core, but frozen at the surface. There may be oceans of liquid water in the zone between those extremes. Who knows what might be swimming there?’”
photo credit: NASA-JPL-caltech-R.Hurt
How bleak and sad that sounds. Yet, yes, who knows what might be swimming in there? And until there is someone who wants to find out what is swimming inside of me, who sees my inner self and not just “this body” and who is not afraid of the challenge of someone who is “like me” (for I will never be boring), who can see that I am molten at my core but may sometimes seem to be frozen at the surface, who is kind and trustworthy, a grownup and not a little boy, but please believe me when I say: not perfect for I don’t trust perfection (in looks or manner/personality)—then I prefer to be Alone. Not only prefer it, but desire it, want it, embrace it. It suits me. For even if I find that person or that person finds me, I am not so sure I want to give up my freedom. Perhaps they will feel the same way: yay!
Scientists have discovered many of these rogue planets—some as big as Jupiter. Wandering through space, seemingly lost and without anchor. But who is to say those planets aren’t happy drifting languidly through space? Going where they want when they want. Doing what they want when they want. Continue reading →
No, “Snaking Your Drain til it Guggles ” is not a euphemism for something naughty (not today anyway – ha!)
I’m so excited! If I were in a relationship or dating someone, or someones, I’d be thinking about how to spin this event in to some kind of “romantic” sexy date (even though I am not much of a romantic, I am, however, all about the sexy, y’all – haw!). Big ole Moons are made for lovers, right? Oh well, I’ll love myself—see snaking your drain: just kidding! (hahaha).
On November 14, Earth will see its first Super-Duper Moon since January 1948—I wasn’t born yet so this Super-Duper Moon will be my first. Because it will be closer, our moon will look to be about 14% bigger and about 30% brighter. Moon won’t be that close to Earth again until November of 2034.
Moon orbits elliptically, and on its perigee side it’ll be approximately 30,000 miles closer to earth than the other side (the apogee—mini moon!). When the Earth, Moon, and Sun line up (called a syzygy—all consonants, y’all!—unless you consider the “sometimes y” thing, and who doesn’t?) with the perigee side of Moon facing Earth, the moon will be on the opposite side of the earth than it is from the sun—that’s called a perigee-syzygy. In case you were wondering and all—these things may have been keeping you up at night, tossing and turning and wondering about syzygys and perigees and apogees and the like.
All this together on November 14 will make our moon look to be bigger and brighter: SuperMoon! (Though scientists, bless them, call it a perigee moon.)
I took this photo through my telescope
We’ve recently had some SuperMoons—one in mid-October, and we’ll have another one mid-December. But this one on November 14 will appear bigger than any SuperMoon we’ve had in 70 years. If you don’t like how full moons affect you, then you must prepare yourself. However, if like me you love them and run amok through the woods howling your ass off, then like me you will love it!
Of course where you live and how you are able to view the moon will make a difference. You need a point of reference with which to compare it. Some trees or a building, etc. If it’s way up in the sky with nothing to compare it with, then Moon may not seem as Super to you. If you see it at just the right place, like close to the horizon, you can see a “moon illusion” where it looks really uncommonly large in relation to the object or objects in “front” of it.
I’m hoping our clear skies we’ve had here in Western North Carolina Smoky Mountains remain clear so I can see this—and through my telescope, too! Squeeeeee!
Now, just a few little hints for you here today. If we don’t learn to repair some things on our own, and are afraid to try, then money we do not have or have little to spare on our one income will fly out the window and up to the SuperMoon. I’ve shown you some easy fixes—and maybe not as easy fixes, but not extremely difficult either—here on Lonely Woman’s blog, but today’s “repairs” are super duper easy.
If you have a slow drain in your bathroom sink or tub, before you go pouring something caustic and nasty down it, or before you call a plumber, there is something so very easy to try, you’ll wonder why you didn’t know about this before!
First, you want to remove the drain “guard” thing—it’s the thing with holes in it and a screw in the middle (you may have something different). Just remove the screw with the proper screwdriver (see below), then lift out the drain “guard” (you may have to pry it with something to pop it out).
These very inexpensive little “drain snakes” with tiny brushes on the end really do work for most slow or clogged drains. I’ve been using them for years and have not needed nor purchased any caustic drain uncloggers for years, nor have I had to call a plumber—works every time. You simply push the brush end into the drain, and shove it down in there. When you pull it back up, you may find a mass of something outstandingly gross, especially if you haven’t done it in a while, or ever, and especially if you have long hair, or lots of hair—lawd! But once you do this a few times, the drain will clear, and is there not a more happy go lucky relieved sound than the glug glug glug of water happily circling down the drain where previously it was sluggish and slow and annoying? I think not!
My next “repair” is not really a repair at all (unless you have a broken door), but if you wish to remove a door and never have considered just how easy it is. I’m all about making my lil log house “my own” since I do not have to share, and I’ll have another post on Making Your Space Your Own Where Previously You Had To Share, soon—maybe next time. Removing a door is so super easy. Go look at a door in your house or apartment (you can refer to the images as well). Look at the hinges on the door—there are three of them on a standard sized door. You see how that works? There is a long “nail” that fits inside the “loops” in those hinges, and that’s what makes the door swing open and closed.
All you do is find a hammer and a small Phillips head screwdriver—and if you don’t know what that is, the Phillips head is the one that looks as if it comes to a “point” and has two slots at right angles to each other, while the other screwdriver looks flat at the end and has one slot (there are other kinds of screwdrivers, but the Phillips and the slotted are the two general main ones most of you have in your household). I’ll soon have a Black & Decker cordless screwdriver! Another squeeeeee. My hammer is an old Stanley, and it’s small; just right for my small hands.
You’ll see the “nail” that’s inserted in the “loops” of the door hinge has a head and then an end, much like a big fat nail without a point. Place the head of the screwdriver on the bottom flat end of the “nail” and hammer the handle of the screwdriver to start pushing up the nail through the “loops.” If you have other tool implements that will work better, go ahead! This is just how I do it. Once you work that nail out enough, you can pull it free. Do this to the other two hinges. Then all you do is grab the door and it’s free of its restraints. VOILA!
I did this to a closet door in my bedroom. In the winter the closet was freezing, and in the summer the closet needed air. As a “temporary” fix, I bought an inexpensive bead and string thang that I shoved a tree limb through and then hung over the door. I’ve liked it enough to keep it there until I figure out what more I want to do in that doorway and in the closet area. Since you can see through the bead/string thang a little, I put a furry rug on the floor, placed some decorative “bins” and other interesting containers on the shelves. More of that on “making our spaces,” but I’m pretty proud of myself!
Have fun. Fiddle around. Pull out your toolbox and see what you have. If you change something and don’t like it, change it back or do something else. If you attempt to repair something and ruin it, well, don’t come looking for me! laughing!
That’s all for today. In case you need a refresher on simple car repair, and small household “repairs,” I’ll link a few below (or put up the video again).
Now, I’ll just wait with excited breath for that SuperMoon! Squeeeeee!
Repairing a headlight & a windshield wiper (Blog Link Here for more):
How to check your oil:
If you like Southern/Appalachian/Family Saga fiction (sometimes with a supernatural touch), then I hope you will consider one of my novels (or short story “snacks”) by clicking on this link to my Amazon Page. I appreciate your support!
Our Sun. The planets revolve around it, though once long long ago people believed that everything revolved around the Earth—just like some people think everything revolves around them, right? Ha!
Did you know that the sun is all colors mixed together, but appears as white or yellow or maybe even gold to us? Sun’s power (386 billion megawatts) is created by nuclear fusion reactions—much like the Rage I experienced-hawhaw! (more on that later). Light from Sun takes about eight minutes to reach the earth—the amount of time many people wait between relationships; ha! Over one million Earths could fit inside the sun.
If you were 118 pounds on Earth, you’d be 3,194 pounds on the sun. Dang! On the sun you best back away from the Halloween Candy, y’all—in fact, send your Halloween Candy (the good kind; I don’t want that nasty kind) to Kathryn Magendie, The Cove at Killian Knob, Western North Carolina. Boo! I can’t calculate your age on the sun because age is figured out by our rotation around the sun, so it makes no sense to try to calculate our age on the sun.
Sun is about 4.5 billion years old and it now has about half of its hydrogen, at its core, left to “burn.” So, it’ll shine on for about another 5 billion years and we’ll take it for granted. Until! One day, it will run dry of hydrogen fuel and this is bad news for us humans, because then Sun will devour Earth—complete destruction—hmm, this also applies to some people in our lives, doesn’t it? They completely consume us and create utter destruction! OH FIERY DEPTHS OF HELLACIOUS CHAOS! AIIIYEEEEEE!
At Sun’s destructive death, it may create a planetary nebula—nebula is debris/gas thrown out by dying stars. May I use this as another comparison or analogy? When a relationship dies, there is lots of emotional debris, and if we are not careful, and we start dating too soon, or worse, enter into a relationship too soon, we still have all that debris and destruction and exploding gases happening all around us—and for all you know, maybe your dating partner is going through the same thing. Double Whammy! How can we clearly see with all that debris clouding our vision?
Before you start dating or looking for a relationship, I cannot stress enough—really really stress enough—how important it is to have some time alone. ALONE—by yourself—YOU BEING YOU ONLY! Not just to “lick your wounds” but to figure out things. To look at yourself in the mirror. To do some uncomfortable thinking.
To clear the air of all that debris and gas. To see things realistically. To feel healthy and strong. The longer you go, the more your life journey begins to make sense in ways you never imagined. As the dust settles, you see the galaxy around you clearly. Because if you’ve gone from relationship-to-relationship, you may have a Big Ass Debris-Covered Galaxy—your debris mixed with their debris until you don’t know who you are separate from Someone Else any longer—your life is a bit of a mess.
It’s been a year since my last relationship nebulized all over the place, and that relationship came round much too fast after I left my marriage—debris on top of debris. But boy was it exciting and exhilarating and passionate and interesting and satisfying in ways I never imagined in all my imagining. But it was also other things; it was also what it wasn’t, all of which is of course private.
If I’d have known then I’d go a year alone (so far!), I’d have thought, “Well, Dang! A YEAR! DANG!” There’s lots of This Is Not Fun when you are alone. You miss things. Emotional things. Physical things. But what I found as time went on and I became stronger and saw just what I was made up of, is how I began to recognize patterns that both related to others and also only related to Me. I began to see things I’d done that created chaos in my life. I began to see things I’d allowed in my life that I should not have. I saw things about myself that made me cringe, and made me feel sorrow. I learned a lot about Me.
In my year-long journey, I discovered many Epiphanies that made me gasp and go “OMG! Now I get it!”
The person I am emerged, warts and all. We are all imperfectly beautiful. Once you clear the air and see WHO you are all by yourself, you begin to learn to accept yourself. It’s a “oh, there I am!” moment.
I recognize I am a very intense and passionate woman. Now I see how for years I tried to control that. Worse, I often allowed others to try to control my passionate intensity—maybe they were afraid of it; maybe I was afraid to show it with them; maybe this that the other.
Even from childhood, I realized, I’ve squashed down, or let someone squash down, the Core of Who I am. Passionate. Intense. Creative. Weird. A whirlwind of a woman. But oh I am worth it. I know my worth. You have to know yours. If you do not recognize your worth, you and your partner or potential partner are doomed.
If you take a wild mountain storm and throw it in a box and nail it shut, that box will shake, rattle. The storm will barely be contained, pushing out through cracks and crevices. From the outside, you see this box shaking and rattling and you are a bit afraid of it. Maybe out of that fear you throw the box in a closet. One day that box will explode. Debris.
Two emotions I had problems with: Crying and Rage. You do not cry (and I rarely did); you do not show your anger—when I’d become mad, I’d become like a stone, still and rigid. Oh that rattling box!
And what of Joy? Where is the Joy? I’d laugh, but Joy seemed something situational. Something that happened when something good came around—fleeting before the next shitstorm arrived. Better feel it while you can before you have to deal with Real Life. Wow. That’s sad.
During my year-long Discovery Journey, my box began to RATTLE, SHAKE, EXPAND. The doors to the closet I’d been thrown in blew open. The locks on the box buckled under the pressure. And then that box EXPLODED and Hooooo Boy was there a shit-load of debris!
First came the crying. Oh did I cry at every little thing! I hated it! Can you imagine a well of tears from childhood that have finally been tapped? That well had to be drained, and it was deep and wide. I allowed it to come. It was annoying at first, then it became a cleansing.
The Rage was harder to deal with. A terrible terrible rage. I was one pissed off woman and it created a bit of an Asshole Effect. Rage I’d tamped down from childhood and on through the years, just as with the crying, gushed up like some ancient volcano that finally erupts after a hundred years of boiling. Lava spilled and burned anyone who dared come close.
Imagine Godzilla stomping across the city scorching with its breath everything in its path, stopping every so often to sob and rail and whine? Yeah. It’s not pretty.
My dears! Can you imagine dating in a healthy way during this time? Good gawd no! Even if your emotions aren’t from years and years of repression, I can guaran-damn-tee you that you have a crap-load of debris from your last relationship, or relationships, you need to deal with. You’ll carry what you haven’t dealt with from person to person. I don’t care who you are with—they can be the most “perfect” person but if you haven’t cleaned up your own debris, it’s going to be messy.
Heck, you may end up screwing up a good thing. Or, you may end up being with a bad thing. Either one sucks.
You can’t blame the other person, exclusively. I don’t care how “bad” they may have been, you had your part and you best be figuring out what it was and dealing with it, even if it was just putting up with someone’s bullshit—you were there, you put up with it; why?
Almost a year into my journey, I noticed that I was laughing a lot. Like, A Lot a lot. What was this feeling? What is this, Kathryn?
Well, damn it all! I’d found my Joy! It wasn’t until the debris cleared that Joy shone through, big and bright and beautiful. Warming my face and bones and skin and heart.
There comes a lightness of being, if you will. A knowing that you have gone through this weird-ass tunnel and come out the other side. Like a death and rebirth kind of thang, y’all!
And, in that lightness also comes Determination. You have heard it ALL before and you ain’t putting up with Da’Bull’Sheet. You don’t want to hear a litany of “I’m sorry” and then the same thing happens again and again while you make excuses for them, and excuses for why you put up with it. Or maybe they are putting up with your sorry ass? I ain’t there; I don’t know.
You don’t want someone else’s debris choking the life out of you.
Once Joy comes into your life (and its sister, Peace—don’t forget Peace), you will never want to go back to The Old Way. And one of the ways not to go back to The Old Way is not to allow people into your life who will hurt you, or make you feel Less Than, or try to change you to fit who they want you to be, or—and this goes without saying but I’ll write it anyway—abuse you in ANY way. You will see your way more clearly. You will stop making excuses for someone else’s behavior, and, for your own behavior. You will trust your instincts. You will see the red flags and walk away. You will be strong enough to do this, yes, but mostly you will want NOTHING to take away Joy.
How do you know you are experiencing Joy (and Peace) and that the debris has cleared? You know it. You know it because it is the most pure of all the emotions. There are no conditions to it. There is no: “If only this would happen, then I’d be happy!” “If only he/she would do (or not do) this/that, then I would be happy.” “If only If only If only”—with Pure Joy, the clearing away of debris, there are no If Only This, Then I will be happy. There is contentment, laughter, strength.
This is not Pollyanna stuff. I am not talking about Manic or Giddy–I’m talking about Peace and Joy. Bad things are still going to happen. Sad will happen. Shit will happen. But you will get through it and Joy will be there waiting.
Your joy will follow you around whether you are with someone or whether you are alone. I can’t stress that enough either: You must find your Joy (and your Peace) all by yourself, completely alone, before you combine your joy and peace with someone else. Because if that someone else has a debris-covered heart, it will cloud your vision. At best, you’ll be in their shitstorm and have to figure out if it’s worth it—and maybe it will be and maybe it will not be. Or, at worse, they are bad news, and they will drag you down to the hell-pits with them, and there goes your clear beautiful Galaxy of Joy.
So, folks. Please. Stop. Take a breath. Consider that taking time—and I cannot tell you how long it will be for you—will not always be easy, but it is Worth It. So very much worth it.
And then, when you do start dating again, you’ll only “choose” those who will make your Joy shine, and you will make their Joy shine. You will laugh. A lot. You will feel trust. Peace. Even in the hard times, you will know that Pure Joy is there, unclouded by destruction debris.
But first: be with yourself a while. Get to know you. You are worth it.
If you like Southern/Appalachian/Family Saga fiction (sometimes with a supernatural touch), then I hope you will consider one of my novels (or short story “snacks”) by clicking on this link to my Amazon Page. I appreciate your support!
Quasar is short for “quasi-stellar radio source.” They emit radio waves, as well as ultraviolet rays, infrared waves, x-rays, gamma rays. A quasar can be larger than our solar system. Dang! Quasars, the most distant objects, have enormous energy and are a trillion times brighter than our sun. Their energy comes from massive black holes at the center of the galaxy the quasar resides in. They’re bright enough to drown out the light of other stars. We can’t see them with our “naked” eye, even as bright as they are, because they are so far away—the energy from a quasar can take billions of years to reach our atmosphere. This could give scientists a peek into the early universe. A quasar may be like looking into the ancient past.
Think of this: the farther you go into space, the farther back in time you go. If we jumped into the lil log spaceship and were to go deeper and deeper into space, we’d eventually reach the beginning of time. Wrap your head around that for a moment!
One day, billions of years from now, our Milky Way Galaxy will collide with Andromeda Galaxy, and black holes will form a supermassive black hole. That supermassive black hole, munching up matter, will probably birth a quasar.
The video is someone’s interpretation of what a quasar may look and sound like.
If we did go deep into space, farther back in time, what would we see of ourselves? Would we see past Self make the same mistakes over and over again? Would we see our Self thinking that we were not making the same mistakes when we really are but only in a different context? We could take that intense Quasar light and shine it on our stumbles and foibles and use that to our advantage—to move forward in an aware way into healthy and happy lives, right? Right!
Many times people stumble into relationships willy nilly without giving a thought to what they really do want, or simply ignore and justify behaviors. They see warning signs and red flags but there’s that Hope that things “will just work out, somehow . . . .” And sometimes things do work out!
circling the drain . . . glub, glub, glub.
Sometimes the unlikeliest of couples are together for many many years and they make it work. Hoorah! I love those Exception couples. But some find themselves in and out of partnerships as if in some kind of weird sad square dance: do si do swing your pahd’nuhs round and round! WHEEEEEEEEE! Ooops, fell on my ass, again. Oh well! Here comes another pahd’nuh! WHEEEEE-aw, shit—oh well, here comes another . . . .
I’ve “been there done that” on many things I may write about on this blog, so don’t think I’m feeling all smug in my lil log spaceship, y’all! I do know this: better to be lonely alone than to be lonely while in an unhappy relationship that isn’t right for you.
Perhaps it’s time to be more mindful of our choices? To consider that entering into a relationship isn’t some flippant event we should stumble willy nilly into—people can be hurt in so many different ways—but instead something we make with our consciousness on full alert.
Ha! *personal trainer evil eye!*
There are those who make long detailed “lists” of what they want, or do not want, from a partner: some physical feature, money made or what one does for a living, what someone drives or where they live, kind of lifestyle lived, etc etc etc. Perhaps in dating and future relationships, being mindful of what you want while keeping your eyes and hearts open to adventure or someone “different” is less limiting than long detailed lists. That said, if you want children and your potential partner does not? That’s a Big Issue. If you are a yoga-pilates-daily runner vegan and your potential partner eats bacon cheeseburgers every day while lolling on the sofa. That’s a Big Issue. Those items may be up for discussion. Or, they may be non-negotiable.
Whether you make a list, or have never considered one, I am a firm believer in: The Deal Breaker.
Deal Breakers are what you absolutely positively cannot, and absolutely should not!, live with. There is no going back. If the Deal Breaker is broken, the relationship is over.
My savvy friends, think carefully about your Deal Breaker(s). Once your partner is aware of your adamant declaration and they Break The Deal, and you then say “Well, I’ll let it go this time! But do that again and you are out!” then you have not only lost your Self-respect, but you have lost the
Why did this bird cross the road? To get away from the Deal Breaker!
respect of the person who is engaging in the Deal Breaker Behavior—I’ll take that further: if your partner respected you, they would not engage in the Deal Breaker Behavior in the first place. Because that Deal Breaker is Very Very Very Important to you—it is what makes you feel safe and respected and loved, and so it should be as valuable to your partner.
If the list mounts and grows, then those are not Deal Breakers—those are wishes and desires and what you think you want. Deal Breakers are separate from the “this is what I would like to have in a relationship.”
You can keep your Deal Breaker(s) to yourself while you are dating, but if you see a Red Flag, then beware. If you are heading into a relationship then perhaps at its beginning is the time to talk about your Deal Breakers—both of you.
Do you know your Deal Breaker(s)? I bet you do. I bet some of you have just ignored them, or justified the Deal Breaking Behavior. Haven’t you?
Deal Breakers are the Hard Ass Event. You have to be strong and you have to be brave. You have to walk away. You must. So use your Deal Breakers wisely, my friends. They are powerful. They are the End. They are our Milky Way Galaxy ramming into Andromeda Galaxy, and KABOOMO! we are Done.
Deanie Gallimore – you are the ‘winner’ of the drawing for the Kat’s Choice give-away! Facebook message me your mailing address.
Next drawing will be announced when I’m ready – ha! Who is driving this spaceship? Me~!
If you like Southern/Appalachian/Family Saga fiction (sometimes with a supernatural touch), then I hope you will consider one of my novels (or short story “snacks”) by clicking on this link to my Amazon Page. I appreciate your support!
In the Superman franchise, Kryptonite is the one thing that makes Superman weak. While that glowing green rock is made up, scientist have found a Kryptonite and believe the conditions could be that it could form on other planets that have the extreme pressure to create it—not the glowing green rock kind, but a Kryptonite all the same. To read more, click HERE.
Also, The Daily Mail: “An influential astrophysicist claimed to have found Superman’s home planet Krypton after being hired by DC Comics to find its location. The fictional planet Krypton would have orbited a red dwarf star called LHS 2520, says Neil deGrasse Tyson, director of the American Museum of Natural History’s Hayden Planetarium in New York City. The star is 27.1 light-years from Earth in the southern constellation Corvus, also known as ‘The Crow’, says Dr. Tyson. The star is cooler and smaller than our sun. Read more CLICK HERE.
We all have our Kryptonite—in life, in people, and for the purposes of this post today: in our food choices. And my Kryptonite left me feeling weak and unhealthy–more on how I “experimented” with my body’s health, in a minute.
Greek Yogurt with less added sugar. Made my own BBQ sauce! Fruit drizzled with wild-flower honey. Great choices from my Earthly Ingles Supermarket. Fresh Fruit! Lots of water.
In today’s post about dating and relationships, I want to talk to you about your health. What’s that have to do with dating and relationships, Kat? Well! A lot! If you are not healthy and strong, everything is more difficult—and that includes dating. This isn’t about “looks,” though if you are concerned about that, then make it about that if you like. This is about respect. Respect for our bodies and minds, and dating or finding a relationship with someone who respects their body and mind. Food and movement are two relatively easy ways to do that—I write “relatively easy” because food choices are often jam-packed with other “issues” that have nothing to do with food, but that’s thoughts that will make this post even longer than it is!
Your weight on other planets–just for fun–I usually include our weight on other planets as part of my planet posts, and that’s where I find that information.
In my travels about the galaxy, okay, only on Earth, I notice this little phenomenon: When some humans are single they go on “diets,” and work out, etc, in order to feel “attractive” to the potential partners. Suddenly, it’s important to them to look their best, feel their best, act their best, be their best. Then, when they enter into a relationship, they drop it all and go back to unhealthy lifestyles. What.Is.Up.With.That.Y’all?
I take a probiotic every day. Along with: Super B-complex, Co-Q10, a baby aspirin, fish oil, Vit D3
Don’t you respect yourself and your body in relation to You, and not in relation to whether you are with someone? Don’t you want to feel strong and independent and capable and healthy both in and out of a relationship? Don’t you love You first? If you don’t love and respect You, then will you attract those who love and respect themselves?—because that combination is a healthy one: you respect/love You and they respect/love Themselves, and together is a powerhouse of mutual love and respect. Entering the dating world, arm yourself with healthy-choices armor and you can decide to expect good health from your dating partner(s). I am not talking about judging here. I’m absolutely not talking about body shaming: Stop That People who are doing that! And for gawd’s sake I’m not talking about “changing someone.” I never want to change someone; why would I want to? You shouldn’t either.
My healthy lifestyle has been a part of me for many many years—in relationships and out of them. It is a huge important part of who I am. I like feeling healthy and strong. It’s not just about your looks and weight, folks. It’s about strength and power. It’s about a clear mind. It’s about good sex—yes! How do you expect to have really great sex if you aren’t healthy?
well, sheee’it
If you are huffing and puffing before you get to the good part? Or what if you cannot achieve the good part because you are unhealthy? Hmmm? If that’s “not important to you” then why the hell not?
No matter what our physical bodies look like, or how we perceive them to look like, if you are strong and healthy you will be beautiful or handsome. And I am not talking about “skinny” or “thin,” I am talking about Strong. You will feel powerful, empowered. You will stride about the Earth, or any planet at all, with confidence and grace and power and good health.
Raw almonds are good. Sometimes I have sunflower seeds, or peanuts, etc.
Take a look at the photos I am scattering here and there. Are any of these things in your pantry or refrigerator—and I don’t mean with mold on them—are they? No? Why not? Fresh fruits and vegetables, plenty of water, nuts and seeds, homemade sauces instead of always purchasing them (you control what goes in your sauce), (not shown-)brown rice. I don’t eat a lot of meat, but when I do it’s usually poultry or some kind of seafood, and other days I find other protein sources.
Being the Lonely Woman, it’s difficult to cook because it’s only me. And if I prepare something
Vitamins. Fun workout music. Home gym or gym outside the home. Improve your mind and body with movement and healthy living!
delicious, there’s no one to share it with. As well, except for rare occasions, I don’t particularly enjoy cooking. But I refuse to go schlepping to some fast food place—ugh! Or fill my pantry/fridge with a lot of processed foods—but I did fall into this trap, as you’ll read below.
Do you work out? At all? You don’t have to be a member of a gym. I converted a small part of my garage in the lil log spaceship to a workout room. There’s a mini trampoline, some weights, a bench, a boxing bag, yoga mats, etc. Doesn’t take up much space, and right there in your own home! Walking and jogging/running is free. I have exercise bands and tubes. There is yoga/pilates, but be sure to have good instruction so you don’t injure yourself. (And, see your doctor before starting a new exercise program). Get off your ass and move, y’all. That’s my old personal trainer voice—but seriously, folks—this is important. Especially the older we become. When you are in shape, you walk across a room and feel your muscles move—there isn’t that jiggly feeling of unused muscles. Feel your power. Feel sexy and alive. It’s not just about looking good in your jeans, but in how it changes other areas of your life. I’m not just referring to women here–all my posts are for both genders!
This year, I did an experiment of sorts. I thought, “Maybe I’m blowing smoke up my own ass. Maybe all this working out and eating right is bullshit.” I became one of those hungry black holes snarfing
this is a “sketched” photo from years ago that I “staged” But that’s about how I felt – laugh!
up foods I’d before only eaten occasionally. Potato chips—hand em over! Ice cream: oh, those Magnums are delish! French fries—give me more! Candy—mmmmm! Lots and lots of CHEESE! Ohhhhh, cheese! Alcohol most every day—which is full of sugars.
Sugar is my Kryptonite, y’all. We all, as I wrote above, have a food Kryptonite: sugar, white processed carbs, nothing but meat in our diet with no fruits or veggies, fast food, fried foods—find out what your Kryptonite is and resolve to control that craving.
During my “experiment” I thought, “So, this is what it’s like to eat and drink whatever you want and how much ever you want! Well Dang! Maybe this isn’t so bad after all.”
Ha. Yeah. Then the problems began.
At first I didn’t notice anything. I needed to gain back a little weight I’d lost (when you ‘starve’ yourself, your body will cannibalize itself, including beautiful muscle. You may be “thinner” but you aren’t healthy). After several months of this, the weight came on fast. But this was not healthy muscular weight and instead was bloaty sluggish weight. And, worse, I noticed other things, bad things, happening to me. I’ll list a few here and see if you are experiencing any:
Don’t make me come after you with an ass whoopin!
Daily headaches, painful stomachaches, aches in my body that I didn’t have before and I injured easier; my hair lost its luster and there was a lot more hair strands in my comb (eeek!). My pants became tighter around my waistline in an unfamiliar uncomfortable way. I began to have sudden woozy feelings and a foggy head.
I gave up my running—something I really loved, because I “just didn’t feel like it,” and my weight training declined because “Whatever. I’m busy.” I wasn’t boxing the bag—because “I just wasn’t in to it.” I still walked, a lot, and had my healthy foods still here in the lil log spaceship, and that saved me from completely ruining my health.
Enough was enough. I wanted my Self back.
The only way to completely move away from your Kryptonite is to shove it out of your house until the cravings pass. Once you feel better and in control, you want to allow a treat every so often.
That diet dog food I accidentally bought is Naaasty!
I quit purchasing the sugary treats. I cut out the alcohol in the lil log spaceship—I will only drink in a social situation and keep it to 2 drinks. I stocked my fridge and pantry with my fruit and veggies and brown rice and other healthy foods. And I’m not referring to “Diet Food.” I have my peanut butter (I use the “Natural” brand-no added sugar), and jam (I choose the less added sugar brand), and I drizzle honey on my fruit. Until I get over the Kryptonite sugar craving, the treats have to stay Out.
As I began to feel better, my other good habits returned. I’m running again, boxing the bag again, weight training. My headaches—gone. My stomachaches—gone. My hair is responding too, because I haven’t been seeing the strands in my comb like before. My clothes are fitting better again. My muscles are toned and strong. My mind is clearer and I stopped having those woozy off-balance feelings.
*I Kiss You*
Ah. I’m back! I literally looked in the mirror and thought, “There I am.”
So you tell me, my lovely friends: which lifestyle do you think I prefer? Which lifestyle do you want to live?
No added sugar in this peanut butter! Just peanuts! & they make a jam that has less added sugar. MMMM!
Are you having any health issues, even if they seem “minor” that plague you? Perhaps it is time to change the way you think about food and your body and your muscles and your well-being.
I promise you this: when you begin dating again, or even if you are now, or are in a relationship, everything will feel better—you will feel stronger and empowered, the sex will be better, your energy and outlook on life better. You’ll feel sexier and more alive. You’ll show that you respect yourself, because you do! Aren’t you worth it? I say do this no matter whether or not you want to date or find a relationship—do it For You!
First stop: open your refrigerator and pantry and consider its contents. Second stop: do not go on a diet! Please do not. Look at that dog food photo—yeah, I know, but that’s such a great example, ha!—one side is the regular dog food and the other side is a “healthy weight” diet dog food. Notice how the regular is brighter colored and plumper looking, more appetizing, than the dried up diet stuff? Yeah, it’s like that. You can still have treats, and alcohol, and even your Kryptonite—make sure you know your Kryptonite and then don’t keep it in the house, or purchase just enough for one serving.
Third stop: Move. Move. Move! Get off your ass and MOVE!
No excuses—yes, being lonely sometimes sucks. Yes, cooking for one can be boring. Yes, eating alone can feel, well, lonelier. But we can decide that we’re going to enjoy life and good food and even the preparation of it because We Are Worthy.
Are you ready? Hop in your lil spaceship and head to Earth Supermarket or Farmer’s Market and fill your basket with good healthy alternatives to Crap. And what did I say to do? Yes MOVE!
Try it, and then tell me how it is working out for you. I want to know.
Still time to comment/like here or on Facebook for the “Kat’s Choice” drawing, which I will only be doing a drawing about once every now and then. This blog isn’t about finding people to “like” me or comment. It’s about me having fun and doing what I love: writing about things I enjoy.
And my novel The Lightning Charmer is on sale August 16 – 31, for $1.99, e-books only! It’s for all e-books, not just Amazon, though the link above takes you to Amazon. There’s actually some delicious, or disastrous, dating in there, too.
A haunted man shadows the Smoky Mountain forest. A lonely woman returns to what she left behind. A legacy unfulfilled calls out to them both. .
The sky darkens, the lightning seeks . . .
The Lightning Charmer is full of whimsy, enchantment, ancient secrets, and dark earthy seduction. Magendie taps into those primal secret places we all harbor, with a powerful story of learning where one fits in a world that may not fit us. Braided with color, humor, and loyalty to family, this is storytelling at its best! Sharla Lovelace, Bestselling and Award Winning author of THE REASON IS YOU
If you like Southern/Appalachian/Family Saga fiction (sometimes with a supernatural touch), then I hope you will consider one of my novels (or short story “snacks”) by clicking on this link to my Amazon Page. I appreciate your support!
Saturn was always my favorite planet because it is so gorgeous. When I finally did turn my attention to other planets, I recognized their beauty, and as well, how interesting they are, too. Still, Saturn is mesmerizingly beautiful. Yet, up close hovering in the lil log spaceship, the rings aren’t as lovely but instead feel cold and a little deadly—chunks of ice and rock, some small as little specks of sand and some bigger than a building. I need to back up a little, out of the thick of things and determine what direction to take so I’m not smashed to smithereens.
Hey, if I spin it right, that’s a great metaphor for dating!
Saturn is mostly made up of gas, especially hydrogen and helium; helium, like the kind you put in birthday balloons. I wonder if we took a breath on Saturn (pretending we’d survive it), if the helium would make our voice all squeaky! Let’s hop in the lil log spaceship and go find out! Is that a date? Sure! Okay! Wow, what will I wear? It’s pretty danged cold, like minus 276F—better wear my coat.
Because of those gasses, Saturn could float in water!
Saturn’s year is like 29 Earth years; Saturn’s day is 10 hours, 14 minutes. Born on this day, 1970, you’d be less than two years old and your next birthday wouldn’t be until July 15, 2029. If you weighed 118 on Earth, you’d be 125.5 on Saturn.
Saturn’s nickname given by the ancient Assyrians is “Lubadsagush—meaning, “oldest of the old.” Some days I feel rather lubadsagush, and others I feel rather kickass sexilicious. Ha!
The planet Saturn has 150 moons and little moonlets. 150! Dang! If I were dating, which I am not, I’d say that sounds like a fun date: helium voices while on a floating beautiful planet (if we pretend it’s floating in a milky-way sea) with 150 moons to stare up at.
Today is the second post in my dating and relationship series. And, as promised, I’m delving into some Dating Do’s and Don’t’s. All of these are anonymous, of course! Let’s just start today with Five “These Should Be Obvious” Dating Do’s & Don’t’s, shall we?
I changed the information somewhat to protect privacy. Do’s/Don’t’s are not gender specific, and not specific to hetero, though my few examples are “he/she.”
(I’m not referring here to “Hanging Out,”—a whole other thang, but actual Dating.)
Do show up showered and dressed appropriately, and on time.
Oh, the stories I have heard about dates showing up nasty and late. Do I really need to say that’s a No-No? A Red Flag? You’d think not! But it happens more than you would imagine.
Hey, s’up?
A friend once recounted her experience of having her date show up an hour late, straight from working out in the yard, beer in hand (see below!), scratching his crotch, and saying, “Did you cook somethin’? Cause I don’t feel like goin’ to the restaurant after all *burrrrrp*.” She asked him to leave. They didn’t have a second date.
When a man met his date for coffee, him smelling all nice and all, she showed up sweaty and stinky from her run—this apparently happens a lot to people, this “sweaty gym date thing;” I even saw an episode of The Big Bang Theory about “Gym Sweaty” date behavior! Huh. Well. No second date here, either.
So, by “appropriately,” that means show you care! Take a little time to dress, and show up on time and if you are going to be late, call or text, people! R _ E_S_P_E_C_T!
If you ask someone out, maybe give them a head’s up if it’s extremely casual or very dressy. If you are the one asked out and you aren’t sure how to dress, it doesn’t hurt to ask if it’s casual or not-casual.
Long long ago, I once arrived with my date at what turned out to be a formal event. Oh the beautiful gowns and tuxes! And me in my casual pants and top, while nice enough, were completely inappropriate. Ungh! My dates earlier words of, “Just throw something on,” didn’t help *laughing.*
Watch the booze, y’all.
Sure, the nerves may need a little priming, you may think. Why, just a little bit o’ the booze will calm the nerves, right? Welp, maybe a beer or glass of wine before the date never hurt anyone, but more awkward, and scary, moments are created by alcohol than not. While I would never go as far as to say “Do not drink,” I will say that keeping those drinks to no more than two for that first date will never do you wrong.
Oh, you and I both know what sometimes can happen, don’t you? Of course we do! By the third drink—the first two went so fast! Where did they go so fast?—you’re heading to that giddy nice glowy stage where you think you are SO clever! (And I’ll interject here: if your date can slam them down and not show any sign of intoxication: Red Flag. There are always exceptions, but, yeah, I stand by it: Red Flag).
Passing out, puking, cursing out someone, becoming angry, grab-assing, stumbling about, etc etc etc—all of these are of course Red Flags and yes I have heard these stories, including how a friend had to carry his date to his car, carry his date to her door, and when no one was home and he couldn’t find a key, carry her back to his car, carry her to his apartment, where he deposited her on his bed (he slept on the couch). Next very late morning when he was finally able to rouse her, she was pissed off and ornery and on the way home she asked if he’d mind stopping at the store—he did, and she came out with a six pack, one of which she opened and said, “Fucking hair of the dog, man.” *laughing* oh dear.
I don’t care what excuse they give. Want to give them another chance? Maybe it was just that once? I stand by my: Red Flag!
If your date is obviously loaded, please do not leave with them—call a cab, a friend, or if you have your car call your date a cab, and then leave. It’s about respect, but it’s about safety, too. And about them becoming a big pain in your ass.
If you had too much to drink, then for gawd’s sake do apologize! Even if it’s the next day when you wake up in a blurry haze and go, “Oh shit!”
Perhaps many of us have had a little too much to drink when we were nervous, so before that date even happens, just take some deep breaths, and imagine yourself doing something really embarrassingly stupid where you say Oh Shit—then drink responsibly.
Do pay for something—or at least sincerely offer to.
I’ll have a salad: NOT!
Notice I wrote “sincerely offer to”—the disingenuous offer is annoying. If you don’t want to pay for any part of it or feel you should not have to or the situation just does not call for it, then just don’t offer while expecting them to decline!
“Bad” date story a friend long long ago told me (and I ain’t sayin’ if this was a man or woman): The date not only ordered the most expensive items on the menu, they also had drinks, plus dessert. Ah but they weren’t done, my friends. To boot, the date also ordered a complete, and expensive, “To Go” meal “for later,” and they didn’t offer to pay for any of it. Haw! I’m laughing as I write that. But yeah. Don’t do that.
If the date pays for dinner, why not pay for dessert? If the date pays for the movie, why not pay for some treats? If your date does not drink and you do drink, maybe you want to pay for your drinks. Perhaps it is my independent streak, but it feels weird to me to have someone pay for everything. Offering to pay for something, even if small, is a nice gesture, and doesn’t leave all the control to one person (okay, that empowered control is probably my issue!). And I don’t care how much money they make compared to how much you make. That’s not the point, at least in my thinking. Actually, I never know what a person’s income is—it’s never been a determining factor of my dating/relationship life.
If your date seems insulted by this offering to pay for something gesture, or awkward about it, let it go. Actually, if your date is actually “insulted” maybe that’s a Red Flag. If they are that touchy, then what else is hiding under that skin? Hmmmmmmm.
Don’t desperately slobber and drool and manhandle. Yeah. (Sex is also something I’ll get more into later.)
Date Disaster: Date arrives nicely dressed, smells nice, all smiles, says, “You ready?” Why yes, of course, she says. He opens the door for her. Why thank you! How gallant! As he drives, he chats
These are snottites that you find in caves – or inside someone’s mouth if they can’t kiss – ewwww
about this and that, but suddenly however, they are in a neighborhood, pulling into a driveway. He gets out, opens her door, and she exits (oh oh – no no – don’t go in there!), thinking, “Ummmm . . . ?” Folks, if you are going “Ummmm . . . ?” Pay Attention to that! But she thought, “Maybe he forgot something or . . . ?” Ha! No, when they were barely inside, he sticks his tongue down her throat and swabs the contents of her tummy and starts pulling at her clothes, and says, “How about a little appetizer before dinner?” OMGawd! I’m laughing again. No, this is not funny, but I’m still laughing—only because I know everything turned out okay and the woman was safe, grossed out, but safe.
Yeah. Don’t do that. And don’t feel embarrassed to say No Effing Way! And especially do not feel pressured about ANYTHING! Who is in charge here? You are!
Or like the woman who was all over her date in the parking lot of a family restaurant. Parents were grabbing kids and running *laugh* Do.Not.Do.That.
Please don’t stick your tongue so far down his/her throat you scoop up some dessert (ewwww!). Kissing should have a little finesse. It should be an exploration (but not of one’s stomach contents – lawd!). If it’s the first date, go a little easy there, ‘kay? Red Flag is if someone is super handsy while their tongue is exploring your bowels (ewwww).
Look, if you’ve not dated in a while, or been out of a relationship for a while, the loneliness is an issue, oh how I know that! But beyond that, having no sex is an issue. All systems are on HIGH ALERT; your nerve endings are on fire; your body is revved and R.E.A.D.Y. But if you’re all over the man/woman before you figure out what kind of person they are, you aren’t respecting yourself and could potentially be setting yourself up for something you’ll Regret—who wants to wake up the next morning thinking “Oh shit.” Ha! Nope. You can’t tell enough about a person on a first or second date to determine if they are cray cray. I don’t care how much you are thinking, “Sex. Sex. Sex. Sex. Sex. Sex. Sex. Sex. Sex. Please god now, SEX!” Rushing someone, or rushing into it yourself, could lead you to Something Oh Shit, or Something GOOD—waiting a bit will help you to know which one. Even if it makes you tear out your hair in frustration, laugh!
Do talk about SOMEthing, but not constantly about ex’s please.
If someone can’t stop talking about their ex to the exclusion of everything else, then likely they aren’t over that person. Likely, they are still working through “issues” with that person. Likely, they still have a world of feelings about that person—whether it is love, or rage, or hurt, or the more insidious, hope—and you don’t need to be embroiled in their Continuing Saga of As the World Squirms. They are likely dating Too Soon. Not your problem to figure out. Red Flag. If you are the one doing all the talking about your ex, then maybe you need to give yourself a little more time. Been there; done that!
Of course, ex’s come up; they’re a part of our experiences, but yammering on about an ex during the entire date is a Red Flag. Surely there are other things to talk about? Surely there are other interests besides how that ex is a fucking asshole/bitch who deserves to DIE DIE DIE! (Red Flag: if your date is talking like that, exit stage left-good lawd!), but as well, Red Flags are: your date starts to cry (oh oh, dang), your date is still heavily involved with the ex (maybe there are children, and this is completely understandable, as it should be, that they would still be involved, but, if you are listening and listening and listening, and thinking, “Hmmmmm,” then Hear that “hmmmmm,” ‘kay? And, if there are children involved, don’t pretend you are okay with this if you are not—more on that and other “accommodating behavior” later).
Dating should be about exploration and discovery and enjoying each other’s company. It should be for finding out if you are compatible as dating partners. It should feel safe; it should feel respectful; it should feel GOOD! It should not be about “finding your soul mate” – please stop with the Soul Mate stuff already (more on that later). It should not be about grabbing onto this person you barely know and thinking about “your life together as a couple.” If you want to find a “relationship,” fine, but expecting the other person to go along on your ride to Forever-tude probably is unreasonable, particularly on the first few dates—lawd, let’s take a breath!
I’ll explore more of this next post.
Still time to comment/like here or on Facebook for the “Kat’s Choice” drawing, which will be soon.
And my novel The Lightning Charmer is on sale August 16 – 31, for $1.99, e-books only! It’s for all e-books, not just Amazon, though the link above takes you to Amazon. There’s actually some delicious, or disastrous, dating in there, too.
A haunted man shadows the Smoky Mountain forest. A lonely woman returns to what she left behind. A legacy unfulfilled calls out to them both. .
The sky darkens, the lightning seeks . . .
The Lightning Charmer is full of whimsy, enchantment, ancient secrets, and dark earthy seduction. Magendie taps into those primal secret places we all harbor, with a powerful story of learning where one fits in a world that may not fit us. Braided with color, humor, and loyalty to family, this is storytelling at its best! Sharla Lovelace, Bestselling and Award Winning author of THE REASON IS YOU
Later, y’all! Time to jump in the lil log spaceship and head off to my next adventure. Um. All alone. Dang.
Kat’s “Tutorial” – (ha! Tool-torial – ungh).
allen wrench, pliers, crescent wrench – do you know what those are?
Ah Venus. What more appropriate planet in our Galaxy to kick off this series on dating and relationships, or lack thereof, since this planet is named after the Roman goddess of love and beauty? Right? Uh huh.
The second planet from the Sun, Venus is the second brightest object after Earth’s Moon. It has a similar size and mass to Earth, so they are often called “Sister Planets.” Like Uranus that I spoke about in the previous post below, Venus rotates in a retrograde fashion, in the opposite direction to the sun. It has no satellites, meaning no moon! Yes, Venus is not in a relationship with any satellite. It has no co-dependent, symbiotic-like thing hanging around it to keep it company as Earth has Moon. And Venus seems to be doing just fine on its own in its own ironic way.
Venus is the hottest planet in our solar system with temperatures of over 870 degrees Fahrenheit—its atmosphere is made of carbon dioxide and extreme greenhouse effect heats up its surface. This is well hot enough to melt lead, people.
A weird little quirk about Venus is that a day on Venus, at 243 Earth days, lasts longer than its year, which is 224.7 days. A 243-day day. Well Dang!
If you weighed 115 pounds on Earth, you’d weigh 104.3 on Venus. If your birthday was today, August 5, and we use the year 1970 again, you would be 74.7 years old, and your next birthday would be September 24, 2016.
It’s telling that a planet so known for its symbol of love and beauty is also uninhabitable, with long long long long uber windy searing hot unbreathable days, and not even a Moon to gaze up at. Double Dang.
I could gaze longingly out the windows of the Lil Log Spaceship as I skirt around a symbol of love and beauty before jetting off to somewhere safe. Or, I could figure out how to completely alter myself so I could inhabit this hot uninhabitable planet.
Or, I could spend some time alone in the Galaxy until I figure out: What do you really really want, Kat? Who are you so you can know who you want in your life?
And most important: What’s next in your own life story, Kat? Don’t you want to ask yourself that, too? And then find out?
Because if we become involved with someone too soon after being involved with someone else, we risk not finding out what’s next in our own stories but instead once again become entangled in someone else’s story.
So if I want to visit Venus, I will be equipped with the materials I need to explore its surface on my own terms. And if I cannot figure that out, I won’t go until I do.
(And nowhere in this post am I referring to the “Men are from Mars; Women from Venus” stuff—my post here has nothing to do with that.)
To start off this series on dating and relationships, I must tell you that being Lonely isn’t the end of the world. Sure we can melt on Venus, or be blown by raging winds, or slog through a 243-long day, but if we have to go there alone to discover what’s next in our stories, then we survive it. Because we must. Because we should. Because being alone is NECESSARY for us to move on and forward and tally ho!
If you are fresh out of a relationship and immediately jump into dating, how is that healthy? Where is the retrospective? Where is the respect for that previous relationship—and if there is no respect, then why not? Where is the grieving period? Yes, grieving period. You are experiencing the death of something. I don’t care if you are telling me, “But it was a terrible relationship! We crashed on Venus and melted to smithereens!” If you were in a relationship, you must grieve its end. Even if only to grieve the “Idea” of that relationship.
If you were in a relationship that often made you happy, you must grieve the companionship, the intimacy, the veritable Two that becomes One. If you were in a relationship that was often stormy and chaotic, you must still grieve the moments of exciting madness.
If you felt you were a better person in this relationship than without it, then your grieving will be acutely lonely and sad. If you felt you became someone unrecognizable—someone you no longer wanted to be—in a relationship, you still must grieve, even if you are grieving over how something that seemingly held such promise ended with such messy crapitude.
I don’t care if you tell me you hate the person you were with and would cheerfully sock them in their big fat nose—if you do not deal with the grief to the end of a relationship, the death of something, and you rush headlong into dating, or worse into another relationship, you are setting yourself up for a world—a galaxy—of troubles. Yes yes yes, there are exceptions to every Rule in Life, but those exceptions are just that: Exceptions. Exceptions are rare.
Exceptions sure hurl us into a lot of trouble, don’t they? How many times do we hear, “So and so did this and such and it worked out perfectly! They’ve been together 5 million Venus days and each day is better than the last! Oohhhh, I want that! If they have it, there’s a chance I can, too! Ohhh!” Yeah. Trouble. Because sometimes those Exceptions lead to Expectations that lead to Justifications that lead to Oh Shit What Have I Done? And yes, okay, sometimes they can lead us to magical wonderlands in a galaxy far far away.
You willing to take that risk with what’s next in your story?
Do please believe me that taking time to lick your wounds and consider just what happened to you and to your partner is imperative for the health of your next relationship—if you decide ever to go there again! Ha! And you will. One day. And that One Day should be after you are strong and healthy. It should be after you consider YOUR OWN role in the “Just what happened here” planet.
Nope, I am closing my ears to your saying, “But my partner was a train wreck! He/She was *fill in blank with putritude*!” Well, even if you only have to answer to my, “Then why were you with them? What attracted you to the putritude train wreck?” Because as adults we do all make our own choices, don’t we? You can tell yourselves you were fooled, or blind with love, or blind with lust, or unaware, or lied to, or whatever justification you need to feel better about yourself, but reality is that there were two people in that relationship and neither one of you is was were perfect. Yes yes yes I understand there are some people who are Bad News and good decent people are swept away by events and personalities that surprise and fool and trick—another Exception. If that happens, then the healthy person quickly extracts themselves from that situation, right? Right! If not, then why not?
If the partnership had beautiful, and mind-blowing, moments, then the grieving and retrospective will be fraught with entanglements. Because you’ll miss those things, and you’ll want to feel them again, and you’ll want to feel them again NOW NOW NOW! I urge you to stop. Take a moment. Take bunches and oodles and millions of moments. Take some deep breaths. Learn to live alone for a while. Learn what it feels like to rely on You and You Only. Learn to be independent. Become strong. Become healthy. Find out What is Next in Your Story, without entangling yourself in someone else’s story—until it is Time.
Now, of course you want the support of your trusted friend(s)—who doesn’t? But even they can only help you so far as you are willing to help yourself.
Consider the reasons you were with your previous partner and then extract what worked about it—file that away for future reference. Then consider what did not work about it, extract that, and file that away in another file for your future reference. Be brutally honest with yourself. We humans have a funny way of denying reality and focusing only on what we want to hear/believe/see that feels comfy cozy to us. You must be so brutally honest with yourself that it hurts—deeply hurts—to consider. And I don’t mean just about your previous partner, but brutally honest about yourself, too. Perhaps you really did do all you could do and you tried with all your big beautiful heart, but, does that mean you did not have some responsibility in the demise of your partnership? Only until you are brutally honest will you flesh out what’s really going on in the head and heart and desires of You.
Though we won’t talk about No 9 right now, will we?
The good, the bad, and the ugly should be examined.
Diving headlong into another relationship before you’ve grieved the last one, before you’ve extracted the “Whys Hows Whens Wheres” of it all, will set you up either to look for what you are missing from the last partnership, or set you off to find something/someone completely different/opposite. Neither one of those missions is healthy, strong, independent-thinking. When you are ready to date again, you should be dating not with the idea of finding someone to replace the other person. Or finding someone to fill some hole in you. Or finding someone who will make you feel different from the last person. Or finding some warm body to keep you company.
Being with someone just so you are not alone is exactly the wrong reason to be with someone! It’s a sucky shitty reason. And it is certainly a Not Fair reason to the people you involve yourself with.
My last relationship was very intoxicating. And I grieved it. Not for days or weeks. I grieved for months. I stopped telling myself, “I should be over this. I should this. I should that.” Instead, I let myself feel all the horrible sad feelings. The tender moment feelings. The powerful intimate moment feelings. I let myself feel rage, too. Depression. Anxiety. Loneliness. Fear. I allowed myself to feel all the terrible awful things that we want to deny. Because we try to Feel Good all the time. Because we are told to Suck It Up. Because we are told to Get Out There Again! Because we are told strength means something different from what it really does mean: Strength means we must first feel weak and then build ourselves up again. Strength means facing all the shitty crappyness and feeling all the shitty crappyness without denying its existence so hard that we shove it into the Black Hole where we think it’ll disappear forever. Oh, it’ll find its way back up in some quasar supernova explosion—and in the most unexpected and un-wanted moments and times of our lives. It’ll find its way to you when you think you are happy again because you want to be HAPPY! so bad you won’t allow yourself any discomfort. *Shaking my head no*
There were many things I missed about Being Two. My Lil Log Spaceship became so quiet I could hear my own anxiety-ridden heartbeat. I wandered about as a ghost would, sad, lonely, scared. Suddenly, I had to figure out everything on my own. Suddenly, all the bills were mine. Suddenly, there was no sex, no intimacy, no kiss, no touch. Suddenly, there was no one to talk to. Suddenly, I ate alone, slept alone, did every single thing alone. I grieved. I assessed. I contemplated.
But, my friends, I did not jump out there and start dating just to fill up a hole left by someone else. And I’m still not dating. And I will not date until I know I am Ready. And by Ready I mean when I am completely strong again; when I feel like Myself again—myself as a whole independent mind and body. I will know when I get there and I will not rush this. I cannot. I should not. And neither should you.
The other day I looked into the mirror and thought, “There you are.” Because I am discovering myself again. Yes, I am Lonely Woman, but this Lonely Woman life is exactly what I need to find Me again. And once I am ready to date again, I will make choices that are healthy and strong. And the men I date will be healthy and strong. If they are not, then I want to be able to know that quickly so I’m outta there. You must be a healthy and strong person yourself so you can recognize one who matches you in strength and independence. You must find Respect. So you find Self Respect first.
So, my dear ones, though I am not dating right now, I have dated in the past. And, I have been talking to, and listening to, people who are or were dating, and in my next post in this series, I am going to explore some Dating Do’s and Don’t’s. Some of these were real eye openers—just when you think people would have common sense, and decency, and showers (haha!), well, they do not! Ha!
My next give away is Kat’s Choice. That means I get to randomly choose something to send to you. Yup, you just have to trust me . . . and of course you can! Can too! I’ll choose the names to draw from comments, “likes,” and from FB comments/likes, as well. Thank you!
No repairs or whatever today since this post ran a little long, but next week I’ll have more on simple repairs/tools, etc.
If you like Southern/Appalachian/Family Saga fiction (sometimes with a supernatural touch), then I hope you will consider one of my novels (or short story “snacks”) by clicking on this link to my Amazon Page. I appreciate your support!
Uranus is the seventh planet from the sun and not visible to the naked eye. It’s an interesting and unique planet worthy of our attention. Don’t you feel that about yourself sometimes? Especially as a Lonely Woman, or Lonely Man? That you are no longer visible but you are unique and interesting and worthy of attention? You’ll hear, “Get yourself out there! Be around people!” But, it is exactly the “getting yourself out there” thing that is confusing and daunting and scary, isn’t it?
But I digress. Because I like to say/write: I digress.
Uranus’s axis is tilted at 97-98 degrees, so the planet rolls on its side for most of its rotation around our sun. This rotation is called retrograde—opposite of Earth and other planets (besides Venus and Pluto, which also spin in a retrograde direction). In these retrograde planets you can imagine that the sun would rise in the west and set in the east. Though, Uranus is so tilted on its side that some of its orbit points its poles right at the sun so there’s 42 years of sunlight at one pole while the other is in complete darkness for 42 years—that sounds like my moods sometimes; hahaha! The 42 years of sunlight/darkness is during Uranus’s solstice; during the planet’s equinox it is a little more “normal” in its “seasons.”
It takes 84 years for Uranus to orbit the sun—Earth takes 365 days. Imagine that for your birthday I pick you up in my Lil Log Spaceship and take you to Uranus. Let’s also imagine your birthday is today, July 16, and, let’s say you were born in 1970. If you were back on Earth you’d be 46 years old. But if you were with me on Uranus you’d only be 0.54–notice the decimal y’all!—and what would be your second birthday wouldn’t be until July 20, 2054! I bet you’d miss all the cake and ice cream and presents and would scurry on back to earth. As for me? Well: Pitiful Lonely Woman Alert!—my last birthday was spent—guess, no really, guess!—yeah: alone. Dang. So a birthday once a year or once every 84 years—hmmmmm, gotta think about that one. Like Charlie Brown says (and I don’t exactly quote): We don’t mind being alone and lonely so much, we just don’t want a holiday(or birthday) to emphasis it. Awwwwwwww!
On Uranus, a 115 pound person would weigh 102. Not a huge difference like some of the other celestial bodies—for example, a 115 pound person would weigh over 3000 pounds on the sun but only 19 pounds on the moon! I’m gonna have my cake and eat more of it too on the Moon.
Uranus is an Ice Giant planet. There’s an ice mantle that surrounds rock and more ice. Its atmosphere above consists of ammonia, water, and methane ice crystals—this gives it its gorgeous pastel blue color.
Now here is a weird thing: because of Uranus’s atmosphere, it is thought that it may rain diamonds! Imagine diamond-hail falling down on and around you. As well, It could be that there is a layer of liquid diamond. I’m not a diamond kind of woman, but I’d love to have me a big ole pretty jar of liquid diamond. Now I bet that would be interesting and beautiful. Dang! My precious.
Many people believe Saturn is the only planet with rings, but Uranus has rings too (so does Jupiter and Neptune). They are small rings made of dust and small boulders.
Neptune has 27 moons. Can you imagine looking up and seeing 27 moons? They were named after William Shakespeare and Alexander Pope characters—like Puck, Juliet, Ariel, Cupid, Miranda, Oberon, Caliban, etc. etc.
For more on Uranus, see this video below:
Some pronounce this planet Ur-ran-us and others Ur-anus. I admit I picked this planet today because I was saying “Your-Anus” in my head, and since I kicked ass yesterday, that was my reason. Yeah. Well. What can I say? Laugh. I have my own thought-processes.
And the reason I kicked ass is because I was able to make a couple of repairs on my car without any help—because there IS no help. When you are a Lonely Woman/Man, you are responsible for everything, and that includes car repairs and maintenance. And that’s what I want to talk to you about today, besides Uranus, that is! The more we can do on our own, the more kickass we feel. The more empowered we feel. Before I opened up that hood, I was worried about what those repairs were going to cost me, and where would the money come from? How much more can my groaning credit card take? I’d been putting it off, and it wasn’t safe to do that. I was tired of the anxiety over it.
You are allowed to look pitiful if it’s your birthday and you are by yourself being a Charlie Brown. Just say’n
Stress . . . worry . . . obsesses . . . anxiety . . . or, open the danged ole hood and just Try It.
The repairs I made saved me a trip to a mechanic (other than the “check engine” light that I will talk about), and everything I did was completely FREE! I included a video (below).
These repairs were done on a 1998 Subaru Outback. Your car may vary. Refer to video below if you want to “see” what I’m talking about. And be careful about safety: Engine OFF; hood secured, and any other areas of safety necessary. Your car may be different from mine, so just be Smart about things.
Problem: One of your headlights is not working. It’s not the bulb, because either you’ve had that replaced, and/or you notice the light sometimes works.
Solution: I always keep my engine off! Open the hood, secure the hood safely. Now, look around at what appears to be connectors and connections leading to the headlight. Behind the bulb you’ll see wires connected to a “plug” –unplug this connector and make sure all the wires are secure. Press the wire connections in, brush/blow away any dirt and dust. Plug the connector back in. If you are lucky, as I was, the headlight will come on! Just be sure you are not forcing things—if it isn’t something easy to disconnect, maybe it’s not supposed to be disconnected!
Problem: Windshield wiper cleaner not working. No motor sounds; no water.
Solution: Again, engine off, look under your secured hood (safety always please!), and find your windshield wiper fluid container. Make sure first it has fluid. Then look for connectors/connections-wiring leading to the fluid container. Check the wires and connections—I like to press them, push them in, move wires out of the way so they don’t hang up on something. Press on the connectors to make sure they are secured. Sometimes it’s just a loose wire or connections rather than a bad part!
If you have motor sounds but no water comes out to clean your windshield, then look for the small tube that goes from the windshield fluid container up to your hood. In my case, that black rubber tube coming from the windshield wiper fluid container was disconnected from the white plastic connector on the hood. I simply connected the two, turned on my wiper cleaner, and VOILA! Done!
Problem: “Check Engine” light suddenly comes on. Right after I drove my car after these repairs, my check engine light came on. This has never happened before and I was about to panic, but I knew it had to do with something I’d just done. I drove right to a local mechanic (in this case Waynesville Tire—and they were awesome). I told them the repairs I’d done.
Solution: They hooked up a device and all they ended up having to do was put in a code to turn off the check engine light indicator. The mechanic explained that some things will cause that sensor to go off and indicate a check engine light when there is nothing wrong with the engine. We figured that when all that water sprayed in my engine from that loose tube, it somehow caused the sensor to go off. It cost me nothing. So “check engine” doesn’t always mean something bad or catastrophic. If your check engine light comes on, don’t let someone scare you in to some huge repair. Take your car to someone you trust and ask them to try putting in the code to turn off that check engine light. If it continues to come on, then you may have something to address. However, in my case, that was the solution!
Next give-away is next post. And I draw from people who’ve “liked” or commented (here or on the post that shows up on my Facebook Page) from the last drawing until now, so more people are included and it makes it more fun. So on the posts I don’t have a give away, your name still goes “in the hat” for the next drawing.
During the next few posts, I’m going to delve into the area of – gasp – Dating! Or Not Dating, as the case may, or should, or could be. Stay tuned.
If you like Southern/Appalachian/Family Saga fiction (sometimes with a supernatural touch), then I hope you will consider one of my novels (or short story “snacks”) by clicking on this link to my Amazon Page. I appreciate your support!
Ah, I’ve missed this blog, and I have promised myself I will be posting to it more regularly. It makes me feel a bit less lonely, knowing that somewhere, someone is reading or may pass by. Long ago, I had an active blog and active community. Long ago, I was active in many writing circles and writing and social media. Long ago, I had a blog that was well-visited. It was fun. Maybe blogs are on the wane, but I still like them. I still visit them, though I rarely comment. Perhaps I will start commenting more. Perhaps blogs will make a come-back and we will enjoy that community again, one much different from/than Facebook or Twitter, etc.
Loneliness is a strange beast. A part of me embraces it, after the chaos I’ve had in my life. But sometimes it swallows me and I am left wandering in some strange Other World of Silence. Loneliness can become a safe haven, too. Where you begin to be so used to it that anything else feels too loud, too much. When a man asks for my phone number or expresses an interest, I find myself backing away, then turning around and running for the safety of my little log house. Yet, I’m also ready to open that door wider when I feel a return spark of interest in someone. Oh, the angst of it all! Right?
But I digress. Even if my words are swallowed into a Big Black Hole, I find satisfaction in the writing, and the researching of Wonders of our Galaxy, and beyond. For today, I am directing you to the wonderful community of Writer Unboxed, where I am proud to be a monthly contributor. Saturday’s post fell in line with how and what I write here at the Lonely Woman’s Guide to Our Galaxy, so I’m linking you there. To be a part of any community, even an online one, makes my Galaxy here much less lonely. As well, I’m often on Facebook, and I invite any of you who aren’t already there to join me. I’m on Twitter and Instagram must less frequently, but I meander every so often.
Sometimes I wonder, if I were transported back even a few thousand years, how would my breathing be? What would the earth smell like? How would my feet feel upon the ground, my eyes see color and texture? If a scientist took the inner workings, the soft tissue, of someone from that time and compared it to my soft tissue, what would the differences be? How have we evolved because of the changes in our atmosphere, and what we eat, how we move about or don’t move about, and how we live our everyday lives in response to happiness and having things and not having things, to the stresses and joys and overwhelming possibilities of just where are we headed and how life is lived now and our responses to each other as humans with varied thoughts and beliefs and the very nature of how we know everything that is going on everywhere twenty-four hours a day/night—how would we differ from the earliest “intelligent life?” To begin and end and begin and end and begin and end, round and round and round we go.
Do you immediately call a service repair person any time something quits working? Or take your car to a mechanic any time something goes awry with your car? Maybe you don’t need to. Particularly if you, like I am, are on a tight budget. Sometimes the fix is simple and easy. Often, as long as you do it safely and carefully, just TRYING something will net you results. It’s very satisfying, and empowering.
If you like Southern/Appalachian/Family Saga fiction (sometimes with a supernatural touch), then I hope you will consider one of my novels (or short story “snacks”) by clicking on this link to my 
Amazon Page. I appreciate your support!
And I thank you, my readers.
Kathryn Magendie 